A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, this is not a relationship question as such but any advice would be appreciated. I have been single for just over a year now and living on my own for around 6 months. I have absolutely always wanted a dog or a cat (or even a rabbit), but have always lived with other people who didn't want one or in places where pets are not allowed. However, now that I own my own home this is an option that's now available to me, and to be honest I'd really love the company and affection an animal can provide.But I suppose I'm worried about the practicalities of this in terms of being a single woman on the dating scene. A few of my friends have warned me that not being able to spontaneously go away for the weekend or stay over at a boyfriend's house would put men off almost as much as having a child would! While half of me thinks that I wouldn't want someone who couldn't understand the need to be flexible for the sake of a little animal, I am also 30 and finding dating to be a challenge anyway so I don't want to narrow my dating pool any further if this is going to be an issue for lots of men. Of course the flip side of that is that it could be a couple of years before I meet anyone special and even have to worry about that.So people, what have your experiences been? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): To be honest.... unless they have a valid reason - I think people who dislike animals are not people you can trust. My boyfriend is very rational and not very emotional at all. But when any of his pets died growing up ... he was so upset. I think that shows he's capable of ft hose feelings. What I'm trying to say is that I think it says something about people wHether they like pets or not. Not worth my time if they dont. PS get a dog for love or affection not a cat (they are hit and miss with the low! )
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2016):
 I don't agree with the view your "friends" have, that a woman should somehow put her life on pause and not do the things she wants IN CASE it interferes with what A MAN would prefer. You see yourself how silly that sounds, right? Not getting a pet because a future DATE might not like it, is just dumb. If you want a pet, then to be honest, that's what matters. Not what some man in the future might think. No, you can't go away on spontaneous trips unless you have someone ready to care for the animal while you are away, but why should this be so negative? So you adjust. You'd like a pet whether you were in a relationship or not, right? It's not like you get a boyfriend and then throw the pet out. Cats, dogs and rabbits live some 10-15 years. This is a huge commitment. You'll be looking for a guy who shares your love for animals and who accepts them and wants them as well. Then getting a pet while single is the best thing for you, as it will weed out the undesirable men for you.
Another good reason to get a pet now is that it becomes easier when you do enter a relationship. Because the rules will be easier, the pet is yours and your responsibility, not theirs. Makes it easier to get along on a daily basis as expectations of who should do what has already been settled and agreed upon. Also, if you break up, there's no question of who the pet belongs to. Getting a pet while in a relationship can cause problems as to who should do what, and what if you break up, who gets the pet etc.
Ad for the type of pet I suggest you take a look at your lifestyle and what area you live in. Dogs need active owners to take them out on walks EVERY DAY for at least an hour or two in total. Cats need owners who don't mind their sofa or curtains being scratched to pieces, and cats are also harder to train, so unless you want a cat to walk around your counter top eating your food, you need strong willpower. Bunnies chew up your wires and cables and the entire house/apartment need to be bunny-proofed, and they can also be difficult to house train and no matter if they pee in their box they naturally leave little balls of shit around, so you need daily vacuuming/sweeping.
The rabbit is the easier option, and it'd be nice if you could take it outside or have room in your garden for a decent sized outdoor space for it. The balls of shit the drop around are dry and easy to clean away.
Things to consider: allergies. Many are allergic to the hay bunnies need. Others are allergic to cats and dogs. Spend some time with the different animals to figure out if you have allergies first. Also read up about the different ones to see what fits you best. I've had all three, and they are all great pets. Bunnies have as much a personality as a cat or dog, and can be trained as well. They need just as much care as a dog, grooming and attention etc, but you don't need to take it out on daily walks and it will be happy with a litter box inside the house. Also, people always say you should get two bunnies, but that's not necessary. As long as you plan to socialize with the bunny, play with it, keep it walking free about the house and be part of your family, it will be content and not need the company of another bunny. Bunnies are also cheaper because you need less equipment and veterinary bills are cheaper because they're smaller animals and luckily don't have that many hereditary illnesses like cats and dogs do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 January 2016):
 I say start with an aquarium. I know, I know you can't pet the fishes, but it CAN be very soothing to watch and not too difficult to take care of.
Personally, I wouldn't worry about dating life when it comes to a pet, BUT I think you are smart in thinking it over. I had to re-home my two cats when I moved to the US and that was after having them for 6 years. It sucked. It hurt my heart and I swore I wouldn't have another pet ever! Though ... about 18 months later this little red kitten moved in with my husband and I. We had him for 14 years.
