A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneI have been dating a wonderful man for 3 months. We were friends for 4 months prior to that.He is kind, attentive, loving, considerate, reliable, funny, generous, always keeps his promises, and generally a good man. We get on really well, our feelings for each other are growing, and I know he likes me very very much.We see each other at weekends, and text or message each other every day in the week. We usually take turns in being the first to contact each other.We both spent Christmas with our families, and saw each other on Boxing day. His family are German, and they celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve. My family celebrate on Christmas day. So we each have a special Christmas day.On Christmas eve (his special day) I sent him a Happy Christmas text to which he responded and we had a little text chat - in one text he wished me a very happy and joyful Christmas with my family. I sent the last text, so in the way we do things, it was his turn to text me next.However, on Christmas day (my special) day, I didn't hear from him all day. Not a text or a message. This totally took me by surprise as it is so out of character for him. I didn't contact him as I felt that (a) it was his turn to text, and (b) I had initiated contact on his special day and it was important to me that he initiated contact on my special day. We had a wonderful happy day on Boxing day, and I didn't ask why he hadn't contacted me on Christmas day. Even though we are now back to normal, and have contacted each other every day since Boxing day, I am upset about the lack of contact from him on Christmas day.My questions are:Is it reasonable for me to be so upset about this?Should I ask him why he didn't contact me on Christmas day?Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom, and a very happy New Year to you all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): Hello everyone, it's the OP here.
Thank you all so much for your level headed and very sensible responses. I'm so glad that I asked this question here, and you have made me realise that I am the one who has upset myself over something so silly.
I'm not going to even mention it to him. I agree that he probably feels that he had already sent me a Christmas message on Christmas eve. So I am going to forget it, and move forward with him and continue to enjoy our time together.
Thank you all again.
And I wish you all a happy healthy New Year.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 I don't think he did anything wrong, I think you are WAY overthinking this. You talked, through text on the 24th and exchanged merry Christmas greetings and that is that. There is no need for a repeat the next day.
And IF you micro manage who's turn it is to text in your relationships, well... you are going to find that it's pointless. It shouldn't BE about who's turn it it, it's not kindergarten.
It should be a LITTLE organic as to who texts "first" - if you have something you want to talk about, why wait? And if there are families or holidays involved it's NOT entirely strange that the focus is on the family and not a new acquaintance/partner.
Don't be petty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): P.S. Tell him that's the last HO HO he'll ever get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): You could say to him that he is a good-for-nothing humbug and he is not coming into your new year!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): HiI have been the same as you over things like this and I have realised that we all think differently. He has no idea that you are looking at this situation in this way. He didn't forget you, there is no malice intended is there? He had already wished you Happy Christmas so why do it again when he probably thought you would be busy with your own family. Who knows he may have thought 'I'd love to text her today, but I've already wished her Merry Christmas and she's with her family, she may be busy and think it weird if I contact her again to say the same thing'. Please try to realise as I have and it's taken some agonising like you're doing now, to come to the realisation that your boyfriend does not think this is important to you, has no idea you're thinking this way, had the above thoughts I mentioned etc etc. We do not think the same way. People don't. It doesn't mean anything and you really have to learn to let this stuff go as it is inconsequential and meaningless, because you have a great thing going and it's still all great. Read books like Men Are From Mars and the five languages of love to help you realise that men and women's thought patterns are not the same. He is thinking very much like you want him to I think and that is so rare, don't get petty about little things. In his eyes he's doing everything right, so in this instance don't correct him cos he is damn near doing everything right. There may be things that you don't do, wouldn't even occur to you to do, that he thinks Gosh I wish she'd done that or would do such and such. If he mentioned them to you, you'd be so surprised. But you really like him and want to please him, just as he really likes you and wants to please you. People are not mind readers.I said to my fairly new boyfriend a little while ago, why doesn't he park closer to my car as I always park in the same place, and then we could have a hug goodbye without him having to walk so far. He said 'Because that would involve thinking ahead and I'm a bloke. If you're going to start thinking that we think the same, then we're doomed. Doomed Mr Mannering!' Still makes me laugh and he's so right. So let it go and learn to let other stuff like this go as well. Concentrate on the important things he's doing like making you happy the very vast majority of the time and really love him for it and make times together good. Not insecure and nit picky. I can say that to you cos I was insecure and nit picky for England :) Go have fun x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 Let's hope that baby Jesus wasn't a stickler for details and for punctuality at your same degree . Otherwise I can picture very well in my mind the scene at the arrival on JANUARY 6TH ! of the Magi Kings, bringing their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh :
Baby Jesus ( looking daggers and tapping nervously his fingers on the side of the manger ) : Oh halloooo gentlemen. It was about time, wasn't it ? As if I've got nothing better than laying in a manger waiting for you guys to show up ! It's drafty in here, ya know ? , and let me tell you, this ox- and-donkey-operated heating system is a fluke , totally ineffective..
Look, don't get me wrong : the gold and frankincense and myrrh and all .... it's first rate stuff, I can see that, don't think that I do not appreciate, it must have costed a bundle. But.... seriously ?! Today is January 6th !, I was born on December 25 Th ! My special day ! Hallloooo ? Did somebody not get the memo ?!!
Yes Melchior, I know; don't give me the " but we do not have Fedex yet, we do not have UPS yet ": I KNOW .
But ... you are a Magus , aren't you ? And your pals too.
That , correct me if I am wrong, means that you are seers and astonomers , you predict the future, you can see events before they happen right ? You KNEW that when the comet was passing over Betlehem , that was the day- December 25 th. Now don't tell me that first rate Magis like you guys are supposed to be could not have planned and timed the whole Adoration thing a bit better and made sure that yourselves and the camels and the gold etc. could be here by December 25 th !. Well..ok, I'll cut you some slack, what with being an absolute mondial first and everything , but from now on please PLEASE remember : my special day is Dec. 25th. Not Dec. 24th nor Dec. 26th or anything.
Just December 25th. Got it ? "
I guess it's superfluous to remark that yes, as for me personally, I think commenting on the missing Merry Xmas- when you exchanged Xmas greetings the night before ,( which anyway it is not a separate occasion but part of the same event ) would be very petty and uncalled for.
And in any case, not good strategy. You found a wonderful man who is loving caring generous etc.etc. These men ( and the chance to meet them ) do not grow on trees . So, be wise and pick your battles.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2015):
 I don't celebrate Christmas at all. To me "happy holidays starts on Thanksgiving (4th thursday in November) and runs through January 1st. We do not have Boxing day.
I too think you are being picky about this.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 A happy, safe and prosperous new year to you as well.
He probably thought that since you'd both already exchanged Christmas wishes there was no need to repeat the same the following day.
Whether you celebrate it Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, or even Boxing Day, it's all about the one event anyway.
So, no I would not bring this up as I think it would sound very petty. If things are going well between you there is no reason to introduce strife over something that is, in my opinion, rather trivial.
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