A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymous s
writes:Im looking for guys opinions ....... I'm desperate to understand what men are thinking and the reasoning why they need to talk, flirt, cheat with other girls while they have a faithful loyal loving wife, family or girlfriend. How is it so easy for guys to break their SO heart? why do guys lie and say they'll never hurt you again but they do and it's a cycle that never ends no matter if you both move on to diff relationships the same things continue? What's so great about it? What's the point of being in a relationship if you act like your not ? I don't understand how it's so easy for men to do such things to their SO and family ? Why don't guys ever change after they mess up ? Why mess up in the first place ? Why stay in a relationship if you want other females attention and whatnot? Why do men hold on to their SO other and make promises they can't keep and expect their SO to forgive and forget and get mad when they question them because of their past actions ? I don't understand and I'm starting to lose hope idk what to do..
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 August 2014):
 Sometimes, I wonder why women will refer to their man-friends as people. Why not just call them "lawn specialists?" Why?
Because most every man.... regardless how wonderful, warm, beautiful and sexy his G/F, S/O is.... is on the lookout to see if THE GRASS IS GREENER SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!!!
THAT is the "key" to your question... and "explains" why they do what they do, despite, "...what men are thinking and the reasoning why they need to talk, flirt, cheat with other girls while they have a faithful loyal loving wife, family or girlfriend.
Good luck...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 August 2014):
 Men get their heart broken too, only maybe they are a tad less vocal about it. Do you think only men cheat ?...Or they cheat more than women ? .. Apparently this is marginally true for umarried couples, but among married people the stats say it's pretty even.
The problem may be that women's hearts are more breakable. 1 ) because they invest too much of themselves in their partner, they often totally identify themselves with being half of a relationship, and without that they aren't able / willig to do/ pursue / appreciate anything else in their life . It's like often women forget to have other wants needs wishes goals plans and pleasures outside of a relationship, which is foolish and self defeating, and leads to total heartbreak rather than just a few scratches,- men show some more common sense in that. 2 ) because often women cooperate actively in the breaking of their own hearts. I mean, you say it yourself- they take crap, then they go back for more- again, and again, and again. Now if this is not the definiton of insanity... you know the saying " fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me ". Both in the form of KEEPING taking back several times the same unreliable player, and in the form of going to another relationship ... with a guy who has the same markers of the previous one , in fact he's a carbon copy in mentality , values, and M.O. Those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them- and I don't know how much we can blame serial heartbreakers for that... Maybe they would not have so many hearts to break if the owners of said hearts were more careful, prudent,demanding and discriminating at the time of entrusting their heart to somebody...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): At your age and the tone of your post, I guess we can narrow this down to one guy in particular.
No one cries out in pain, and accuses a whole gender until someone they loved has hurt them really badly. Then you'll think about all the other women you know, who have been through the same thing. You don't care about the men who have been hurt by women; because you were hurt by a man!
You are very young and most of your relationships up to now are just trial runs; until you meet the one truly intended for you. In fact, in the short time since you were able to date; you haven't known that many. So you can't judge by your own statistics. Those you've found, are based on your own choices and what you like in boys to men.
In order to know life, you have to experience both the good things and the bad things. One of them is experiencing a broken heart. Men and women equally share that terrible experience. Cheating isn't the only way we hurt each other.
Women are prone to be more emotional about being betrayed. Men hurt just as badly, but we may not dramatize our feelings as openly. Although we can be pretty messy at times. If not worse.
Because men tend to be less emotional and often can be more promiscuous; society accepts a lot we do as just being a guy, or demonstrative of the male prowess. Coming of age, or just part of the male ego. If we have the right mentors as we grow up, they will dispel all the myths about manhood and show us what is right. Sometimes women can't see the forest for the trees. The good-guy is often not their first choice. He's often who they end up with. As nature will have it. Hopefully it's a good match.
My dear, most of the stuff about men having no feelings and treating women like dirt is mythical. Most men are not like that. Those who are, stand-out more; because they do so much damage. Like hurricanes, they get a name and they are remembered for the disaster they've caused. Who recalls a sunny day like they do a hurricane?
Why do so many women hold on to men that hurt them? Why do they over-look guys who would be good to them and go for the bad-boys? To ask you such questions is unfair, and generalizing. You've been wronged by a man, or men; and you will hate all of us for it. Understandable. You have a right to lash-out; because you've been wronged.
I don't know why some men sacrifice everything they have for a tryst, or to cheat on someone who cares so much for them. It's mainly because society allows men to chase skirts to prove virility and their studsmanship. Some are taught from adolescence that real men are promiscuous and don't have to be faithful. Only we learn that's a lie; because nobody stands for that crap. Well, foolish people might.
Some guys think it would be cool to live up to the worst male-stereotypes; thinking it makes them a big man.
For the most part, many never had a good male role-model from the very start. Either a no-count sperm-donor of a father who mistreated their mother, or a guy who was never even there. Even worse, one who was; and then wasn't. Abandoning everyone. So the bad ones are let loose to go out and reek havoc on women; and females think it's just what men do. That isn't true. You know that. Are you including your father, grandfather, uncles, cousins, and brothers. They are males. Have they all cheated? Left their SO's? Broken hearts of good girls and women? That can sometimes happen without intention. If you discover you're with the wrong person.
Are you saying nearly all women are faithful and it's only men who cheat on their SO's? Do you read DearCupid, or are you a new visitor? Men and women run neck and neck about the betrayal of a lover, wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend. The stories never stop. Good people who loved their partner's to the core. Yet, gender makes no difference who hurt who. Anyone is capable of cheating. It's just that most have the good character not to. It is often the cause of divorce; but many statistics point toward men, because of societal acceptance of male promiscuity. The myth we can't control what our penises do.
