A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been hanging out with a guy I know from swimming club and recently he's asked me out on 3 dates. He's tall, fit, healthy, has a great job, is close to his family, we get along so well and he ticks pretty much every box!The only problem is....he has horrible breath! And it's that bad I almost can't go on dates with him. I ignored it the first date, hoping it was a once off....then he took me fishing a week ago and it was even worse, then today when I got into the car with him I almost dry reached and had to put the windows down...it was disgusting! I've subtly offered him mints and gum (which he declines every time) and I even jokingly asked him if he remembered to brush his teeth when he picked me up this morning but he laughed.I just don't know what to do. The poor guy probably doesn't even know he has bad breath. Do I say something or is that too rude on the first few dates? I want to keep seeing him but what if he wants to kiss me? I don't think I can because of this! Any advice? Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): It could be that he has bad oral hygiene, but there are actually other possible causes for bad breath that don't have to do with bad hygiene.
I have very deep tonsillar crypts which are ridges and pockets on my tonsils. Everyone has these ridges and pockets on their tonsils to some extent, however some people are just lucky I guess and have very deep ones form. These crypts tend to collect dead skin cells, and bacteria which may later form into tonsil stones. Even with the best oral hygiene, this condition causes bad breath.
The only treatment for this is to have a your tonsils removed. While children usually have a quick recovery from this, adults are in for a more gruesome version of surgery because their tonsils are rooted deeper in their throat tissue. This is accompanied by an extremely painful recovery process that usually takes adult patients up to a month for pain to subside.
This condition is a lot more common than it sounds. So be honest and tell him that he has bad breath. If he does brush and floss regularly, it might be a good idea to have a doctor or ENT specialist look at his mouth. There are tons of things that can cause bad breath (chronic dry mouth, etc...)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): SO I gather that after 3 dates you haven't kissed yet? DO tell him, like someone said you have nothing to lose, indeed bad breath is deal breaker.
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (3 August 2014):
 I would sit him down and explain that you really like him. Maybe tell him what you like about him and how much fun you have with him. Then ask, in a caring way, if he is aware that he has bad breath? Tell him you worry it could be a health issue, signs of teeth or gum issues or even intestinal problems. Ask if he has ever spoken to a dentist about it. He could have halitosis.
I wouldn't let him go without saying something to him, especially if he ticks all your boxes. Just be kind when you speak to him about this. Hopefully he just isn't aware of it and makes some changes to fix the bad breath. If he does know and he does all he can and this is at its best, then you need to decide if you can deal with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): You can ignore many quirks, but there is no dancing around hygiene. He's a very nice guy, and you can't be afraid to be open and honest; if you want to establish a relationship that you're someone he can trust. You are the one suffering. You're clean, and go out of your way to look your best for him, no doubt. So speak up!
Of course you should be nice and sensitive with him. Don't come right-out and tell him his "dragon is kickin'-it!!!"
Politely explain that you are trying to be delicate and honest. You really like everything about him, but please accept something you've got to say with only the best intentions. You have bad-breath, and you might want to see your dentist about it. Don't get too gooey and over-apologetic. Allow him some dignity, but he should know that oral-hygiene is important. You're not the only person he has offended. He should carry a breath-spray and breath-mints on a date to prepare for kissing and sharing your space. If you're going to be intimate, or in close proximity all-day or for the evening; you should please all the senses. That includes the sense of smell! If you're going to be self-conscious about something, your breath and hygiene should be at the top of the list!
Be polite, but straight-forward. It's too easy to be overly PC, and let a nice person go on embarrassing themselves. I think you'd want to be told. I would.
Someone less nice about it, will come out and hit him hard with the truth. Believe me, he'd rather hear it from you; even if it might embarrass him. To laugh it off when you told him the first time was kind of stupid. Be more direct.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 August 2014):
 Oh gosh, I surely don't envy you, because it IS embarassing, but, if you'd like to keep seeing him, you have to risk offending him, and tell him. You may be doimg him a big favout, because such a case of bad breath as to stink up the whole car can't be just a matter of having eaten something " weird " that day, or having brushed too little. Probably he has some health condition ( dental, or gastric, or he has post -nasal drip... ) which should be checked on and fixed.
Otherwise, the alternative, is just to disappear on him, no explanations given, and if you think about it, that's offensive as well.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 August 2014):
 Tough situation! This is a tricky one. But still, the options are clear.
A) You tell him, and the result is he either stops seeing you, or he fixes his breath.
B) You don't tell him and stop seeing him.
Since option B will mean you wont move forward with this guy, you don't really have anything to lose by going with option A. Some people think it's rude, I think you're doing him a favour. It's not rude when its the truth, and you have good intentions. You're not telling him to hurt him or make him feel embarrassed, you're telling him because you like him and want to pursue a relationship with him!
Maybe he knows and maybe he doesn't know, but this is quite crucial. You wont kiss him because of it, and I can't blame you, so this will put an effective stop to any romance. If it was something else, say smelly feet, you could wait with addressing it until you got to the point in the relationship where he'd be barefoot in bed. Or if the problem was sweaty hands you could address that when you got to the point where you'd be holding hands. But the problem is his breath, and you have now reached the point where you'd kiss him! So yes, you're at that bridge, and now you must decide whether to cross it or not. It might to early, since you have only gone on three dates, but if something isn't done there will not be any future dates...
It could quite possibly be that he's got something with his breath that can't be changed. In which case he knows about it, and has probably already consulted his doctor about it. If this is the case, then he'll just have to tell you, and you'll decide whether you can live with it or not. I'm just saying, there is a possibility that this can't be fixed and that his breath will always be like this.
Then again, could be he just needs to see a dentist and has poor dental hygiene, or maybe has a scare of doctors/dentists and has been putting it off for too long. In which case, something can be done. But the way you describe it, it sounds like this is beyond the point of where a toothbrush would help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): Brushing teeth is not going to solve the problem.
He needs to floss really well, use water pick like 3 times a day after each meal, and brush his tongue.
He has a lot of bacteria in his mouth, that's why the smell. A lot of people will tell you here that it's stomach problem. But in fact it's very poor hygiene. And it's very easy correctable.
My cousin had the same problem. His breath was awfull. I told him. We went to a dentist and the dentist explained to him how to take care of his mouth. My cousin was very diligent and soon he had normal breath.,
In your situation I really don't know. You just met a guy.
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