A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my early thirties, I have to think about starting a family. I barely make any money and would maybe prefer being a full time mom. I went out on one date with a sweet guy that seems interested. He told me his job.... I think he makes very little money... I mean if we had had a kid but it would be VERY tight, and I would probably have to work. I do like the guy and I havent been on a decent date in a while.... but I'm wondering if I need to just be blunt, ask him his salary and then maybe nip it in the bud if it is too little money. Should I be honest? What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): "sugar daddies" were called husbands and fathers only few decades ago and centuries before since humanity existed. Men who let their wives work were looked down at, it meant they are bad providers. OP, your approach to find a man for you who will support your desire to be a stay at home mom is on different end of history. Only 50 years ago it would be normal, that's how all people lived. Women raised children and took care of the house, men worked and supported family. Now, everything changed, women work and raise their families. When my wife got pregnant with our first child, she wanted to continue to work. When our daughter was born, it was quite obvious that she can't do both. My wife wanted to raise her herself, not the babysitter. Then a year later we were expecting another, and her going back to work postponed again. 2 years later we had our third and last child. Now, she was already 5 years stay at home mom, which she loved, with a small baby on hands. I personally find this situation the most favorable for raising children, but unfortunatelly mainly men don't make enough money to support the whole family. That's why people marry now much later in life, and many choose not to have any kids. That's why I don't think it will be easy for you to accomplish this task: to find a guy who will take a big finial responsibility to be the only provider in a family. I also don't think that you will accomplish much by asking a guy. It will be a turn off for ,any as it is simply bad manners to ask someone about their salary. All you can do is wait and see.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): I agree with Cerberus. Tell him the truth and give him a chance to run now. Then go sign up for a sugar daddy website and maybe you'll have better luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2014):
 I tend to agree with Cerberus.
Personally, I'd have to say no, don't ask, the way I was raised asking people, strangers as for that, is absolutely a no-no. Might as well going to dinner at a foreign Embassy and asking the Ambassador " So, I've heard there are lots of hookers in your country, tell me, have you got any interesting STD ?... "
But, your dilemma involves another person, who quite possibly might have big reservations about your life plan. I don't know may men nowadays who would be thrilled to have a stay at home wife who's totally dependent from them. Even if they could afford it.
Either because two incomes are always better than one, you can use one for living expenses, and the second to increase your savings.. or to spoil yourselves and living large.
Or, because they feel it's a huge responsibility having to be the sole provider, in case something goes wrong- divorce, illnesses, sudden job losses, other emergencies.
Or, simply, because they think that a working woman with her own work life and career is more interesting and more intellectually stimulating than a housewife .
For whatever reason,... I've got this feeling that many men today would find faults in your life plan, and if he is among them, he too would waste needlessly time in courtship and romance, and maybe get emotionally attached, only to find out that yours is an impossible match.
So, might as well be blunt and open, about his income and about your wishes, and save everybodys's time, yours and his.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 April 2014):
 I think you need to be honest with YOURSELF!!!
Your submittal "tells" us that you are looking for a "wallet" to support you... and the/any children that you (and he) spawn..... Sooooooo.....
... why not just be honest, and say to any potential suitor/sperm donor: "I am looking for a guy to spawn children with me... and I don't expect to contribute anything, financially, to what goes on in our household. Are you OK with that?"
If you find some sap who sez: "That's OK with me"... then you've found your boy. IF you find one (or, many) others who say: "Are you out of your mind?????"... then you'll have to conclude that they are seeing through you little ruse... and aren't going to be taken advantage of, without at least a LITTLE struggle.....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): Sign up for a sugar daddy website and look for someone who wants a woman to be a full time stay at home mum and housewife (you'd probably have to do both if you aren't working and they are paying for it).
They are out there but you rarely just happen to come across one unless you specify it where they will be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): I disagree with the others, OP, in the sense that I do think you should find that out early so you don't waste any of their time nor they yours.
I mean I wouldn't date a woman with the kind of life plan you have, so it would be nice to know nice and early that you are that way and you want a certain standard of living which I have to provide.
