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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I broke up with boyfriend because he still doesn't want to marry for several years
Q. Tonight,I broke up with my bf of 1 year. It's been a lovely year,ups and downs of course. We love and care about each other,But tonight I expressed to him that I wish to get married soon as my parents are traditional; we are 8 years apart,he is 20 ...
A. 23 January 2016: I guess you made the right choice ; actually, it was sort of an obliged choice. Romance is not enough to keep two people together , they also must have compatible goals in life. If for you it is important to be married, and not too late too,- ... (read in full...)
Should I break confidentiality to protect a relative?
Q. This is sort of an ethical dilemma. I volunteered at a transitional home for women most of whom were recovering drug addicts who had child service cases. One lady there, who I will call Shelly, opened up about her story and how she grew up in a ...
A. 23 January 2016: If you are bound to confidentiality, you are bound to confidentialy in any case ( unless if given by your higher- ups explicit permission to disclose informations, and also told which specific informations can be given to whom ). In ANY ... (read in full...)
How can a man cut feelings out of his friendships?
Q. I have lost guy friends due to them having feelings for me and so when one of my married guy friends started to get distant, I asked him if it was because he was getting feelings. He said, "I dont really have feelings. I've cut feelings out of t...
A. 23 January 2016: Maybe he started getting distant because he noticed or guessed that YOU have romantic feelings for him ?
I think both his getting distant and his words simply mean : " I am married . Don't get any ideas. Let's not even get there . This is not ... (read in full...)
I gave my crush my phone number, he never called but gets jealous??
Q. why would he act this way....i gave my crush my number figuring he wasnt flirting with me for nothing nor asking me what am i going to cook for him, well he didnt call and almost two weeks go by so i went to the store yesterday and he was there, and ...
A. 23 January 2016: Oh, so is this Mr Fluffy ?
Well, do not discount the possibility that he already has his Fluffette ( short guys have their admirers too, as you should know ) and he is only flirting to kill time at work , or because he is a flirty nature. He gets... (read in full...)
Did how I act merit her emotional outburst?
Q. Hey guys. I posted on here a few days ago and got some really good responses. I'd like to maybe get a new perspective after these past few days because now I feel a bit crazy. I had a regular friends with benefits and I thought things were goin...
A. 23 January 2016: Maybe it's just me . Ok, probably it is me . I don't come from a typical " drinking " culture , and in my country people do drink, but following a quite different set of
" rules " , habits and customs. So, hard as I try, I can't get how peop... (read in full...)
Could the teacher have us arrested because we kissed?
Q. A teacher caught me and my friend kissing at school. It wasnt the first time we kissed, we have known each other since we were little. We started kissing early last year but we always did it at each others home in our rooms. The teacher gave us such ...
A. 23 January 2016: In theory, yes.
Public displays of affection would only be a criminal offence under the Public Order Act if the conduct was likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress . So, if the kissing leads to fondling and gets somewhat out of hand , a coup... (read in full...)
My best friend's girlfriend becomes estranged from our friendship out of jealously/self-esteem issues... how can I help?
Q. Hi - I'm in a bit of a confusing situation right now. I'm very close friends with two people - Jack and Jill - who have been together for over five years. I've known (and have worked with) Jack for nearly four years, and have known Jill for nearly ...
A. 22 January 2016: I agree with the others . I think that either you are naive...or you are playing dumb.
Do you really not see how planning a fun shared hobby, with regular , time consuming sessions ( I suppose, going by my own oil painting classes - pain... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
Q. If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
A. 22 January 2016: Absolutely unethical. Morally despicable. The triumph of a coward, self serving, over inflated ego which feels it is preferable to treat people just as means to a petty selfish end , rather than doing some serious , decent attempt at personal ... (read in full...)
Second thoughts on my long distance love
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for 2 years now. We see each other every month or so. When I first dated him, I knew that our lifestyles and careers were quite different. I work for a well known tech' company as an operations manager. I make ...
A. 22 January 2016: Who cares if he does not work ( by choice ) ?! Who cares if he sleeps all day ?!....
EVERYBODY ! Everybody would care, if they have even an ounce of interest in their own future and happiness ! Who could possibly not care if they only stopped and ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to delay my period from starting so I can have sex?
Q. Hi I'm looking for a little bit of help, I'm going to my boyfriends house tomorrow and we were planning on having sex for the first time, we are both totally comfortable with this but my only issue is that I'm due to have my period this week but it ...
A. 22 January 2016: Gee, OP, where's the fire ? Why the rush ?
Why making things complicated and interfering with your body chemistry- when all you've got to do is to delay your first time for just a few days ?
Yes, menstrual cycles can be delayed - under medical ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever had an experience that felt like they met their soulmate?
