A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody,I am a nursing student soon to qualify and I have decided that I want to go down the route of medicine. I have researched the course and contacted the university. I have paid for the upcoming GAMSAT examination and started revising. My problem? A friend that I've met on my course. We've got really close and when I told her that I had always wanted to do medicine straight from school but I had not achieved the desired A levels, (due to a family members death,) she exclaimed that she had always wanted to do medicine as well. I have not told her that I have applied for the medicine course or put in for the exam. You may think that this is me being a bad friend but here me out. I wouldn't exactly say she has been the 'best friend' to me, and I soon learnt that I have to keep my guard up around her. She often try's to influence my decisions, influence my relationship with my boyfriend, makes snide comments regarding lifestyle choices etc. I feel like she always has to do one better than me in everything. She can't support me, only out do me. I can bet any money that if I told her about the course she would go ahead and apply, her mother has connections in education, her personal statement would get written for her and her application would be above any others. I also know if I told her and did not get offered a place she would thrive off of it and use it to her advantage. I guess I need some clarification as to whether my selfishness is justified? I feel terrible keeping this from her, but I don't think I can be put down, out done and made a fool of again. I want to be able to achieve something by myself for once, this Is my dream, without having somebody constantly trying to compete against my grades etc. I also don't think she would allow me to forget about my failure if I did not get accepted to the course. Surely if this was her dream as well she would be looking for this course off of her own back? Rather than applying because I have.
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You don't have to share anything you don't want to. And yes, if she really wants the same things you do she will also make the effort to look for them herself.
That said, reading your description of this girl and her behavior towards you, I question your decision to keep her in your life as a "friend." If she's always making snide comments and keeping you on guard, what's positive for you about this friendship?
Feel free to keep your intentions private, but also consider surrounding yourself with people who are kinder to you!
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 I have a slightly different take on this than the other posters.
Of course you are not obliged to tell anything to anybody , friend or foe - so if you do not want to tell her , don't tell her, on the other end, why having to watch your step and keeping it a secret ?
What do you care if her vocation is genuine or copycat ?..
So if you apply for med school, she'll apply too. Good ! We'll have two doctors rather than one . We need doctors, particularly female doctors.
So she is "competitive ". And you are not, you don't want to compete. Too bad, may be you should . Medicine is a very competitive world , Heck, the WORLD is a very competitive world !
As a matter of fact, though, I don't think competition must necessaroly have a lot to do with this . It's just... you do your thing, follow your dreams because you want to. Other people will do whatever they want, why should you worry about it.
I get it, it's a ftail ego thing ( I am not putting you down, MY ego can be a bit delicate too at times ). What happens if SHE gets in and I fail ?, you wonder ... Well, that's a tough one ; I admit it's easy for me to say, but... I am a big fan of " own your actions " . For good and for bad.
If you try something and you fail,- and somebody remarks you failed, they might be rude, but they are telling the truth. If you can't handle failure, accept failure as a part of your human experience ( not this time hopefully ! Best wishes and good luck ! ) - if you have to be ashamed of the times when you do not win.... well, perhaps you should not even compete, you should not even try things. It's hard going around in life always hiding your insuccesses, your less than stellar moments.... always having to present a winning front, or else.
I guess my point is- don't tell her if you don't feel like it, you are under no obligation to reveal your plans even to your mom and dad, if you are a private person- but if the reason for keeping quiet is that you are AFRAID of what she may say / comment / react etc... maybe there's some work you also have to do on yourself... not on her...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 July 2014):
 "I also know if I told her and did not get offered a place she would thrive off of it and use it to her advantage."
"I also don't think she would allow me to forget about my failure if I did not get accepted to the course."
Do you see what you just wrote? I'm assuming you have legitimate reasons to feel this way. That being the case, I'm really not sure at all why you associate with this woman? You call her a friend. Why? Friends do not behave this way towards each other. If this is how your friends behave, who needs enemies?
I'm not that hard up for friends. If one of my so-called friends behaved as you've just described, I'd remove them from my life immediately and never think twice about it.
Why not just give her the slip? No sense in putting up with the drama.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 This person is not a 'friend' but more a close acquaintance. You are under no obligation to share every aspect of your life with anybody else, family, friends or even acquaintances, HOWEVER, I believe we all have a duty to ourselves to protect us, from all sorts of threats.
This person is not a friend, her behaviour is not of a friend, she will use you for her own advantage. You are correct, if her dream was the same as yours she would be researching (as you have done) how best to achieve it and then acting accordingly (as you have done).
If she has used connections, such as her mother, in the past she is probably somebody who just coasts along and getting through life by hanging onto somebody else's coat tails.
Remain friendly, but not friends, and continue as you are.
Good luck!!
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