The smaller head has the brain. Like women don't think with their lady-parts? Why do you go through so much trouble to make them look good? When a guy cheats on his wife, does that make the woman who cheated with him innocent of cheating. Even if she knows he's married? Two people cheated, both. A woman wronged another woman.
When cheating does happen (male or female), we become jaded; and our cynicism gets the better of us. We want to fault the whole gender! Then comes the stereotypes and generalizations. We point one finger, but three point back!
You have to experience more male-types in order to determine what kind of guy is best for you. First, you have to establish your own independence. Learn your own strengths and weaknesses. Then you can make better choices of men; because you should chose mates to match, not to compensate for your own weaknesses.
You will learn to look for the best traits in men; even if you might have to sacrifice looks; or avoid being seduced by money and success. Not to say you can't have it all.
You don't always fall for the one you expect to.
You have to see the man for who he really is, not for whom you wish him to be. You don't want to depend on having a man, but depend on him being good to you. You have to develop and tweak your own faults and insecurities. Guys deserve good women who have it on the ball as well. Don't pretend like you're all innocent little angels and victims.
You will encounter a few bad apples along your journey. You must rely on your own strength and wits as a woman. Then men will not easily get the better of you; because you will know what you're looking for in a man, and you won't settle for anything less.
You're not perfect. You'll never know when temptation is set before you by another man; when you are perfectly happy with the guy you have. Such is life. It's full of tests. Some we pass, and some we fail.
You'll know when it's best to be on your own, as opposed to holding on to someone you know is wrong for you. Stronger women tend to complain less. They know who they are, and men don't easily destroy them. They get hurt, but they bounce-back. There is no such thing as anyone too smart or too strong to be hurt, or deceived. This will happen to all of us sooner or later. We just hope what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Learn to survive adversity in your relationships, know when to throw in the towel,and when to move on to save yourself. It's a tough decision, but you have to be strong enough to do it.
You will learn from your mistakes. Lessons learned will increase your success in future relationships. Some may not last as long as you hope, but sometimes it's quality not quantity. You will find the one just right for you. That is what you're being prepared for right now. You have to be ready. A good man deserves the best in you as well. So one guy is now out of your way, making way for the better man.
Although you're hurting, you also learned a significant lesson. It will be more clear to you, once you get past the anger and pain. You're too pissed-off at the moment. I feel you, girlfriend!
You first have to go through the process of courtship; and you weed out the guys you know aren't good for you. The signs are always there. We sometimes purposely overlook them in people we like; because many times we hope love will change them. You might make them better people; but that may not change the fact they are poison, and they will hurt you. You will learn that a man should be of good character to start with. You also have to bring something to the table to deserve having someone wonderful. It goes two-ways.
You're too young to be bitter and cynical. Just be single for a while; until you get your emotions in order. Think back and try to remember what was consistent about the jerks you've dated in the past. Then you'll know to run screaming for the hills when another one comes your way.
Good luck! You'll be okay. You came right up to us guys and threw it in our faces! You're pretty tough already!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Hi there.
I know it hurts real bad when someone you trust does something hurtful. But please understand that its not just men. Don't hate all men because a particular guy did this to you. I know lots of guys who have been dissed by bitchy girlfriends.
You are still young. Go out and experience the world yourself without having the need to have a boyfriend. In the process of doing that you will find someone that you can really connect to. Dating is not easy and will never be but when the right person comes along it will work when you both keep working towards it.
For now, let the pain take its course cause it will surely go away.
Good luck !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): "How is it so easy for guys to break their SO heart?"Because SOME guys are lying, cheating, cowardly, amoral scumbags."why do guys lie and say they'll never hurt you again but they do and it's a cycle that never ends no matter if you both move on to diff relationships the same things continue?"Because SOME guys who are inclined to such behavior know they can get away with it and because needy, clingy, insecure chicks with no self-respect make easy targets for such lying, cheating, cowardly, amoral scumbags who know exactly which buttons to push and which strings to pull in order to lure them in."What's so great about it? What's the point of being in a relationship if you act like your not ?"It's a boost to SOME guys' egos, a way to compensate when they know they aren't really men. "I don't understand how it's so easy for men to do such things to their SO and family ?"Because SOME guys are lying, cheating, cowardly, amoral scumbags."Why don't guys ever change after they mess up ?"Because SOME guys who are inclined to such behavior know they don't have to change; they can keep getting away with it because when caught "messing up" all they have to do in order to con a needy, clingy, insecure chick into taking them back is beg and plead, cry some crocodile tears, make false promises, and play to her ego and vanity by telling her what she wants to hear. "Why mess up in the first place ? Why stay in a relationship if you want other females attention and whatnot?"Because SOME guys are lying, cheating, cowardly, amoral scumbags who are looking to boost their egos because they know they're not really men."Why do men hold on to their SO other and make promises they can't keep and expect their SO to forgive and forget and get mad when they question them because of their past actions ?"Because SOME guys who engage in such behavior know that needy, clingy, insecure chicks with no self-respect are so dumb and/or desperate enough to latch on to a man that the guy thinks he can get away with deflecting blame and avoiding taking responsibility by throwing everything back in the chick's face, and it usually works. "I don't understand and I'm starting to lose hope idk what to do."Sorry, but if you keep falling into dysfunctional, unhealthy couplings with lying, cheating, cowardly, amoral scumbags then "men" aren't the problem, YOU are. You need to step back and examine what is motivating and driving YOUR behavior.
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