Q. I know that it is scientifically impossible to state that there is a such thing as destiny, but it would be the same bias to say that merely freewill exists as well. I'm wondering if anyone here has ever falling in love with a person beyond the ...
A. 21 January 2016: Sorry, I am sure that this is not what you want to hear , but no, I am very skeptical about this soul mate thing.
I am not skeptical about soul mates in general ; I am skeptical that this guy is your soul mate and viceversa.
What, you two are ... (read in full...)
Do I let my ex know I'm angry about how he ghosted on me?
Q. my ex and i were on and off for years about 3 weeks ago he ghosted on me, after months of closeness, sleeping together, weekend visits, basically acting like a couple without the title. it felt like we were really close again. until he went silent r...
A. 21 January 2016: No no, let it go. Totally.
Look, if this guy ghosted on you, obviously he did not care about you / respect you enough to think about your feelings, sitting you down and explaining you nicely, " I am sorry, we had some great times, but... " or w... (read in full...)
My BF just got back from a trip and said he missed me but I had to contact him to make plans to see each other
Q. Just want to know your take on my situation. I am not sure if there is cause for concern. I hope you can help me figure that out. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. We have a great connection as friends and still after all this t...
A. 20 January 2016: Not to discount female intuition, but...this post,and question, is a bit strange. What kind of relationship do you have with this man ? It sounds a bit unbalanced, as if he is secure and confident of having your interest ,.... but it's not the ... (read in full...)
How do I handle the wedding invite of a brother I haven't spoken to in 10 years?
Q. About ten years ago, I caught my brother stealing from me(about fifty dollars) so he could take his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) out on a date. He was a very selfish person. At that time, we live together at my parents house. Due to my ...
A. 20 January 2016: I don't think you have been invited by mistake, I think too this is your brother's way to extend an olive branch.
If you want to accept it or not is up to you. I understand how shocking it must be having something stolen from you precisely by t... (read in full...)
Why would my co-worker encourage me to go to night out with everyone and then ignore me the whole night?
Q. I'm left slightly confused over something.... I've been in my current job for 5 months. Now the other week our manager arranged for us all to go bowling and then for a bite to eat at the weekend. I was unsure if I could make it but the lady who...
A. 17 January 2016: I am with WiseOwlE on this.
You are reading too much into this. She " urged " you to go ?... she asked you, or suggested you to go,- but I strongly doubt that she particularly cared whether you'd go or not. ( You, or any other new empl... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 17 January 2016: Thank you for the update ; now let's hope that yow will not only talk the talk but also walk the walk ! :) If you can really just relax and see what happens, without having any particular expectations or making any special emotional investment, ... (read in full...)
How do I fix up the messed up family relationships that I have?
Q. I need some advice in an urgent way. My life is in shambles. I wrote last March under the Family section under the title of Why am I the Family Villain? But I am not writing to complain about that any longer. I have been spending a lot of time back ...
A. 16 January 2016: How curious , OP. There's a question posted on DC on April 2nd, 2010 by a 23 y.o. under the title " I haven't forgiven my mother for grounding me when I was 12 ! "
She tells your same story, with slight variations in details ( punished at 12, ... (read in full...)
What's a reasonable degree of involvement with your in-laws?
Q. I'd like to have opinions from the Dc community about what's a reasonable / sustainable degree of involvement with your in laws. ( I have my own opinion, and I am also pretty sanguine about it- but, although I hate to admit it :) I can't al...
A. 15 January 2016: Thank you Honeypie and Tottochan. I'll tell your advice to my friend ( I can't just show her the posts, since I am calling her husband a wuss :) , and I am sure she'll be very comforted by your words. She is really uneasy about this issue because ... (read in full...)
Will having a pet interfere with my dating life?
Q. Hi all, this is not a relationship question as such but any advice would be appreciated. I have been single for just over a year now and living on my own for around 6 months. I have absolutely always wanted a dog or a cat (or even a rabbit), ...
A. 15 January 2016: There are pros and cons in ref. to dogs and dating.
Sure, you may meet some guy who dislikes dog, or some guy who wants a woman with no baggage at all, not even a pet.... on the other hand, do you remember " 101 Dalmatians ",right ?, How the main... (read in full...)
Am I an idiot to keep responding to him?
Q. Met a guy from a dating site 2 years ago. Met him on and off throughout and we just meet for sex. last time i saw him was about two months ago. I would of liked him to of wanted more then sex but i know he doesn't. The sex is alright but i know he ...
A. 14 January 2016: Emphatically yes and yes.
" When I told him that I can't be a text buddy anymore, he ignores me... " Well ? Ignore him back ! Don't reply when he contacts you ! Don't engagé him in conversation ! Even better, just block him and be done !
What... (read in full...)
