A
female
age
26-29,
*orthFightingFor
writes:I asked one of my closest friends "W" if he liked anyone because I like him and he said that question crosses the boundary and that we talked about boundaries. I told him that we did talk about boundaries but never set them, which was true. He got upset and told me he'll talk to me another time. I apologized but got no response. A few days later at lunch he was talking about my other close friend "G" who he used to go out with. He called her a teacher's pet and said that she gets mad if you call her out on it and won't talk to you for days. He said she is being immature. I didn't think it was right of him to say that behind her back, so I told her. G got upset and texted him that day about it. W sats that G changed but kept insisting that he loved her. He said he'd say go to her even though she wanted no contact with him anymore but she declined his offer. He tells her "Tell WorthFighting that she doesn't have to worry about me and her because there is no me and her :)" He continued to text G that he was sorry and that he wanted to talk to her but she has her mind set on not talking to him. W didnt even tell me that he didn't want to talk to me, G was the one who told me. W doesn't even acknowledge my existence when we my friends and I sit together at lunch and when I say hi to him. I sent him a long text basically saying that I hold no grudge against him but that it's up to him if he wants to remain friends and that my opinion no longer matters. He didnt respond and im upset that he would throw away our frienship over something so stupid! I cry almost everyday and I don't know what to do. I'm planning on doing what my teacher told me which was to stop talking to him for a while and that he'll come around. Just act happy around him and apologize later then start slowly talking to him. Idk if that will work because he's very stubborn and proud. What do you think I should do to gain his trust back?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I agree, this got blown out of proportions over a little bit of pretty jealousy.
W isn't into you, he is into G. You got upset about that and created some drama which lead W and G to not talk. But they resolved it and W decided he RATHER talk to her and NOT to you (since you created said drama).
W was VENTING about G. You took what he said and made a MOUNTAIN out of it.
Not sure what it is you don't understand.
Everything you do has consequences.
You can cross boundaries without having set any. I think everyone had their own PERSONAL set of boundaries and boundaries for their friendships/relationships - so when he said he FELT like you crossed a boundary, he meant it. YOU crossed HIS boundary.
I also agree with your teacher. You are not on the playground anymore, tattle-ling is rarely a good way to make friend or keep friends.
Just cool your jets.
And IF you are looking for a BF, he isn't it.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 Also - this statement says a lot about you
"I asked one of my closest friends "W" if he liked anyone because I like him and he said that question crosses the boundary and that we talked about boundaries"
What has happened in the past that he feels he has to say this? Have you pushed him about dating before? Have YOU blurred the lines between friendship and dating?
I feel you need to let this one go, as he obviously is not interested in anything other than friendship.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 April 2014):
From just reading your question the problem is simple. You fancy him and he doesn't like you in the same way.
He probably sees that too. Your not so subtle pressuring as to if he likes anyone was probably very obvious to him.
He told you something about his EX-Girlfriend, who deep down he probably still has feelings for, and then you go and blab the bad bits to her.
Rightly so, he is pissed off with you, as he probably sees it as manipulation to make sure they do not get back together so you can try and hook him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 April 2014):
 And how much of this is happening via texting and how much is happening in person? Don't text important questions, things have a way of being misconstrued without verbal and body language cues.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 April 2014):
W thought he was talking with a close friend, apparently you have a crush on him and haven't been honest with him about that.
It sounds more like you are annoyed that W likes G and not you and so you were trying to mess up their friendship. W refused to play that game which does date to middle school, not someone in your late teens.
You were the one throwing away the friendship when you tattled to G what W said about her. You essentially were choosing G in the friendship stakes. It would have annoyed me if I were W. I would have thought I was sharing an opinion with a friend and instead I find out I was just giving intel to G's spy.
Now, as we've established that it was all very childish, listen to the old people who are suggesting that you just lie low. Don't gossip with anyone about W or about G or anyone else right now.
Time may heal this but you have to show some patience and self-restraint.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 But you SHOULD have kept your mouth shut. It's not as if he had confided you that he was planning to steal G's mother's silverware, or poison G's dog, and by warning her you have prevented a crime ! You simply have reported , out of context and for no apparent reason , a personal, private conversation that W never meant for you to report. You gossiped , that's all. If you really don't understand or approve that people can love their friends yet see their imperfections, and that, anyway , whatever X says about Y would need to have X's pernission before being spread around... even so, a better way to handle this , if it bothered you so much, would have been to tell W " Stop right now, and don't say anything bad about G to me in future. G is my friend and I don't want to hear criticisms about her ". Or , you could have suggested W to talk directly to G about his grievance and letting you out of it , since you were friends with both.
W should be mad at himself ? he probably is, for having confided in a gossipmonger. He must be kicking his own ass right now.
Not that it will last forever, chances are that he won't stay mad forever over this , even if it's not such an irrelevant infraction as you think. Probably he'll get over it. But as of now, he just discovered that he can't trust his supposed best friend , and he is upset.
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A
female
reader, WorthFightingFor +, writes (11 April 2014):
WorthFightingFor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow. Yes I'm 18. I'm very hurt that you guys find me being a good friend to G being childish. I mean hearing advice from an older crowd like my guidance counselors, teachers, and now you guys everyone seems to think I should've kept my mouth shut. I understand that he was venting but isn't it also quite childish of him to get mad at me when he should be mad at himself? I don't know. Yes the entire situation is childish but I don't think it's right for everyone to point fingers at just me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 April 2014):
18 ? Frankly, I doubt it.
Anyway: he did not throw away your friendship over something stupid, he threw it away over a big indiscretion and breach of trust. What do you expect, OP ? He tells you something private and confidential, and first thing you do you go blabber it to the third party , and he should be happy ? Reporting his words out of context too, of course he could love your friend to bits and sincerely, YET also dislike her way of being the teacher's pet; we can love people and see their negative sides as well. Nothing is all black or white, but if you report the teacher's pet only, and keep out the love and affection part...there you go, you interfere with THEIR friendship and spoil it somehow, and obviously he is not going to be thankful to you. You snitched on him, and nobody likes snitches.
Anyway, your teacher is right, just apologize then let him be, luckily this is not World War 3 , let him digest what happened, act normal and kind, and eventually he'll come around.
But, in the meantime, please try to grow up a bit, that's not stuff for over 18...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 Follow your teacher's advice.
And stop telling people what other's say behind their backs. It was sneaky and childish of you.
I have a very hard time believing this post came from an 18 year old.
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A
female
reader, WorthFightingFor +, writes (11 April 2014):
WorthFightingFor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm 18 and the teacher is one of the department chairs. W is 17.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 April 2014):
Gosh, this sounds like something that happens in middle school, not among 18-21 year olds. Anyway, I would do what your teacher advised, if you are 18, then is she like your senior advisor or something? Or it you are older is this your college professor?
How old is W?
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