A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:To begin things im just gonna say that im a virgin...well i had girlfriends before but im kind of the emotional attachment old school kind of guy so i dated a girl for 6 months and still didnt have sex. Even though i dated i always respected a girl enough to not try sleep with her right away. That left me in quite a slump ive recently turned 21 and decided to focus on career.And i realized that if i focus on my career...if I ever meet a girl and be 26 Yrs old. Is it embarassing for me to be a virgin? And will it be a huge turn off to girls if they find out im not all that interested in sex. Because some guys have sex all the time when they're dating or in a relationship and im afraid that i dont want to be that kind of guy. I know this maybe unbelievable or stupid...but before you say anything i am not gay. I like girls. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 December 2015):
 There is a difference between respecting a girl and not being interested in sex. You may be somewhat asexual and should find a girl equally disinterested. There are different degrees to it. Some people will kiss hold hands, but will not have sex. Some can't stand any physical touching at all. You are not only a virgin but an asexual one. If you date a girl, and the girl wants sex, she will wait and wait and hear your "respect" excuse and feel tremendously frustrated. Nothing is a turn off, it's just that people have to find their right matches so their needs are met. You don't seem to have many needs so what does it matter that you have a girlfriend? You may like a girl's ability to connect emotionally, to talk and listen to. Maybe BFFs and do that. Some girls friendzone guys. But if you go out there saying you are looking for a girlfriend, then girls would expect sex sooner or later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your inputs...I just felt that if I ever meet a girl and she happens to be more experienced than me that it'll push her away...same goes for before when i didn't initiate any sexuals in my girlfriend...she thought that I wasn't interested in her and only wanted to be friends. I just don't want that to happen to me again when I eventually start dating again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2015): Hi there. It really depends on the girl. I was a virgin when I met my partner but he wasn't and I often wonder how I compare and wish I had been his first too. That won't be the case for all girls but it's one way to look at it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2015): A few things: When you don't want to get physical with a girl for a while out of "respect" you are assuming she shares your values. She may not feel the same way about it at all. That kind of "respect" may not be what she wants. She may just want to feel naughty and sexy by screwing your brains out. Virginity? Girls always say its fine. Some of them even mean it. Others girls will think it makes you very cute and great for some other "nice girl", just not them. Just like guys say there is nothing wrong with a girl sleeping around casually, but that doesn't mean they consider her GF material. Male virgins are cute but not necessarily BF material in the eyes of many girls. And your chances of getting a casual hookup from a girl who knows you are a virgin are even worse, unless she just wants to deflower you for kicks.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 No way not at all. Man whores are a turn off I think. You don't have to advertise the fact and when you do find that special someone i would be surprised if she didn't think of herself as being lucky to be with a man that hasn't a long list of lovers to compare herself too.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 December 2015):
I am not turned off by someone who never had sex, but by the mere fact that make a big deal out of it. For some people, sex has nothing to do with respect. Your body wants it, her body wants it. If a relationship doesn't result from that, it's all cool. No need to feel devastated or damaged about it. I am fine with people who are wired to want sex only when there's emotional connection, but not fine with people who are quick to judge that anything outside of that is cheap and dirty.
I would find it more of a turn on if you are confident with who you are and your life decisions than if you have to defend them.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 No, it's not embarrassing. I've honestly never met a woman who found this to be a negative, so I have no idea why so many guys think we care. It must be a urban legend between guys, because between us girls it's a non-topic. It interests us so little that it's not something we even care to ask each other. We have zero interest in it. We care about how often he goes down on us, or if he's good with his hands, or if he brings home flowers and can carry a conversation. Really. It might sound boring, but women do not judge a man negatively for not having tons, or any, sexual experience. Quite the contrary most women prefer a man with little to no experience. Women do not like sluts for boyfriends any more than guys want sluts for girlfriends. We don't want a guy who potentially slept with half of our friends....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2015):
 I routinely brag to girls that I am a virgin.... hoping (against hope) that they will take pity on me and want to be my "first"....
So far, it hasn't worked.....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 December 2015):
I don’t think it will be a turnoff that you’re a virgin. The fact is, you’re a gentleman. You respect women, you take the time to get to know them and you take things slowly. For a lot of young ladies, that’s a refreshing change from the kinds of guys who sleep around, brag about it and are only after one thing. Find a girl who wants a gentleman like you, and it won’t be an issue. CindyCares is right: it’s not even that unusual to be a virgin at your age. There are plenty of young men and women who haven’t had sex yet. Don’t let this get in the way of getting to know new women and the experience of dating. Take it from me, a virgin of 26.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 No it is not embarassing for you to be a virgin at 21 and it's not even that unusual, it just sounds so because young guys who are sexually active tend to brag and boast about it ,while those who aren't instead do not advertise their celibacy . It will be a bit more unusual at 26, but no, I don't think it will be a turn off, - particularly because it would be out of your conscious choice and decision of to stay clear of all women and just give energy to your studies .
( Although, I must say, gee , it's great being serious about one's future, but - up to a point. All my ex classmates , for instance, went on to become surgeons and dentists and lawyers and architects and stuff,... but without giving up altogether all human relationships with the opposite gender ! I get it that being in college and mantaining good grades and preparing for your career is hard and time consuming, I know it very well - but oth hand, it's not exactly like training for a solitary mission to Mars ! Some people even manage to get married AND get a degree in the meantime !.... )
Anyway- just saying. My point is that no, your future virginity ( if you keep it ) won't make you a social/ sexual pariah, and if there should be any girls who reject you based on your lack of previous experience, well, that's their right and their choice, but it would be saying something about them, ...mainly that they are NOT the right girls for you )
I'd be more cautious in declaring that " you are not all that interested in sex ". It sounds a bit sinister, and like the shape of things to come is not very promising :) Now, I guess what you mean is that you are the type of person that would want an emotional connection before and beyond having sex, reason for which you don't go for casual encounters . Then, tell it like this , and I am sure everybody could accept that, and in fact it may get you various brownie points.
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