A
female
age
41-50,
*ountryaly76
writes:I'm not sure if I got a marriage proposal last night or not. I know that sounds strange, let me explain. It was a spur of the moment kinda thing, no ring or anything. We were walking around our local park which is decorated in christmas lights it's very beautiful and romantic. He stopped under an archway and said, "once I get some stuff taking care of and get more financially stable would you marry me?" I said of course I would. I love him like no other, but am I engaged? I mean I don't have a ring? I don't know of I should tell people. Does maybe it mean that once he is ready that he will ask again with a ring? I don't want to ask him what he meant. Please help
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female
reader, MartiJJ  +, writes (25 October 2016):
 I would have said "I'd marry you now, in an instant" was that not the response he was hoping for, was that not what you meant ?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 He meant, and I quote: once I get some stuff taking care of and get more financially stable would you marry me?
What's so hard to understand? I know you would rather he just proposed, but he didn't. He asked you to wait until he gets some stuff taken care of and get more financially stable. Then he will bring the topic of marriage up on the table.
Some people feel that once you ask someone to marry you (get engaged) then the wedding should happen quickly after, and some believe a long engagement to be a bad omen. While others, probably like yourself, do not see a problem in being engaged for years until the time is finally ready to marry.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 No no, do not go around telling people you are engaged because you are not yet. Your bf was sort of seeing how the land lies, he does not want to rush rearranging his business and becoming financially stable... only to maybe find out that you do not believe in marriage, or that for reasons of yours you love him, but don't see him as marriage material.
I must say his pre-proposal is a bit of a spoiler for the romantically minded (.. what, no surprise ?: ) , but it shows he is a prudent, sensible person- and a honourable man.
The temptation is too big to resist it, and I am going to launch myself into one of my verbous Jane Austen digressions. I know that there are a couple of Janeites among the Aunts, and hopefully more among the general readers- all the others,... kindly bear with me.
When in "Emma " it turns out that Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax had been secretly engaged all along,- there's a big hue and cry . Their relatives and friends very upset and Frank is forgiven just because he is such a natural charmer that he can wrap anybody around his little finger. But the general idea is that they have done something WRONG.
Now, one would wonder why . The two characters were single and of age, and if they wanted to get engaged and keep it private , it should be only their business, right ?
The point is , that Frank, being pennyless ( and of course in his social class and time, he was not even considering to get gainful emplyment ) can't say WHEN, more or less, he will marry Jane. It all depends upon the rich aunt from whom he is going to inherit, and this lady is not in good health yet who knows, she may die soon, or in a few years or maybe even in ten years. So, it's very selfish and manipulative of Frank to take advantage of Jane's attachment to him to tie her to a committment which nobody knows how much it will last, one year, or fifteen. By doing so he makes her- or lets her- forfeit her chances to have a look around and consider or accept other offers by other men who could give her what she wants : and independent home, a family, a relationship lived publicly and openly.
Of course, one could say hey it was 200 years ago !, things have changed .
Sure... but some thins maybe haven't changed that much , or should not have changed.
Still now , getting engaged is something very different from calling dibs on a person , and using the proposal, or the ring, to scare away competition. Because an official engagement entails expectations and actions that just dating does not. Down to very practical consequences. If you are engaged and going to be married reasonably soon, it does not make a lot of sense, for instance ,if you accept a well paid job at the other end of the country, or of the world, and start your married life with an LDR. But if marriage is still somewhere in some undetermined future, one could ( probabaly should ) consider the offer , and use the meantime to gain more money / creds / work experience. This is one example, but the same goes for many things, from common purchases to living together or getting pregnant or dealing with each other's families , etc. There may be many situations which can be dealt quite differently whether you are " hopefully going to share a common future some day "
, or if you know this common future starts June 15, 2016.
So, for the time being, your bf just wanted, wisely, know how you would feel about getting married to him. But , to take on the responsibilities , mindset and choices of an engaged person,... you'd better wait for the official proposal.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 December 2015):
 Definitely NOt an official proposal, Honeypie is right it is a "what if".
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (13 December 2015):
It shows good intent but he still hasn't proposed. But I'm sure the question was a nice surprise for you and made it a very magic evening.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 I agree with Honeypie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): Oh no don't tell people you're engaged, he obviously wants to sort things out before getting engaged. Getting married is so expensive and I don't think he wants to jump into planning that just yet.
It's nice to know that he sees himself marrying you though :) My boyfriend has talked about marrying me loads and he's never actually got the ring or out right proposed which is kind of disappointing after three years of him chatting about it. Nah, don't tell everybody that you're engaged.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 December 2015):
 Nope, that was a "sending feelers out". At least in my book. He was basically asking If you would say yes, IF he proposed.
So I wouldn't take it as a proposal.
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