Old fashioned parents spoiling my big day
Q. Hi, I'm almost 17 and this is my last school year. My mom have this 'bohemian "evening" dress' that was made in Indonesia, which my gran got her but my mom never wore it so she gave it to me. I'm grateful for that and all cause the dress fits m...
A. 13 January 2016: Yes, we'll keep our fingers crossed too :).
But even if you don't convince your parents... don't let this spoil your mood; go anyway, take some girlfriend along with you, and have a blast. Remember, it would not be fair to your schoolmates to d... (read in full...)
When is right to ask her over?
Q. Hi, is four dates, too early to ask to come over to her place, bring a movie, and popcorn so we can be alone, and snuggle. We have been out dancing, out to eat, talking on the phone, that is texing. I have ask, she says its too early. I don't dr...
A. 13 January 2016: If she already told you it's too early- then it is too early.
Other women may feel it's not too early, but it does not matter, because you are dating this one and you have to take into account what SHE is Ok with.
Which it may not be a bad th... (read in full...)
Old fashioned parents spoiling my big day
Q. Hi, I'm almost 17 and this is my last school year. My mom have this 'bohemian "evening" dress' that was made in Indonesia, which my gran got her but my mom never wore it so she gave it to me. I'm grateful for that and all cause the dress fits m...
A. 13 January 2016: One man's trash is another man's treasure...
While I was reading the description of your evening dress , I was positively green with envy.
I love this kind of " boho " , ethnic dresses, and here in Italy they are very hard to find and very exp... (read in full...)
My girlfriend treats me like a child
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months, we met in the health club we work at (I'm a physical therapist, she's a yoga instructor). Things have been great, but their is one HUGE a problem, she's 10 years older than me (I'm 26,she's 36) and she ...
A. 13 January 2016: Yes, she is mothering you. But maybe she would not have to, or would be less inclined to do so, if you acted more like an adult rather than like a bratty teenager.
Like, having to be " called " and urged to do chores. Of course she could have... (read in full...)
Will he ever get some courage and finally ask me out?
Q. Will he ever get some courage and finally ask me out? im 32 and he is 27 he is a store manager at a grocery store...from the looks of things he is doing quite well for himself. well ive had a couple of customers ask me was I his girlfriend..i sa...
A. 13 January 2016: Well, he should !, if he is into you , and does not call you, he must be a veeeeery bad,sad case of social anxiety. I mean, in case he did not want to risk rejection, - you made everything so plain and easy for him, you could not have signaled ... (read in full...)
Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?
Q. Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...
A. 12 January 2016: Of course wives are replaceable too; everybody is replaceable. Even Kings and Popes. Only, no, I don't think it happens more often than we'd think. There are a few studies on this subject, and more or less the stats calculate at 3% the number of ... (read in full...)
He's kissed me. Separately he's been cold too. What do his actions indicate?
Q. There is this guy on my college course and I really like him. We are quite close to each other and he knows I like someone in our class. The problem is he's kissed me a few times and flirts with me and then he can be really cold to me. I don't know ...
A. 12 January 2016: But he must know already that you like him, because you kiss him ! Why would you accept and kiss a guy whom you don't like- unless you are a girl that just kisses everybody just for the heck of it ?!
So, I suppose you'd have to be brave and ... (read in full...)
Sex is good but he's gone cold
Q. I met a guy at uni a few months ago and i guess we sort of became fuck buddies having mostly drunken sex. It hasn't been constant but before Christmas it was happening regularly and it turned into a more friends with benefits as we spent more time ...
A. 12 January 2016: I doubt that he wants more than sex from you, because if he does, being blunt, ignoring you and keeping you at arm's length is surely not the best way to show you that he wants more, and I bet he knows that , no matter how young or inexperienced ... (read in full...)
Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?
Q. Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...
A. 12 January 2016: To divert the lover's attention from the undeniable fact that she is sitting home alone making do with some bulshitty texts, while he is in vacation with his wife next to him, talking to her, going out with her, spending money on her and having sex ... (read in full...)
Is he a psycho? Is he trying to have friendship on his terms?
Q. Dear Aunts, a dilemma has been haunting my life since 3 years. A guy I was on/off with For 3 years has re-entered my life after he asked me to never contact him again In June. he wasn't being available and consistent so I burst and freaked out one ...
A. 11 January 2016: I am hesitant to answer your question, because I think you won' t make a good use of the answer:)
Because, logically, the answer should be " Yes, that's a possibility too "- I mean, why should he necessarily be single ? we do not know, but of ... (read in full...)
Now I know should I meet him?
Q. Hi, I met this guy online. We been talking 5 months. He lives 2000 miles away. He wanted to come visit me however I have roommate so we mutually decided I go visit him. I was under the impression we were dating monogamously. Come to find out, he's...
A. 11 January 2016: Denizen, I think you did not understand correctly. I think the OP mentioned her roommate just to explain how come she decided going to visit the boy in his place and not viceversa ( not enough space and privacy with a roommate underfoot).
