A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I dated for 7 years and married for 4 years with 3 children. He was a very obedient son he will never make any decisions without his mom's input. We lived together for 2 years in an apartment (both worked) until his mom talked him into moving in to her house, we both agreed and we moved in and we paid rent every month. That's when she started to bully me and she always complained to her son about me right in front of my face. Nothing I do seems to be good enough to this woman...She tried to separate us but his son told her he will move out with me if she don't want "us" there ...so she backed off then continue the next day bulling me. After 3 miserable years of her constant bullying I have turned to hate her more than anything in this world I'm tired of crying and feeling hopeless so I confronted her after a year of marring her son just because she showed her butt again and try to make decisions for us she tired to control me by making me scared of her and it didn't work cause I hated her instead. My husband stood by my side and told her I' was right and the only reason he didn't say anything before b/c it's her house and now she played the victim card by making me look like the evil daughter in law to her family and his sister would called and argued with him that I needed to grow up and leave their mother alone cause it's still very hard for her to accept the fact he's married now. What should I do? I like the sister but I wish she stayed out of this, when my husband tried to explain what their mother did to me she always said "it's because she's having a hard time accepting your'e grown " he's older than his sister and that drive me nuts cause their mother treat him like a helpless child (we both make good money) and she treated his younger sister (unemployed) like a grown indepentend woman. The problem here is that when she called she only wanted to talked to my husband. And she rarely asked about our kids.....and when my husband told her he's bothered by her not asking about her grandkids she cried and said " I've known you the longest so I've known more about you than your children and wife that's why" she don't see anything wrong with her behavior .
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I agree with Cerberus, YOUR husband needs to deal with her. However, I'm betting she mainly bully you when he isn't around to see it or hear it. Typical passive-aggressive bullshit MIL.
Time to MOVE out. Sit your husband down, tell him you think it's time for a place of your own. That it's TIME for you two and the kids to have your OWN home. That you NEED your own home and less drama with his mom.
It's obviously NOT working living with her time to try something else.
I would also have a long sit down with your husband about his mom. It shouldn't be a HER versus YOU issue, but SHE (the MIL) is making it so. That needs to stop. Which means your husband needs to REFUSE to debate or discuss you with his mom. If he has any issues with YOU - he should try and talk to you first.
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I would pack up your things - yours AND your husbands and get the heck out of there no matter who she is to him!
There is NO WAY you can subject yourself to more of this misery as all it will do in the long run is ruin a perfectly good marriage, which is exactly what she wants! It isn't happening, not on your watch, you have to get out!
I have been married 7 years, together for 8, have 4 kids and my mother in law is like hell on wheels. She tries to be nice but it is always in an underhanded way that makes everything she does for someone else bring her out on top - she basically is only nice when it makes her look great.
I would not be able to live with my mother in law for all the money in the world and if you have the money and resources to get yourselves out of there you will go and not look back!
My crazy mother in law has calmed down a lot over the years but in the beginning she was so nuts that we just cut her out all together and she soon learned that if she can't be a viable part of our lives then we would be happy to live without her - you don't need negativity in your life from ANYONE no matter if they are blood or not! They've gotta go!
I do hope that your husband is really on board with the fact that you are in the right and that he is in your corner because he needs to move with you when you go - and you HAVE to go for the sake of your sanity!!
Don't worry about how your mother in law feels, how she treats your husband or how she does anything she does for whatever reason, just look out for what is best for you and do it!
best of luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): It's time to move out.
Be a nice daughter-in-law, and buy your M-N-L a trip to Paris. Cancel the return ticket!
Moving-in with her was your mistake. It gave her something to do with her idle-time. Needle you!
Time to just relax and just let her blow-off her steam and learn to block her out. It's what older-husbands learn to do when they have fussy caustic wives. He looks her in the eyes, nods with approval, and shakes his head when she says something negative. Tuning her out completely. If they don't learn to do this, she'll put him in an early grave.
She's trying to wear you down. Get a thicker-skin and nod and shake your head, and pretend like you're listening.
Tune her out!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 April 2014):
 Definitely move. Either with him or without him. But find a new place to live right away.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2014):
 My shortest advice ever here on Dc :move out. NOW.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): While I don't have those kind of issues my in-laws I have a tacit agreement with my wife that any such conflict will be handled by the person whose mother/father it is.
OP it's up to him to put his mother in her place if needs be. I know he took your side but he cannot allow her to behave in such an unreasonable manner.
In your position I'd distance myself from the mother and if that's not working and my partner wasn't stopping it then I'd start to feel they weren't the right person for me if they can't defend my interests and protect me from maltreatment at the hands of their own family.
The thing is I honestly don't care if her parents hated me, I don't care if they think anything about me, she's my wife not them.
I'm a little confused, OP, are you still living with her?
Maybe I missed that part in your question but it's not a situation that's workable if there's this much conflict.
You know I'd find it very easy to ignore her and not let anything she says mean anything as long as I wasn't living with her.
I've dealt with plenty of whiny idiots in my life time, it just goes straight over my head.
OP try and move the past the idea of having her be even civil to you and just start to remove her from your life. If your husband can't get her to quit her shite and let you live your lives, then let him know you don't want anything to do with her anymore and will tolerate her at family events and that's it.
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