A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send your personal number until 7 messages are sent and received.As time went on, it was costing more and more, so I suggested swapping numbers. I texted my number and she said it was scrambled (after which, after a concerned email to the media company, said phone numbers aren't scrambled after the first 7 messages). She said she wasn't comfortable with it, so I told her my concerns. She then said she was very shy. She keeps on complimenting me, saying she is keen, but she won't swap phone numbers. I even suggested to her that, rather than paying for messages, surely she'd rather do it for free? I know any dating can be a bit risky, but even Im starting to get suspect on this one. If anyone wants it, I can paste a copy of the paper's response to my concerns.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 April 2014):
 I am certain she's a scammer. I wouldn't give her any more thought and do not spend one more single penny on "her."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrue; be interesting to see if she texts!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Good for you. I can't be sure 100% but I doubt she actually is hearing impaired.
You told her straight away that you have Cerebral Palsy, what better and nost natural chance to answer :oh don't worry, no big deal, I have a physical disability myself, I can't hear.
Plus, so what if she is deaf ? she can't hear your voice on the phone, but she could surely keep texting outside of a costly system, on her own cell phone ?!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 April 2014):
 I'd say she COULD be deaf, but..... she could also be a dude or a granny.
To me it still sounds like a SCAM. And no the paper do NOT investigate their people/services they ADVERTISE - My bet is there is a disclaimer somewhere in the paper too that they are not responsible for the quality and validity of services offered.
I think you did the right thing is stopping to use the service.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSounds harsh, but do you think the deafness is genuine?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 April 2014):
 You've done the right thing. I think she just wanted a fantasy relationship because she can't handle real life ones. Sorry she's been hurt but it's no excuse for dragging you along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I did.
She explained why did she didn't want to give me her number (well, sort of!)
Firstly, I texted and said Please can she let know where this is going and is she going to move away from this paid-for service and surely she'd rather text from her number and do it for free?
She then texted back accusing me of being like other men and that she doesn't think there's a future for us (dodging the question!)
Then she told me she finds it hard to trust men as she is deaf and hasn't had good experiences in the past. (Why though would it stop her giving me her number - its not as if, when I first get it, I'm going to rush her).
I said I can't afford it, and left her my number in both number and word format, saying I hope she texts. And then I stopped using the service.
I have got Cerebral Palsy and I told her straight away!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2014):
Hi OP, did you get an answer from "her"? I do hope you stop spending money on a potential scam. Get a new phone and number if you have to get rid of this scammer! I would also contact your phone company's fraud hotline for more help.
Let us know how things are going!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 April 2014):
Then google "text dating scams" - interesting reading.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 April 2014):
If she says no to giving her number out, kindly tell her you had expected this to progress beyond texting and since that isn't happening (not even progressing to phone calls) , it's time for you to move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 April 2014):
..Because papers get PAID for advertising and do not care if the product they advertise is good or not ?
Papers are full of ads for miracle beauty creams that make you 10 years younger in a week, or miracle diets that make you 30 pounds slimmer in a month, do you think it's actually true ?...
Buyer beware, as always.
If she says she does not want to because she does not gibe her number out- then you give up and move on. If she is so wary of giving her no. out, imagine if she even wants to meet you somewhere in person- what do you want to do, keep texting only for the rest of your life ?...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2014):
Can't she use *69 (or whatever) before she calls out? To hide her number?
And how long have you two been texting?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): I also thought it would be unlikely for an established and respected UK local newspaper to knowingly run a scam.However, they probably employ another company to provide the communication service rather than providing it themselves and it might be THAT company who are the scammers.If that's case, the more complaints the newspaper receives about this the more likely they are to do something about it.On another note - if the text convos you've been having have been saucy, sexy and steamy but she's still refusing to go to the next level - then it's probably best to walk away as she might be hiding something. After all - a girl who really is shy is contradicting herself if she then indulges with steamy sex convos with a stranger.I was contacted by a woman using a similar method of communication who professes to be very keen on meeting me but in reality we never got past the messaging stage. This did arouse my suspicions fairly early on as she was never really able to meet or speak on the phone. I soon discovered why.... if we'd met or spoken in person, she would no longer have been able to conceal the fact that she was actually a he!Not a scam for money but one for sex-talk and a quick wank. It was his/her apparant obsession to always steer the conversation towards sex that first alerted me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats right, it's like online dating, but by text
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Someone is making a big dollar on you. What is it anyway, text dating?
