A
female
age
30-35,
*avannah1234
writes:I am looking for some advice on getting my boyfriends parents to like me.I'm 20 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend who is also 20 for about four months now. I have twin boys who are 18 months old. My bf is amazing with them and they adore him. But his parents are not thrilled about him dating a girl with two kids. I understand their concerns but I'm not trying to ruin his life or anything like that. My kids were 100% not planned and I have no plans on having anymore kids any time soon, I want to finish college, support my kids with out my parents help before I even think about more kids. I'm not trying to find a new dad for them, they have a great father that is supportive and we get along great. I need some advice on how to get his family and friends to understand that I'm not trying to trap him and that we are a great couple together. Reply to this Question
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 It sounds like you have got a good plan, annd everything under control :). With a bit of luck, it will all work out just right. Enjoy your bf, and do not stress out about his parents. Do not take it too personally- maybe these parents are being a bit overprotective with their son- but, you are a mom too: I bet you understand being protective- and some times, a little over-protective too :)
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female
reader, Savannah1234 +, writes (5 August 2014):
Savannah1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. Thankfully I am lucky enough to have amazing parents who are going above and beyond on making sure that my boys are well taken care of and that I get to finish school. My ex boyfriends parents are also extremely helpful. I go to school part time and work part time. I still live at home and my parents will not accept any rent money or things like that so my money to directly towards the twins needs. If this relationship last in the long run then and only then would I expect my new boyfriend to alter his life for my kids. I would never let him to feel like he had to finically support my kids. And I would never allow him to take time away from his own school to babysit or anything like that. I only thing I ask that he respects the fact that I can't go out and be the average free college girl, that I have responsibilities and that a lot of our weekend would involve kid activities. As for my ex I have been luck enough that he has been an active part of the twins life since day one and I understand he is only young but I truly see him being there in the future. Things didn't work out for us as a couple but we get along well and coparent and keep the our life's as drama free as we can
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 August 2014):
Dear OP, I think you 'll just have to accept that actions have consequences, positive and negative.
The positive consequence of having your lovely twins that, am sure, are your pride and your joy- and the negatve one of not being considered the best possible choice as the gf of a 20 y.o. boy by his parents and friends.
You say you are not planning to have other kids any time soon- but the twins too were totally unplanned , so it's not they can rely blindly on your planning abilities.
You say you want to be able to support your kids by yourself, and I am confident you will do it, but for the time being this is far to come, and life has a way at times to interfere with the best laod plans and most honest intentions, you can't be mad at their parents if they believe in what they see now , and not in what the future will be. Regardless, the twins ARE here , to be reckoned with and taken care off in any case. What happens if, like it may happen to the best of us, you lose your job or get sick or for any reason can't earn ?... that , if you'll be together, your bf will have to pitch in and help supporting two kids that aren't his, - detracting from what he and HIS own kids could have if you had not been on the scene. Ok, ok, he'd do it willingly and gladly, but you can't expect his parents to be THRILLED, can you.
You say the twins' father is present and supportive- now. I suppose he is a very young man too ?... Young men change, things change... ditto as above.
All in all it is not a scenario to make a parents' heart 's sing. You want these people to be more enlightened than the average parent :).
How do you convince them... ? With time and persistence. Time will tell. You want them to trust you, trust your words, trust your plans, but you know them , and the guy, since just 4 months 1
Show them in practice that you can do what you mean. Show them that you are ready and consistent in reaching your goals. Show them that the twins won't cost a penny , or the sacrifice of a single hour of study, to your bf, while he is striving too ( hopefully ) to reach his goals in life. Show them that you are having a healthy, happy relationship , and that dating a single mom does not have necessarily to mean "drama ".
Actions speak louder than words. So, keep enjoying your relationship without letting his parents' coldness or disapproval faze you, yet understand that they do not have to just take your plans and intentions as solid gold.
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