Your conditions are non-negotiable, OP, you want a sugar daddy provider and you don't really have the time to waste seeing as your biological clock and thus ability to provide healthy off-spring, your most important bargaining chip in such a deal, is diminishing quickly.
I mean the others are right in that there's better ways and higher priorities, but you just want to be a breeder for a guy with enough money to afford you.
I say go for it, a lot may be insulted, most won't tell you but you want to find a guy on the same page so you need to be up front about this. Otherwise you're just going to have months, maybe years of dating nice guys who can't afford the life you want then to pay for.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 April 2014):
 Income is very personal information and the only time you should ask a potential life partner about it is when you're about to rent or buy property together or enter into some other financial arrangement with them. Presumably by then you'd have known them long enough and well enough.Otherwise you don't ask. You let them volunteer that if and when they're ready. If you see signs of financial distress and poor planning then you can privately decide whether this is someone you want to make a huge investment in.To ask someone this at all, let alone after one date is intrusive, in very poor taste and would leave a man with the impression that you're either desperate or a gold digger. And if he has any sense and any class you won't hear from him ever again. Honestly I don't know why you'd even dream of doing such a thing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2014):
If you want to be a stay at home mom you need to be married, or else you are royally screwed. People BREAK UP you know. If you just go ahead and have a kid with the first and best man you find, his income matters little. Because he can up and leave at any time, and you have NO guarantee that he will pay for anything.
If you struggle financially then the answers is not to find a wealthy man. The answer is to up your own game and start making more money. You can not take care of a child if you can not even take care of yourself.
I want you to think about what financial situation you put yourself in if you start being a stay at home mom, especially if you aren't married. You will lose your independence, you will be given "pocket money" from this man, and he can actually choose to not give you any money at all. Just because he's got it, doesn't mean he'll share it. You're putting yourself and a future child in a terrible situation if you're not thinking this through.
Being a stay at home mom is NOT the answer to your financial worries. Having a child is not the answer to your financial worries either.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (13 April 2014):
 Why not improve your own income in some way? Men are not walking pay cheques/sperm donors.
(You should be able to roughly guess an income bracket a man's in by his home, car, lifestyle)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (13 April 2014):
 You're thinking about marriage and kids after just ONE date?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 April 2014):
If you do he'll probably never talk to you again, even if he makes good money. Terrible idea!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2014):
 I think you are totally jumping the gun here.
You want to be a SAHM well, after one date you don't even know if he wants kids, if he can even HAVE kids and IF YOU two are compatible.
Being a SAHM should be your goal. Being independent should be. Specially if you end up being a mom and later a single mom.
IF being a SAHM is more important then having a good husband then by all means ask.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 April 2014):
 Oh me,it's come to this? When my wife-to-be and I met we just wanted to know how much change we could pool together for a greasy burger and a drive-in movie. We'd literaly dump our pockets out on a grassy spot and count it all together. Seems to me that we still do that towards the end of most months now too after 50 years of scraping and pinching pennies. If she'd asked me how I was prepared to support her in the manner to which she wanted to become acustomed, I think I would have packed my few items I owned and hitchhiked to the west coast, joined the hippie movement and probably be dead from an overdose by now. Yeah ask him,"say man how much do you make?" If it's enough then save yourself from a bad marrage and leave him.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 April 2014):
Questions like this is only push men away. You don't get from A to Z without the in between, so you should be careful with the way you are thinking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): How exactly you are going to do it, especially in US this question is forbidden, no?
I think it's a terrible idea. Don't ask, date him a bit and you will find out soon. But honestly, I don't blame you looking at this aspect , it's pretty smart at your age to know what you want and go for it. Just give it more time, he might be what you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (13 April 2014):
 Maybe you should get to know this person before hand, go out on a date with him, get to know him personally before thinking about the money, you migth surprise yourself. I think if you like a person genuinely, then money shouldn't matter as everything such as having children can be worked around when the time comes. However if you feel this is a really important thing for you then you could just ask for his salary, but if someone I was dating asked for my salary, I would think that they were just in it for the money and probably wouldn't reply. So know this question might not go down to well or seem not suitable, however I think after asking him this question after 1 or 2 dates would be a reasonable question to ask. Good Luck x
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