A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey GuysI been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this goes anyways without getting too involved.. I am really not sure what that means though. I am generally very clear with my dates that if either thinks this is going platonic, we will stop the dates. We can stay friends but no hanging around just the two of us.Any ideas how I deal with this here. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 I think there's perhaps the possibility that you are seeing as flirty what it is actually just friendly . When I was going to Spanish classes and I skipped one, the 17 y.o. boy whom I was usually partnered with would e-mail me " Hey what happened to you, are you sick ? " and I really don't think he was hitting on me since the age difference was not even Cougartown, but just directly Harold and Maude:)( who's not a film buff, please go google the reference )
Otherwise, yes, she is an attention hog. She likes your attention but nothing more is going to come out of this. Which anyway, we knew already didn't we ?... Listen when people say they don't want a relationship . Whatever their motivations are, and whether true or false, it means they do not want to get as close and personal as YOU'd want.
I'd say , forget about it. Which does not mean that you have to become all of a sudden cold or standoffish if you never were. You ARE sort of friends after all. Only do not encourage her. If she acts flirty, don't flirt back, that's all. And do not go on " dates " which are not dates but just one-on-one platonic outings which do not interest you. In short, do what works for you, not for her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): Thanks guys OP here again.
For the last days I have been just friendly. But she keeps flirting with me again and again. She messaged me a time or two to ask things as to why I was not at the lessons. That she was waiting to dance with me.
I am a bit confused. I think she is probably one of the girls who look for attention all the time. Or she wants me as a friend (for which I don't care).
Should I go act like an acquaintance rather than my current friendly behavior ? OR just openly ask her what is going on OR I am thinking to hell with it. Ur opinions guys.
Thanks
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 August 2014):
I would not linger . Supposing that she told the truth, and that she really can't put her energy in a relationship because her mom is having serious health problems, I think even less she would be tempted to put her energy in a casual, " whatever " fling, don't you think ?. So either way, truth or lie, what's in it for you ?:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Hi Guys. OP here !Thanks for the advice. I did think the same that she was indeed being polite and brushing me off. When I cancelled the date today, she was not very happy to hear that and wanted me to still meet her. I however made it clear that if we did meet (and we will since we both go the same dance lessons twice every week) it will be like just hanging out. I would not take her out or anything. She gave me an excuse saying she was not looking into a relationship as her mom was having a very serious medical emergency and she was not there to help her and she didn't want anything on her head now. I consoled her saying whatever it is, it shall pass and she has to be strong for her mom. But the excuse still sounded to me like "I don't think you are my type".I do like her but this seems too complicated for me to keep pursuit. Maybe its better to move on. She will probably not like it but then its not fair to me either to linger. What do you think guys ?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 August 2014):
I can't be 100% sure but I think she is brushing you off.
When people say, theydon't want a relationship, .. basically they ALL mean "I do not want a relatonship WITH YOU".
Only, for you this means " I am not into you enough to want you to be my gf, still you are not that bad at all, so why don't we hang out casually and have sex casually ? "
While probably for her it means " I am not into you enough to want you as my bf, so why don't you take the hint and leave me alone and free to pursue a real relationship ?".
Women ARE, in average, more relationshp- minded than men. If they bother to go out on dates, it is in view to see if you could be a couple.
So, aren't there any women who just want FWB or a casual fling or whatever you want to call it ? Of course there are !, but don't believe that they are particularly coy or shy about it, they are as cold blodeed and practical about that as men, or more. Once they have decided that you are no bf material,yet still they want a piece of... that nice tight cool sixpack of yours, they'll tell you. They'll show you. They'll signal it , maybe not in so many words but very clearly. Amd most of all, they won't much bother wth dates and restaurants and cozy chats, they'll keep that for a future regular BF.
So, all on all, I think what she meant was just : " Sorry, you are a nice person, there's nothing wrong with you, but.. you are not my type . Don't get any ideas ".
Then again, you can just ask her can't you ? No, I don't mean it, like, " So when are we going to have sex already ? " :), , but I don't think it would be so wrong asking her " So, tell me ... could you see us , in time, as more than platonic friends, or you'd rather leave it at friends only ? "
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