Unlu... (read in full...)
Is he a psycho? Is he trying to have friendship on his terms?
Q. Dear Aunts, a dilemma has been haunting my life since 3 years. A guy I was on/off with For 3 years has re-entered my life after he asked me to never contact him again In June. he wasn't being available and consistent so I burst and freaked out one ...
A. 10 January 2016: Yes he is framing this thing ( ... not really a friendship ) in his own terms. Which is not surprising, because your relationship is not on an even keel and he knows it perfectly. That's why by his message he sort of put you back into your proper ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I'm over-analyzing or not. Does his lack of reply mean he doesn't care about me?
Q. Hi, A little background: I'm in a long-distance relationship where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US. I've known him for 4 years (before moving to China) as great friends and co-workers. We started dating 6 months ...
A. 10 January 2016: "Is that being needy ?" ... Good question; and hard to answer.
Because , if you ask ME, based on my opinion and personality, and/or how I would act in your place, I have to say : yes, that's being needy.
Then again, we all have differen... (read in full...)
If my ex tries to talk to me, should I listen, or stay with the new partner?
Q. Met someone new, three dates, going great, showing me more then my ex did, but am still in love with my ex. In my past, this has happened, more then once, when things were really starting to be great with the new one, my ex would pop back in the p...
A. 10 January 2016: Based on your own experience, apparently you shouldn't : if any time you leave the new one for the ex.... then the ex dumps you and leaves you high and dry !,- well how many times do you need to repeat an experience before you learn from it ?
... (read in full...)
But why the sudden blanking...what does it mean?
Q. I split up with my ex a year and a half ago. It was pretty messy he ended up going to prison for being an idiot, all alcohol related. He has a problem with alcohol. It was over because I couldn't deal with the stress of it anymore. We didn...
A. 10 January 2016: Assume that he does not ( want to be with you ) and thank your God for what is a real blessing even if disguised as an unexpected communication breakdown !
Do you really need in your life a cheating alcoholist with a prison record ? Having a rela... (read in full...)
Money problems resulting in relationship problems!
Q. I have a situation which is as old as the hills, but here it is; I'm a self-employed person.Up til recently business has been good, but for now and the forseeable future my earnings are taking a huge drop. I have a small amount of savings which ar...
A. 9 January 2016: Errata corrige : SEVEN years of nice clothes. Not just 4.... (read in full...)
Money problems resulting in relationship problems!
Q. I have a situation which is as old as the hills, but here it is; I'm a self-employed person.Up til recently business has been good, but for now and the forseeable future my earnings are taking a huge drop. I have a small amount of savings which ar...
A. 9 January 2016: I think that in your case that may be exactly true...,,
Sorry, maybe I have a bit a rigid , calvinist mentality about this kind of things, but , even if we don't want to label her as a gold-digger, she surely acts entitled, and you surely enab... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I'm over-analyzing or not. Does his lack of reply mean he doesn't care about me?
Q. Hi, A little background: I'm in a long-distance relationship where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US. I've known him for 4 years (before moving to China) as great friends and co-workers. We started dating 6 months ...
A. 9 January 2016: Nothing, or, actually, exactly what in your text you said you were going to do : catch up with him tomorrow.
In your message you said that you had been in an accident but basically OK ( so he knows it's nothing really serious and he is not too ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to carry on with this married man? Or walk away?
Q. I met a guy last year and we clicked instantly.as we got to talking he told me he asked if I was single and I said yes. He told me he was married but wars us to have a relationship.he told me his wife is in another country and doesn't live with ...
A. 9 January 2016: .. But your heart is going to be broken anyway, even if you carry on.
You have fallen hard for this guy, you say, and you are used to be with him. Well, you are used to be with him, because so far his wife was abroad. When she comes, you will... (read in full...)
Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?
Q. I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...
A. 9 January 2016: @male anon : your shock is unwrranted, and must come from your having read into the posts much more than the posters wrote and, I think, that they meant.
The OP posed a simple question " Is it more work a puppy or a baby ?" which has a simp... (read in full...)
Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?
Q. I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...
A. 8 January 2016: Your friend is grossly mistaken, or else she was just joking. How can she even compare the two things ?
A baby is MUCH more work than a puppy.
I had a baby ( that happened 25 years ago, but I remember all very well ) and I had, along the year... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 18 December 2015: Don't beat yourself up too much. The best way to learn is through experience, through trial and error. Now hopefully you are best equipped to screen your candidates and weed out the flakes.
I reiterate my advice to be quite more ....self serv... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 29 November 2015: Scottie aren't you the same lady who posted another question about another on line suitor , assumedly a secret agent ? He too, after a prolonged and intense e -mail exchange, just vanished off your life, no notice and no explanations.
If this... (read in full...)
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