Another ridiculous technology invention?,
Of course she is not paying I think the company does it , I don't think that girl even exists. Soon we are going to start having only virtual sex, I am telling you.
When did the good old times go when a boy saw a girl walking by, ask for phone number, asked for a date?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will, what if she says no she doesn't want to cos she won't give her number out?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 April 2014):
IF it's a scam, the local paper may know nothing about it. Why not google the name of the company behind the advert and see what you can find out? If you find something dodgy, report it to the paper. They might reimburse you some of the money as a good will gesture.
Otherwise, I also agree with Maureen, give K a chance to account for her herself and then decide if you can carry on text dating indefinitely. If it was me I'd give her an ultimatum and then move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe said she was paying for this as well (if 'she' was a scammer, she would!). I had a girl who I was talking to last year that wouldn't meet me which I should have learnt from. Thankyou for your input, I shall reread these answers (she also gets quite defensive when I ask to swap numbers) and I'll probably end up texting her when Maureen said and then cut contact, then the ball is in her court.
One question - if it's a scam, why would a local paper carry the advert?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2014):
I believe she is a scammer and you are being conned. She's not paying to exchange messages. It's a scam to keep you texting and charging you for messages.
I would cut contact immediately and contact your mobile and date provider to ask for help in detecting scams like this.
Do not respond to her any longer. She is not who she says she is!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2014):
 I concur with the others. Dodging personal info at this stage means she either has something to hide (i.e. she doesn't look like her pictures, she's married, or she's a he), or has such anxiety issues that should give you pause as to whether or not a healthy relationship is possible with her.
Either way, cut your losses and walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): It could be a scam - she is not a "real" person but simply someone sending messages that keep you messaging back at exorbitant charge so you line the company's pocket.She could also be telling the truth and be nervous about revealing personal details to someone she doesn't know but she seems to have chosen the worst possible dating method! You don't say how long you've been messaging her but, if it's been less than a couple of weeks, then yuo may just need to be patient.I think maybe you should bark up another tree but if you really feel this girl is genuine, set yourself a daily spend limit for texts and a time limit for how long you are prepared to spend this amount for - and then stick to it. If after said period she is still hemming and hawing about whether she wants to exchange numbers, then you'll need to move on.You could also contact her saying that you are no longer going to be using the messaging service because you can't afford it but that you are going to send her your number again. Say that you hope she'll want to stay in touch. Then send your number again and back it up with a message of your number written out (i.e one, two, three, four instead of 1234) as this sometimes "fools" the scramblers. Then the ball's in her court
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 April 2014):
 I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. I'm sure that text dating was fun at first, but she doesnt want to move forward to a phone call? She may just be extremely shy but like one of the other aunts said, if she won't give a phone number how would she ever progress to meeting in person?
Too many fish in the sea..throw this one back. Good luck and don't give up ok? Stay positive, this one just isn't the one for you thats all.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 April 2014):
Exchanging phone numbers is hardly risky. My guess is she's so "shy" (I really mean anxious) that she can only handle this impersonal fantasy - text dating is not real dating after all. I'd drop it, because if she won't swap numbers, how on earth will she cope with the idea of actually meeting you?
Maybe she wanted to keep it as text dating via this dubious third party indefinitely. She sounds weird.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 April 2014):
Or maybe she is actually a he ? Sounds fishy. And anyway , this person is a time waster. I am not familiar with text dating, but the principle seems to be the same as dating sites. You connect with someone not in person, just as a preparation to meeting them in person. If someone is not comfortable with this idea, then what did they even get started for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2014):
It almost sounds like a scam.
My guess is.. SHE doesn't pay, only you do.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 April 2014):
 If you have these concerns this early on, then I'd let this one go. I can understand her hesitation as she doesn't know if you're a serial rapist or killer, but if she's that scared of electronic dating, then she should stick to meeting people in real life.
Move on. There is no real investment here and there are plenty of fun, smart, attractive women out there.
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