A
female
age
26-29,
*he unknown
writes:My boyfriend left his FaceBook logged in on my laptop and asked me to reply to his mate on chat! But in doing so I had seen he had a few girls who he had recently spoken to and I know I shouldn't have but I read the mails and he was speaking to the girls normally and had notified them that he was with me! But through the messages they both got a bit flirty and he would out of nowhere comment on there bodies, boobs and bum, and to read it hurt, which is my fault for being nosey! But what should i do about it??
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): Good luck to you. Keep our advice in mind but do what you feel is right. I believe experience is always our best teacher.
Sincerely, wishing you the best.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 His behavior was inappropriate and deserves no defense. A confrontation is what is needed. So I suggest that you bring to his attention that you are aware of what he occasionally does. If you want to stay and work on things and possibly be back here with insecurities and trust issues presenting more evidence and asking for help with how you're feeling then that's your business. Of you feel it's not worth fighting over or feel it wasn't as disrespectful as we believe then you have issues with self worth because I think no woman would take something like that as nothing and just brush it off. It always causes issues even if just in you as a person where you question every person you know and every thing they say. If you feel this is no big deal then by all means disregard what we're saying but I doubt that if you didn't mind his behavior, you'd have come here to dearcupid. Ding Ding Ding, here you are! Decide how important he is to you and how important your relationship is to you and make up your own mind on what you feel. After all, we can talk 'til we're blue in the face and you would have gathered and grasped nothing at the end of it all. It's all up to you. He has a wandering eye but feel free to continue looking over your shoulder if you want OP. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 Oh yes that you are finding excuses for hm :). Not that he deserves beng flogged and hung by his thumbs for this little transgression, but, come on, ... he was worried because you were in Zante ? Fne, so now you know that any time you take a vacations with your grlfriends, or a weekend, or a sleepover at a friend's,... or even just a day trip on your own- he'll run on line to share his " worries ", not with friends, note , but with all his exes and ex flings and assorted flames.
If you are happy with that ( shrug ... )
And, he did not realize he was being inappropriate ? why, how old is he, 8 ? Does he not realize that when you bring up, and comment, a girl's boobs, ass , etc., you sexualize the conversation, and he should NOT sexualize his convos with women, -unless maybe if you are there too in a group of friends and it's blatant that it's all a big joke hahaha ?
If you want to decide that all in all he has always been good and this is is first and only slip up, so you'll give him a " get out of jail free " card, fine. If you decide that the guy's got a roving eye but he's too chicken to act on it, fine too. But, ... that you are not making excuses for a CONSCIOUSLY inappropriate behaviour, eh no, sorry but we don't buy it :).
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A
female
reader, the unknown +, writes (1 August 2014):
the unknown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the response! I've slept on it and I recall the dates were when I was on a girl's holiday in zante and he hadn't heard from mein a while I know its not ab excuse but I think he was worrying about me while I was there! The girls he was talking to one was an ec who had just trikes up a normal conversation which is fine by me and he had said to her that he was me and some of the conversationwas how he wasn't feeling great because he was missing me! So I think hedidnt see some of his flirtier comments weren't that bad! The same goes for the other girl she wasnt an ex as such just someone that led him on! But shed had asked him round her house and he had told me that shed asked him and he told me his reply which was all true! But she the replied oh sorry didnt realise oh lord I'm going to be single forever! Like she was asking for compliments of him so I think he may have felt trapped! But I'm not giving him excuses! Overall the relationship is really good and this is the first thing that has been a bit of a set back!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Has he ever done more that indicates that you can't trust him? This could be an early sign. I can fully understand that your curiosity was growing while looking through his messages when you had the change. I think most people would have done the same as you.It is not okay for him to compliment out of nowhere (seems weird to me) and certainly compliments about boobs/bum and anything of the sort. such compliments are reserved between boyfriend and girlfriend. it would be odd too if this happened otherwise:What if he found out that you have been complimenting guys (out of the blue) about their bum or glorious chest? He would be uncomfortable too, wouldn't he? You on the other hand would be uncomfortable that he had gone through your messages. It was not appropriate to read his messages and therefore invaded his privacy, but you have found out that he has been flirting behind your back. technically you both are guilty of something but you happened to be curious and you had the change and you feel sorry about it. Your boyfriend on the other hand clearly doesn't care and feels the need to flirt with other girls. Multiple girls.so how to fix this?Talking could be an option as it always is, but it could fire back. If you tell him in all honesty that you have read his messages he could be angry at you or not. you have told him in all honesty. He on the other hand did not tell you he flirted with other girls (unless he thinks his way of talking doesn't count as flirting). either way, you are NOT happy with his online behavior but you are also SORRY for reading his messages. If you promise to never do it again he has to promise HE doesn't do it again either. if you two are willing to both talk it out like adults, you two can compromise and are maybe willing to forgive. (otherwise good luck). And hopefully he will see his mistakes. if not, try to ask his friends what he has been up to. (Without sounding sneaky or controlling)Should you develope trust-issues because of his (continued) behavior, maybe it's better to end things. flirting behind your back is already a sign that he is looking for things (emotionally or physically) elsewhere and you don't want to read his messages all the time. don't tire yourself out. As I said: talking could be an option. If you choose to stay silent, you are mpre vulnerable for trust-issues so please solve the problem by confronting each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): me being me, i would have to confront him rather than pretend everything is ok. I would want to find out the truth... yh maybe you shouldn't have snooped but its still dishonest on his part. were/are you having trouble with your relationship in general??
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Called it instinct, maybe you felt something was off. Don't be too hard on yourself. As for your boyfriend, that is just not cool. It sounds lhe has a wandering eye (maybe...more likely, probably more) and is immature. This is a good time for you to think about what kind of man you want to be with. Even if he is not technically cheating, do you want a relationship with a man who acts like this? Would he think it's cool if you did this?You are young, dating now is a lot about sorting out the kind of person you want to be with. Take this opportunity to make sense out of that, his behavior sounds very sketchy and inappropriate. It shows a lack respect for you and that he is not too serious about you're commitment. Do you want this? It's ultimately up to you to decide what you believe you deserve from a man and life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Well, I would leave him. I'm sure he'll make up a bunch of excuses, but imo there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect. There ARE good guys out there--now go find one!!
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