A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunts and uncles! So I just have a pretty straightforward question, do guys always stop intercourse after they cum? Every guy I've been with has. But I've heard before that not everyone does (i don't know if they're lying or not) the guy I'm dating now does, but I'm not sure if it's because we don't use condoms and he has to pull out before he cums. I've been dating him for over a year now and I trust him a lot so not to be mean but please don't tell me "you should be using condoms... Blah blah" I'm on birth control, he pulls out, and I know he doesn't have any stds because we were checked together (we're both really serious about our relationship) sometimes after he cums we lay there wrapped in each other's arms and a few minutes later we're going at it again. This also confuses me a little, Do guys have to wait a while after they cum to have intercourse again? Like do they get tired or something? Sometimes I wish I could spend a day as a guy to find out all of this stuff, lol. Thanks for your help!
View related questions:
condom, std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 August 2014):
 Not much more to say because Tisha and the other aunts and uncles covered it all perfectly. However, I'm confused about something because what you have said is intriguing to me...
If you both are monogamous, you're on birth control, and you both were checked and certified disease-free, then why does he have to pull out, and why did you focus on us not telling you to have him wear condoms?? Seems to me that you both are exclusive, you're on BC, and you are disease-free. The lack of condoms is a personal choice most monogamous careful couples who have done their due diligence in making sure STi's aren't a factor make.
So...why does he have to pull out? Seems the reason (i.e. birth control) is taken care of by you, and neither of you are sleeping around or have an STI. You say you're serious (not casual FWB) and you trust him, so I'm wondering if the lack of trust is on his side, as in he's worried you'll forget a day of BC. Speaking from experience, the best feeling of all is after really good sex where the guy's in no hurry to pull out, and there are those few seconds of pure happiness before he does.
Otherwise, yes, the refractory period. Also, it's the "push away from the table" affect as well. Many guys aren't interested in keeping up the sexual touching after they ejaculate because they are sated, like how people feel after a Holiday dinner. Food is delicious, but then people are stuffed and the idea of more food is not happening. After sex, that can happen too where everything is over-sensitive, the appetite has been sated, and it's over. One reason why I fully stress to get yours first before he does, because we girls can keep going and going, whereas guys deflate after sex and need to recharge with sleep, a good meal, or whatever. Either way, the best sex is in rounds!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I'm a bit worried about the education system in our country. We've had a couple of youngish posters asking very basic questions today.To answer your specific question, "do guys always stop intercourse after they cum?" Well, virtually all men, after ejaculating, lose their erection. It's part of the natural physiological changes they go through in sexual arousal and climax. It's called the refractory period. In some men (generally the younger), there's a period of a few minutes to an hour or longer before their vasculature catches up to the intense sexual and physiological changes they've just experienced. Older men as a result of natural aging will probably experience longer times.Basically the penis becomes erect due to blood being shuttled into the spongy bits, the corpora cavernosa, there are little valves there that then keep the blood in there. Get enough blood up in those spongy areas and you have what is called an erection. The penis feels firmer and elongates. It's like pumping air into a tire.The little valve that keeps the blood in the spongy bits can decide that it doesn't want to keep working, say your mom calls in the middle and you decide to take the call. That will definitely open that valve and allow all the blood to drain out....So after an ejaculation (what you call him cumming) his spongy bits will drain the blood out and there isn't enough firmness in the penis to stay hard.Also part of the refractory period is a period when further stimulation of the penis doesn't feel good. It's overkill at this point to try to keep him going.So your guy isn't tired, his penis is just going through the natural cycle of arousal, climax and rest. It's all normal and hunky dory and you don't need to take it personally.Now, if you are not feeling like you are reaching your climax then just make sure you come first. If a guy is into you and wants you to be happy, he'll gladly do what needs to be done to ensure you are super happy too. Keep in mind that most women do not reach climax through intercourse alone. You don't have to spend a day as a guy, you just have to do a little research and you'll be up to speed. And if you are on hormonal birth control and you've been all checked out then why the need for the pull-out method? Are you worried about your birth control or something? P.S. Pulling out as a primary birth control option generally results in those people who practice same being called Mommy and Daddy.You are 22-25, presumably you've heard of the refractory period? Once? No?Great websites for info on sexuality and contraception: http://www.plannedparenthood.orghttp://www.scarleteen.comGood luck with your education!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 Pretty much after ejaculation a guy is out of sexual energy and getting another erection is out of the question. However, continued love making is very much possible with fingers,tounge and any other things. Ergo, one 'session' can last for hours given the right conditions whereupon he can regain erection, and repeat. It's all up to you and your patience,etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 If you are on birth control and both STD free,... why does he have to pull out ?...
Anyway yes, a wide majority of men will be pretty spent after coming, will lose their erection, and will need a refractory period to get another one. For a boy of 18 it will be just 15 minutes, for a man in his 60 ,mamy many hours.
A few man keep their erection longer, i.e. lose it more gradually, so technically they can go on a few more minutes, but since it's not going to be a nice , rock hard erection anyway, and since the sensation is not so pleasureble anymore after coming, ... why bother.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 It's your business whether you use condoms or not but regardless of whether you trust your partner or not, you two should probably start using condoms as you would not only prevent pregnancy (you can still get pregnant on the pill or injection) but it will prevent you from catching infectious diseases. You must remember that there are many viruses that are incurable which can be passed on through sex. You wouldn't want to live your entire life with an incurable disease just because the two of you refuse to use condoms . . . Anyway, we're not here to lecture you, it's your life. With regards to your question, some guys won't continue thrusting as they become very sensitive down there and it can be very uncomfortable (at least I'd imagine it would be). If your guy needs time after round one before round two, don't worry, it's normal. All the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2014): You should have a better attitude about your health and safety! "Blah Blah?!!" You say? Well, if HE happens to "slip," and have sex with someone who could have an STD; YOU might get infected. It only has to happen once. Love doesn't protect you from infections! Condoms are used for protection from diseases, not just to keep you from getting pregnant. HIV and herpes infections are incurable!
That aside. The answer to your question is that the majority of men may slow-down, or stop for a period after ejaculation.
The point of intercourse is to reach an orgasm. That is why it is called a climax. There are men who keep going and can have multiple orgasms one after the other. Pausing or stopping doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the man, nor have they lost any interest in you as a sex-partner. Men are made differently from women. It is easier for us reach orgasm. We can climax in a matter of minutes; when it might take hours for a woman. In most cultures, men do most of the work during intercourse; so he is likely to reach climax first. He doesn't have to "stop" pleasuring his partner, he can continue to do that for hours. If he loses his erection, he will need time to recharge. Some guys get-off; and totally lose all interest and want to sleep.
Erections can only be maintained for a limited amount of time, and will often go down after ejaculation.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 July 2014):
 If you know you are STD free AND you are on Birth control why does he pull out? that makes no sense to me.
IF you were NOT on birth control and he was still using the "withdrawal" method I would caution you that you can still EASILY get pregnant from precum before his orgasm.
And MOST men cannot and do not continue thrusting after orgasm since the head of the penis tends to become VERY sensitive.
The younger a man is the shorter his Refractory period. This is the time that it takes for his body to be able to be sexually active again. It can be a few minutes for a 16 yr old and a few hours for an older man...
...............................
|
