A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello was dating this woman for a short time. I just gave her Christmas presents, then next day she broke up with me. Should I ask for them back?
View related questions:
broke up, christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2015): Just a follow-up,I gave the presents, from my heart, i haven't heard anything from her, I deleted her number, so I wouldn't be tempted to call her, I guess I learned from this, slow down, watch more closely for the red flags,just like to say to all of you, who has put up with me, an my heart ache, thank you, for your advice, I just was trying, to make her happy, she didn't break my heart, I did that on my own, but, untill she can let go what her ex did to her ten years ago,she will keep punishing, every guy, who trys to get close to her, I hope, she can fine love some day, thanks again every body
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2015): I've had a man do this to me before, showering me with gifts whenever he possibly could. Giving me things I never asked for or even wanted. Then when an argument cropped up he would call me a money grabbing user.He acted terribly towards me and thought that spending a lot of money on me I somehow owed him one. Problem was that I never even wanted all these gifts from him.I split up with him about 2 weeks after my birthday because of something terrible he did and he just accused me of waiting until I got my birthday presents to dump him. Not the case at all.I'm not suggesting that you treated her badly but be very wary that you don't come across as trying to buy somebody or keeping count of how much you spend on people as a level of how much you care.Yes women like having presents and so do men, but the aim of gift giving is to make somebody else happy, even if she did split up with you the day after, it was a gift, you can't just take them back when you feel like it.My ex even tried taking back things he gave my little girl when he was angry. Some people think money and gifts mean the world, but not everybody feels the same.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 December 2015):
 In the future save the gift for someone you have been dating longer.
Not much else to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2015):
 Is the is the rose petal lady? The one who then stopped texting you?
What were the gifts? You mentioned a song on a CD and the rose petals, were there other gifts as well?
I see you hold out a great deal of hope in your expressions of affection. What the aunts here have been trying to tell you is that you are going a bit overboard in courting this woman. There is a happy medium between showering her with rose petals and gifts and ignoring her and trying to be that 'bad boy' you have referenced before.
In between is a place where you get to know someone better, before you make extravagant gestures of affection, which can be off-putting to many women. It's just too much too soon. Can you try to see it from her perspective at all?
That being said, if you have to express yourself in this way, then expect many if not most of the women you date to edge away from you. Eventually you may find someone who is equally smitten with you at the same exact level and with the exact same ideas of what is romantic.
Just try to tone down the big romantic gestures until she is indisputably in love with you. That's all. Be nice and courteous, just don't hand her your heart on a silver platter before she's decided she's really into you just yet.
Too much too soon.
Lighten up a bit. Otherwise you come off as desperate and needy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 December 2015):
 Ok, so no word after two weeks it's fair to say it's over. Assuming she hasn't suddenly died and her friends and family don't know of you to tell you, it wasn't very nice of her to just disappear, especially after receiving gifts from you.
Since you haven't been dating her for long the gifts shouldn't have been expensive.
I would not ask for them back. Like I said earlier, she should have offered them, but if she's not the type to do that then she likely isn't the type to return them if you did ask. Don't lower yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (20 December 2015):
 dude why are you showering her with gifts and you haven't known her that long. It sets a bad precedent and sends the wrong message to any woman. At least in my experience ladies prefer not to be given gifts after knowing one for so short a period it's like you are buying her
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2015): Disappeared, two weeks, I last tex her, nothing back
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2015): it sounds very odd indeed and i am not exactly sure what your motives are.
You say you gave her presents and then she broke up with you and should you get the gifts back?
Now it turns out that she just disappeared.
People dont just disappear and your complete lack of concern about her makes me wonder what exactly has happened here and what exactly are you wondering about.
I would think it odd if a person disappeared and then suddenly you turned up with their last gift of jewellery say and no explanation as to where the girlfriend had vanished too and very litttle concern either.
Explain yourself :what were the gifts and where is your girlfriend now?
Plus why did you give these gifts early when xmas gifts between couples are normally given on xmas day.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (20 December 2015):
Which one is it? She broke up with you or she just disappeared? How long has it been since you last heard from her?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2015): Hello, am the one who wrote, there was no argument, just being sweet to each other, then she disappeared, haven't heard nothing back, the gifts, was to show how she made me feel, I guess it must of been just a dream, I woke up, an now, I realize she wasn't perfect, she must of got scared, and I thought she might be the one, boy was I a fool, thanks for your thoughts every body
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2015):
 No, you should not.
Presents are unconditional, otherwise they aren't presents but bribes. You gave her presents as a way to express " I like you and appreciate you ", right ? " Not : " I like you and appreciate you ,... but only if you like and appreciate me back !".
Moreover, you and most of the responders seem to imply that she would have gladly left you the day before,... but she waited exactly on purpose until she had gotten her Xmas gifts .
Debatable. I think this is improbable, unless your gifts was really worth a fortune, or unless she is way more callous and ruthless than the average person. I doubt that anybody would get into this sort of calculations over , say, a " normal " , or even generous,expensive gift.
Maybe you broke up all of a sudden after a heated discussion- or else, it was a long time she was thinking about it and found the courage only that particular day. Either way , probably she was not focused at all about the gifts, just about the break up. And anyway, you have no evidence to prove that things went that way- so why don't you try and give her the benefit of doubt and assume that the timing of this breakup is unfortunate ,as that of ANY break up that happens around Xmas holidays / New Year ?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2015): Is there more to this story that you haven't told us?
Were you arguing or already on the verge of breaking up?
I highly doubt that everything was fine and dandy and you both were loving, you gave her presents of great value, she took them, and broke up with you for no reason what so ever.
If I gave my boyfriend a Christmas present and then for some reason we got into such a big argument that he decides to end things, Inwould not expect him to give me the present back, because at the moment I gave it to him, we were on good terms and I willingly and freely gave. It would be petty to ask for them back.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (19 December 2015):
 Why don't you arrange for a ton of horse manure to be delivered to her door as a follow-up New Year's gift? (only joking).
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2015):
Oh wow! What a "insert any chosen expletive"!
Should you ask for them back? Well, considering the manner she has shown here... I doubt she would return them and ... a gift is a gift. There should be no strings attached.
I hope to goodness you didn't spend too much on them, and like Aidan said, it's a small price to pay for knowing what kind of low-life SHE really is. GOOD riddance to her!
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 December 2015):
These presents were gifts. Gifts are given freely without contracts or conditions and that is what makes them gifts. They are given freely and receiving them imposes no debt or obligation on you. The honourable thing for her to do would be to return the gifts, but if she doesn’t then I would say this: whatever you spent was a small price to pay to realise that this woman is no good and you’re better off without her. Forget about the gifts, move on and try to enjoy your Christmas.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (19 December 2015):
Charming.
She should give the gift back voluntarily without being asked. If she doesn't then asking for them back probably won't make any difference and stalking her for them won't help either.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (19 December 2015):
 I would think that it is obvious that any possibility of a relationship with this woman is now over. Given that, I would weigh the cost of the present vs cost of dealing with her to get it back. In other words, if the price of the present was modest and low, I'd let it go but if what you gave her was expensive, I would demand that she give it back ... and keep doing that if she refuses just because, even if I don't get it back. Someone like her who lacks good manners, in my book, deserves bad manners repeatedly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 December 2015):
 She has bad manners and my guess is if you ask for them back she'll respond in the same way leaving you more annoyed with a responsive-NO. I wouldn't be asking for them back but I would let her know just how rude her accepting them under such circumstances is.
...............................
|
