A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:So my housemate is gay and so am I. He asked to move in after we went on a tinder date. I'm starting to think he went on the date more because he wanted to move into my desirable apartment in an area he liked (but wasnt up front about it), and the date was a pretense. Since he's moved in relations have gotten weirder and weirder, and all efforts I've made to hang out or get to know each other haven't happened. I've asked him on many occasions to include me if he goes to galleries or exhibitions, i also told him i didn't have many gay friends. But he never made any effort to introduce me to people or integrate me. He'll go out and see friends of mine, and the normal hosuemate response would be to say "hey I saw so and so", he never does this but remains totally mute and my friends are surprised when i bring it up. I sometimes feel there might be sexual tension on my side for him. I dont know how he feels about me, cos he never spends time with me. But every now and then, he'll message me with something totally random: "where can I get French lessons" (Im french), or "what size is your carpet, I want to buy a similar one", he even went to the exact same destination as me LA and San Francisco within months on me going.He never mentioned it until a week before. He also wanted to know the name of a friend I'd stayed with and if he could stay with them (I obliged). It makes me feel confused and uncomfortable, I don't know why he moved in, why he keeps me at arms length or how I can even approach the situation. We have so many mutual friends, its very odd how he has never made any effort with me. I can't tell if he doesn't like me, wants to be me or steal aspects of my personality without actually acknowledging me, if he is very selfish and bad mannered, or what is going on in his head. I thought by now we would have got drunk together and opened up, but he doesn't make any effort to get to know me, except these random efforts. Everyone agrees he very odd and unusual. I for a period, decided to stop talking to him, to see what would happen, and to make him feel uncomfortable, I know its childish, but I honestly feel weirded out by his iciness and then occasional familiarity.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 December 2015):
 Well, I think your first interpretation - that he ONLY went on the date once he found out where you lived... so he could perhaps get a room to let in a nice area, IS correct.
And that can be fixed by ending his subletting/room-mate agreement.
Having someone move in that you have been on ONE date with? And from Tindr? Seriously?
My guess is... you hoped letting him move in would lead to more. And it didn't because he wasn't looking to date you, he was looking for a place to live. And not only that... he is now meticulously copying you and "taking over" your friends. That's freaky! Asking to stay with someone YOU know in CA ? When he barely knows you! He isn't interested in BEING with you. But he likes your lifestyle.
What is going on in your head here, the one to the North I might add!?
If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to move out. ASAP. It's not working for you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2015):
 Pardon me, OP, ... but have you been totally upfront yourself ?...
I don't know ,but it sounds to me very bizarre that you have decided to take in this guy after just one date from tinder, which is a site for casual encounters. A good encounter won't necessarily make a good roommate, and most of all not necessarily the friendly, chummy , let's -do -stuff together kind of roommate that you 'd prefer.
So, didn't you by chance take him in because you had not sealed the deal on the date , and you hoped that living together... sharing space... maybe one thing would lead to another ?...
It's clear, because you say it - that you feel sexual attraction for him ; and it's clear that you have expectations of a certain closeness with your roomate .
It is also clear, for the outside observer, that, alas, these expectations are your own problem, he does not share them and, tbh, technically he does not have to, not all roommates hang out a lot together.
In this view his standoffish behaviour is unpleasant , yes, but totally coherent. He wanted to live in a certain area, he got that. He does not care for you in any particular way ( not saying that he hates your guts !, he is just indifferent ) so he will benefit from whatever he is interested in ( your apartment, your friends ) without feeling he has to reciprocate your friendliness.
He is not blowing hot and cold, - he is stable. Haven't you noticed that when he messages you it is ALWAYS in reference to infos or advice or something that he wants to get for himself ?!! This is not familiarity !, this is him wanting French classes and a new carpet like yours. If you spoke Finnish and had a hideous carpet, he would not bother to contact you.
I think you feel you are being " used " by this guy, and I can't blame you, maybe in your shoes I would feel somewhat mortified myself. Then again , I guess he goes by the principle of " Asking is always allowed and replying is always optional ".
Meaning, I can ask you " what time is it " all day long, every hour on the dot. Then, it's up to you either answering me kindly " It's 9.... it's 10 ... it's 11 " or " Go get yourself a watch already ! ".
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