A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do a lot of people misinterpret politeness as flirting? I hate it when I'm friendly to people only to have them act cold. I smile at people passing by while out in public. Sometimes I'll get a scowl in return, usually from women. Men just look away, and refuse to look at me again. Is it because they think my smile is a come on? I have been a nice person my whole life, but lately I don't know how to act around people, because I'm afraid of being misinterpreted. I don't know why I let this get to me. I don't even know these people. It's just an automatic response I get to seeing another person, is to smile at them. Yet I'm sick of being snubbed. So should I start acting unfriendly like they do? How do you interpret a smile from a stranger? Do you look away without smiling back, and what is your reason?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2014): Thanks for the answers, all of you. Where I'm from, my behavior is considered normal, but I'll have to respect other cultures are different. I had no idea my smiles could be interpreted as creepy, being high, or some other problem. But if it's not normal here, which it apparently isn't, then I could see why someone would think that. I won't take it personally anymore. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I think a LOT of people mistake being polite, using your manners as flirting. Why? Because people forget to use their manners themselves most of the time.
I'd just be who you are and f you smile at people then keep smiling if they get miffed at a girl smiling they have some serious issues.
I am for the most part polite when out in society. At the store people seem to strike up conversations with me quite often which it fine by me, but I don't randomly talk to strangers.
Now if people look away, my guess is they assume you think they are someone YOU know, or they don't recognize you and don't know what to do.
I DO agree with the bubble-thing too. LOADS of people just walk around in their own little world.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I would not scowl but I would not smile back. Why ? because I'd assume you are high, or mentally disabled maybe. Why ? Because it's a matter of location, cultures, and social codes. Smiling at random strangers may be a nice thing to do where you are from, but it is not in any of the places where I happened to live. Things have different meanings and different social nuances in different places.
Like, you don't smile and say " hi" to strangers in New York, for obvious reasons ( that would be a lot of smiling and halloing to do, to MILLIONS of people on a subway train at rush hour , for instance :).
But even in smaller,mellower, gentler Italian cities,- that's not exactly what you are supposed to do, what you are doing to be polite would be actually IMpolite. These kind of social codes are very subtle- the general idea being that , if you enter in a shop or restaurant etc., then yes, you smile and say hi to sort of signify " I come in peace " , I guess - but people you don't know, talking to them and making eye contact , ie. basically staring at them, ( unless you have a reason, like you need to ask for directions ), is invading their personal ,psychological space. They may find it invasive or distractive.
We generally DO smile back at those tourists who wave and smile, , since they seem to like it so much and mean no harm :), but WHY they like it, we just don't get it, lol.
I've got the feeling that you are from somewhere else and living in a new place ? It takes a while to get attuned to your surroundings. What's customary and kind and recommendable in a rural context, for instance, may feel weird in a urban one, and viceversa.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I smile at everyone.. and I flirt with everyone too... most folks will talk to me and I start conversations with total strangers... I did it the other day and it turned out to me my old neighbors from 20 years ago.
I'm with Tisha... in this world folks are often not rude on purpose but rather they just are in their own bubble..
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I'd smile back. No harm in that. However, to answer the other question you asked, Yes, a lot of people do misinterpret politeness as flirting. I suspect that this is because especially these days, there are so many self centered people around who will only do things for people because they want things in return . . . That's how it usually goes, so when someone comes around who is very polite but expects nothing in return for what they do then people think that its got to mean that they're interested if they can be so nice. A lot of people misinterpret kindness and politeness for flirting. With regards to your last question which I've already answered; these people you smile at must find it creepy that someone can just walk around smiling at random strangers. Maybe they're not used to that. They don't really know how to react to such things so they just look bothered and keep it moving. That's all it is. They're not used to such things happening and don't know what to do or where to look because they don't know you. Don't worry that much about it although I would advise you to keep that to a bare minimum as people don't know what to do and don't want to respond to your efforts. Maybe then you won't get a little angry when people don't return the smile. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 July 2014):
 Honestly, I think it depends on what part of the country you live in. I live in the south and everyone smiles at you and says "hello" or "how are you?" when they pass by you. Up north, my experience is that people are much less openly friendly. That's why they call it 'southern hospitality' (then they turn around and mock what you were wearing behind your back). It's just a different set of norms regionally.
Did you recently relocate? Don't let it bother you or get you down. I don't think people are necessarily viewing it as flirting. I just think they apparently see it as weird to have a complete stranger smile in their direction. Like I said, some people may just not be used to that.
Personally, I don't think it's weird and I think it's very polite. But I grew up with it. So that's just me.
I would pay no attention to it. No worries.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 July 2014):
 Depends on the stranger and the context and the part of town and which country I'm in at the time.
If a young woman your age caught my eye while I was out and about and she smiled, I'd probably smile back and keep on moving.
If a young woman smiled at me when I was in a rush to get somewhere or caught up in my own thoughts, I probably wouldn't even notice that someone had tried to make eye contact.
It also honestly all depends on where you are. I've noticed that in some big cities, no one really makes eye contact. They are surrounded by lots of people and making eye contact and smiling to each person would take all day.
During rush hour and commuting time, everyone is rushing to get home.
One a nice spring day, in a smaller town, on a weekend, when people are strolling around and just basically hanging out? There's more chance of a smile.
You're trying to make a human connection with people, I understand, but perhaps as you are experiencing a high failure rate in the smiling back category, it may be time to become an observer of your surroundings.
Maybe don't try to be so friendly? That doesn't mean you have scowl at people or be unfriendly.
I guess I'd need more context about the last 5 times this happened to you. Could you please elaborate?
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