A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. I feel like he’s just not that into me. He’s been in florida for over 2 weeks now, but I’m always the one calling/texting him. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. He goes down to Florida to visit his family every summer and Christmas and he never really calls or texts me unless I insist. He’s told me before that I’m very clingy and that sometimes he needs time by himself. But, I’m getting sick of asking him to give me some of his time. For instance, this morning he told me he would call me and we can skype. He texted me in the morning to ask if I was up and I said I was running a little late. He said he would take a shower and call me when he was ready. When I was ready I called and texted him and when he finally called me an hour later, he was reading a book and hadn’t even showered. He told me he wanted to finish the book because it was good and he had to return it to the library, which I knew isn’t true because the book’s his mom’s. When I told him this, he admitted he was lying. I feel like he’s always trying to make excuses to not talk to me and only contacts me when he’s bored. I feel like I’m always asking for his attention, but he could care less about any of that. I tried my best to not bother him too much this summer, but it doesn’t bother him when I don’t call him. I’m always checking my phone, but he goes off to places without his phone. Am I overreacting? Or is he just not very interested? We’ve lived together for a year during college and spent a lot of time together, but I’m always the one waiting for him.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 He has told you before that you are too clingy and every now and he needs time to himmself.
And ...?... You did not listen ? It went into your right ear then straight out of the left ? :)..
If you are tired of always asking for his attention ,- then stop always asking for his attention.
This guy is in vacation, chilling with his parents, he is enjoying some me time. You LIVE together during school, you spend a lot of time together, and everything is fine , right ? .. So don't take it personally , he just is taking a breather , not specifiically from you ( although if you are so needy, I am not surprised he needs to come up for air occasionally ! ) , but from schedules, routines, obligations,punctuality. He wants the freedom to shower when he feels like it, and to finish a good book . Big deal. Read a good book you too, maybe it will prevent you from putting all of your energy in your love life only .
Btw : he DID contact you first, it was you who was not ready. So it is not exact that he NEVER wants to talk to you, maybe he just does not want to be tied up by your expectations.
Ok, I get it, you'd like it better if he was the fusional, romantic type that can't stay a day without you, it would be more flattering,more reassuring. But, he is not , he is an independent type who likes you enough to LIVE with you ( so he must be into you , otherwise he'd be a fool ) AND to be OK without constant contact for ... all of two weeks.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I think you should give him his space. I'm also the type of person who likes space in a relationship. I don't particularly have to talk to or see you everyday . . . I like my alone time. With me the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" really does apply. When I'm constantly hounded and bothered and not given my space that's when I tire of a particular person and lose interest then pretty soon want nothing to do with them. Your boyfriend is at the point where he has to tell you stupid lies just to get a little time away from you. You keep saying when you ready you call, when you ready you text even though he said when he's ready he will text or call or whatever. Give the guy his space otherwise all you're doing is driving him away. Give him a chance to miss you for once. Give him a chance to want to need to contact you because if you leave him alone he may begin to contact you first but that will only happen if you stop bothering him and start giving him the time alone he asked for so many times. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 You are overreacting. He told you he needs space! Hes thar kind of man! You are just different in this respect. You like a lot if contact and attebtion, he does not. Doesnt say anything about his feelings for you. Its just a matter of difference in personality. Honestly, it sounds like hes pulling away extra now because he feels like you are strN
angling him with clinginess. But you are just different in this... If you want the relationship to work you need to stop contacting him so much. Let a few weeks pass with no contact. If you cant do that and still be happy, if it makes you miserable, then this incompatibility means you should break up.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 July 2014):
You are overreacting. He told you he needs space! Hes thar kind of man! You are just different in this respect. You like a lot if contact and attebtion, he does not. Doesnt say anything about his feelings for you. Its just a matter of difference in personality. Honestly, it sounds like hes pulling away extra now because he feels like you are strN
angling him with clinginess. But you are just different in this... If you want the relationship to work you need to stop contacting him so much. Let a few weeks pass with no contact. If you cant do that and still be happy, if it makes you miserable, then this incompatibility means you should break up.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I'm not going to say you're over reacting, as your feelings are your feelings. For me? I can relate to your bf. I think he's just relaxing and enjoying his family and his down time. I'm the same way. I don't need a phone call all the time to feel loved. And I wouldn't feel neglected if I didn't receive one. I don't think it's anything personal. It just seems to be his nature.
I don't believe he loves you any less or doesn't care. I just think it's a personal difference between you two.
I'm assuming you have told him this really bothers you. You both could attempt to compromise - he call a bit more and you try not to get so upset when he doesn't call when you expect. Meeting in the middle. I don't see why two people who love each other can't compromise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2014):
 My question is HOW much interaction are you expecting from him?
He is on vacation seeing family. I can't see the huge need to Skype or constantly text and call, but I'm also from the generation that lived life JUST fine without cell phones and Internet.
When my husband was deployed (several times) to the other side of the World, I really didn't expect to be constantly in contact, partly because of his job but also the distance.
If you FEEL like you are doing ALL the work, then STOP. Like SVC wrote, let HIM row the boat or sink it.
You know where he is, you know he is safe, you know he will be back. Sometimes giving each other a little TIME and SPACE (like while he is on vacation) is a good thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): Maybe your relationship has reached its expiration-date. He doesn't seem too interested in keeping in-touch with his girlfriend when he's away; and it sounds like your relationship started out with you tagging-along, or waiting for him. His little shadow-girlfriend.
There comes a point when you have to decide you're tired of this, and you're not going to put up with it anymore. You put up with it; because you don't want to have to face single-life, without some guy to fall back on. You'd rather sit in the backseat of his life. You're in your early twenties, and you should be having a great time at this point in your life. A good education, a career, and independence.
I think the fact that you wrote to DC is an indication you're reaching the point you're finally getting fed-up.
If you need a little push. Here goes!
Dump the guy, get over him, be single awhile, and get into YOU.
He's just not that into you, or he's just tired of being in a relationship. Don't blame yourself for anything; except the fact you continuously hold on, when he isn't making any effort. You may as well be single; and on your own to do whomever you please, and whatever you please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): There should be love, trust and DEVOTION from both sides while in a relationship, no?Clearly you show much more devotion to him than he does to you and maybe that's the reason he may find you clingy. however if he shows little interest and you are always the one that has to initiate contact I can fully understand why you behave this way. It's his behavior that pulls you both apart, little by little. You should give him the same treatment as he gives you. You will find out soon enough how much he cares about you or not. If he comes running back to you but appears the same way and it's just the way he is (cold, not very open etc. the way he expresses himself and how much contact and love he needs), then you have to learn to live with it (good luck). Maybe he loves you but the two of you aren't compatible emotionally. orIf he clearly doesn't care and does not call or visit or anything of the sort.. then please end this relationship. Don't throw all your luck and happiness into a one-sided relationship!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 July 2014):
 If you are always the one initiating contact then yes he's just not that into you and he's settled into something that's easier than being single or looking for someone that really fits.
what will happen is eventually he will find someone else and will come up with some stupid ways to end the relationship making it look like it's your fault.
My suggestion: STOP rowing this relationship boat. Let it coast until he does the work. LIVE YOUR LIFE for you and not around him. WHEN he is bored or horny he will call you. if he asks to see you... if it was me I would not be available without 48 hours notice.
once you are no longer doing all the work, he may step up for a bit... but eventually you will see his true colors.
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A
female
reader, diamonddoll  +, writes (30 July 2014):
I think maybe you should treat him the way he is treating you! he knows you bother about it why not take a step back and suprise him! act as if your not bothered. go out with friends and keep busy! this might make him realise and step up.
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