A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on a dating site . We text each other for a while and exchanged pictures . He asked if I wanted to meet up and stay the night at his and have a bit of fun . I agreed . When I met him he was really quiet and gave one word answers . I thought he was just a bit shy . We had sex and it was really great . Afterwards he went totally silent again either giving one word answers or just not answering at all . I tried to cuddle as we watched the rest of the film that was on but he wasn't responding at all . Eventually he said do you mind if I take you home now . I said no course not as I felt so awkward I couldn't wait to get out there . So I drove home thinking oh well he just wanted sex and it was good sex so that's fine! Never expected to hear from him again . But when I got home he text me asking if I was ok saying he was just really tired - with kisses on the text . I don't get it !! Why ask me to stay ? If he just wanted a quickie then he could have just said . He knew I was game ? Or was he genuinely just a shy person ? Maybe a bit nervous and genuinely really tired ?? Also if he was just after one thing then why check I was ok and feel the need to justify himself ? He had what he wanted why not leave it at that ? I'm so confused ? Had a few casual sex encounters but never one where they just don't speak or barely look at you ? Was so strange - funny thing is I really wanna see him again . The sex was good and I'm intrigued by him ! If he was just shy I want to give him a chance - what should I do ? So confused ! I did text him the next day asking if he was ok but no reply ?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 If you are happy with just being a sexual encounter then that is just fine, you are both consenting adults and there is nothing at all wrong with that - but I would totally be perplexed by his behaviour for sure!
Perhaps this was his first time meeting up with someone online and he had no real clue what to do or say and like another poster said, perhaps he panicked?
I don't know why he bothered to text you afterwards after his behaviour but I would probably think that he thought the sex was good enough to want to keep you on his speed dial for more in the future and so he's keeping his options open by actually texting you after he treated you (quite frankly) like crap.
I would probably assume that there is nothing much going to happen here with this guy if he couldn't even be bothered to text you back again after that and would just put him on the back burner. If the opportunity does happen to come up again for you two to get together then perhaps set some boundaries before hand like "Ok, sure but I have to be home by X-o'clock" etc so it doesn't feel weird later when you have to leave.
If you want more than just sex then I wouldn't think this guy was for you, but if it is just the sex then I would just chalk it up to experience and see what happens.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 So, he asked you to stay the night... but he ended up with NOT letting you stay the night uh ? he barely had patience enough to see the end of the movie with you, then he decided it was time to put you out by the scruff of your neck, basically ?..
And you wonder why he texted. He texted because he realized that this is shoddy treatment , which could be seen as objectionable even by a very laid back , anything goes kind of person, and could very possibly put you off him for good . So, he corrected the aim and attempted to be somewhat more polite ,...in case he may need your services again in future.
You say that if he had said " I just want a quickie, make it snappy " , that would not have been a problem for you , you'd been game anyway. Which is a commendably no-nonsense approach, why sugarcoating things and pretending thay are more than what they actually are. BUT, he knows that most girls would NOT see it this way, after all even casual sex has its rules and time-honoured formalities, and if you skirt completely any form of basic personal interaction, and make it all about " insert piece X in piece Y with the least possible waste of time "... well, most of them would not be impressed, they'd look for someone who also offers some conversation or cuddles ( which, apparently, is what you wanted too, wasn't it ).
What should you do ? It depends from what you want. If you really just want no frills sexual intercourse , and his performance was good, then no problem, just answer his next call, or call him up yourself for a repeat performance. If you want something more, - he does not sound interested, you'd probably better turn your attentions elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (11 April 2014):
 Could be he has a girlfriend and felt guilty after the deed.
Could be your the first after he came out of a long term relationship.
Whatever the reason I definitely wouldn't get attached, I would move on. Sounds like he has, as he ignored your last text.
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A
female
reader, virella +, writes (11 April 2014):
Maybe its the first time he's met someone online? Or maybe just panicked. Probably a good sign he's text you afterwards though, just make sure you don't end up a booty call if you want more!
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