A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Key Information: 22 years old, currently live with my mother and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years.My mother is always under the impression that my boyfriend has a personal issue with her. Whenever I have asked him if he dislikes my mother in any way and he always says no, the only thing that frustrates him at times is that she can be quite forceful and pushy with her suggestions.Recently, my mother and boyfriend had a disagreement regarding the manner he spoke to her. We were having dinner and my mother was pushing my boyfriend to finish of some food. He did get frustrated and stated that he will eat it if he wants to (his tone was not that pleasant and I spoke to him about it and he did say that he could have handled it in a better manner and he did apologise) my mother got upset and I proposed that we sit down for a chat. He tried to explain that at times the way she phrases things comes across as a demand rather than a suggestion, however she would not have it and say that she never orders, when we tried to explain that it was how we interpreted it she still would not listen and started to give attitude and cutting him off whenever he spokeMy mother asked how she should treat my boyfriend as she was unsure due to her believing he is touchy (her thoughts) when he said normal but please can you not be so pushy, she ate him right up saying that if he has a problem then tell her but she has other things going on so tuff for him. And she kept on repeating herself asking how she should treat him but the answers were always the same. Then she tried to bring up other issues which were not relevant to the dinner issue. I stopped her as I felt that it was not appropriate at the time. When my boyfriend went home after saying sorry,my mother was questioning what my problem was as i was quite and if I have an issue with her. When I tried to explain how I felt she just wouldn't listen.When I tried to tell her my side of the story regarding why my boyfriend responsed in the way he did she wouldn't listen and got defensive stating that she has had enough of people treating her badly and that she is going to keep to herself.I understand where she is coming from but she always does this when things don't go her way and she also had arguments with my siblings partners.I don't know what I should do as it is getting frustrating that she always starts arguments when she feels like someone has an issue with her when there is no issue. Being a student is hard thus moving out is not possible till I graduate and get a full time job. How do I deal with an over sensitive mother? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): Mum is in the habit of being too motherly and doesn't understand that you two want a lot of couple time.Perhaps you two could prepare the meal and serve her some with bon appetite..then set yourselves a small table with candles and make it romantic for you while she has a TV meal, or if mum's in the habit of being controlling at mealtimes make sure you head out to the chippie or takeaway just before lunch or eat over at the boyfriends house. It's always stressful if people disagree at mealtimes and I myself cannot eat in certain situations no matter how appetizing the meal is to others.Without harmony the food is useless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): Firstly, yes perhaps your boyfriend could have been more polite. He probably learnt something during that meal about handling a difficult tense situation. However, your mother repeatedly dismissing your feelings time and time again, denying what she has said and blaming others without question is not right at all. It seems she has had a pattern of behaviour, perhaps in the privacy of her own home, and doesn't change that for visitors - perhaps also treating them as if they are still children. I think you need to judge your boyfriend for yourself and look at his attitude in just your company. He is dating you not your mother. Take yourselves out of the house more and get to know him away from your mother's criticism. An immature relationship will not be helped by an over bearing judgemental mother even if she has your best interests at heart.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 December 2015):
 Sorry, but I think you asked the wrong question. Rather than " how should I deal with an oversensitive mother ! it should be " how should I deal with a rude disrespectful boyfriend ".
Honestly, I have trouble believing what I read. He is invited over for dinner , and eating the food that someone else has cooked, and paid , for him , and he comes up with " I'll eat if I want to "?!!
He is talking to a lady, older than him, - not to some of his drinking buddies !
So mothers can be annoying and pushy, and overzealous as guests. So they are- your bf did not discover anything earthshakingly new. (... He's lucky; if he lived in Italy,...he would be hearing " C'mon, eat,eat " every day all the time, and he should either get used to it, or spend his time arguing furiously :)
Still, that's no acceptable way to treat a) the person who's giving you dinner and b ) the mother of your girlfriend. There were dozens of other firm but POLITE , tactful or even humorous comebacks to your mother's pressures - and the fact that he realized it later and apologized makes things just marginally better. Better than no apologies of course, but the fact that at 22 that is his normal way to react when frustrated in social situations,well, that's rather disquieting.
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