This is why I say aquarium.
If you love being around pets, look for a nearby shelter and volunteer. That way you can be around animals, enjoy then, do some good and NOT be tied down with one.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2016):
 Having a cat should not interfere too much with dating unless you start dating someone who is allergic or afraid of cats then they can't come to you.
Having a dog while dating is a bit more complex as dogs need humans to feed and walk them more than cats.
cats can be left alone for 24 hours with a clean litter box and fresh food and water before you go out.
A dog can go maybe 8 hours max before they need care. I used to hire a dog walker to take care of my pups when I was not available for them.
when I started dating my now husband I had two dogs and they did suffer from my lack of time and eventually were rehomed with families that had more time for them (also partially due to my husband's fear of dogs and alleged allergy to them) Both went to family or friends so I still know how they are and can see them as i see fit.
IF you are going to get a pet I vote for a cat.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 January 2016):
 There are pros and cons in ref. to dogs and dating.
Sure, you may meet some guy who dislikes dog, or some guy who wants a woman with no baggage at all, not even a pet.... on the other hand, do you remember " 101 Dalmatians ",right ?, How the main characters meet and fall in love ? ,LOL
It's true, dogs make a great conversation piece,are an excellent ice breaker, and in fact facilitate meeting men. A beautiful dog may be a man magnet :). Either they'll come over to pet the dog and then notice the owner... or they have noticed the owner but without the dog they would not have had the excuse to approach her.
Last time I owned a dog , unluckily, I was married and not looking- too bad, because I have found myself in many , many situations where, if I had wanted,it would have been super easy to shift the interest from the dog to me, the owner.
My niece says the same. Well, she is 18 and a pretty girl, so I suppose she would get her fair share of male attention anyway, but she complains that since she got her English Setter, she's sort of got to chase them away with a stick.
So, anyway it would be a 50/50 thing... a dog could deter some people... then again could attract as many...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2016): I have a 12 year old dog. I've had him since he was an 8 week old puppy. When I first got him I was married and it was easier to share responsibilities. I've been divorced 5 years and at times it has made it difficult as going out for the day takes planning. You cannot be spontaneous. Some men get it, some would never. I judge that the ones that dont therefore don't 'get' me and respect my commitments. Thus they're not good for me. Lots of single men have dogs and a walking date is a great idea. My dog is a wonderful companion and has brought me joy and affection not to mention unconditional love. He also got me through a very tough time emotionally. Dogs take your time and energy. You get a lot back for your kindness but they are pack animals and need company. I work a lot from home (deliberately) and I have people who help care for him when I'm not. Because I already had a dog before I was single my attitude is different and I would never have given up on my dog for reasons of inconvenience. If you need spontaneity, complete freedom and no ties you may be best to avoid a pet at this time.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 January 2016):
 I thought I was ready to be a single mom forever. So I got a condo and bought two cats to "christen" my place. Then I met my husband. Maybe they bring me good luck. I can honestly say that men only come to you when you decide to be independent and self sufficient.
It depends on how devoting you can be to pets. Pets are suitable for you if you are more of a homebody. I do think there are issues and I speak on behalf of all pets, since they can't. I feel many of them are allergic to ingredients of not only commercial pet food, but those expensive ones at the gourmet stores. Dogs have to wait until you come back to go pee or poo. Cats can be fussy and not like the litter you buy. They also feel the stress that there's only one place they go potty. If you are lucky you get a cat with no litter problems but many of them do. We as humans can do the best we can but we can't be their slaves.
Is the inconvenience of living a domesticated life for a wild animal worth it if you can both show each other lots of love? I am questioning if I would get more cats when they both die. There's no doubt that animals can enrich our lives more than we can imagine. It's the daily work, the occasional illness that can dampen your enjoyment with them.
As far as dating goes, I've never had a boyfriend that dislikes animals. There's a saying, if you find people that dislikes music or animals, stay away from them.
If you work more than 7 hours a day, I would not recommend getting a dog. I would be stressed out at work worrying that my dog is bored. You would definitely need to hire a dog walker every other day or send it to doggy daycare. I personally think that dogs are only suitable if there's a stay at home mom while dad works, or retired old people needing a companion. Even my mom had to give up an Afghan when she was pregnant because it was too much work.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (15 January 2016):
 Love me, love my dog. If having an animal was a deal breaker for a potential partner then I would assume that they were well... to put it frankly a dickhead! Animals are great companions, sometimes better than people lol. If is a puppy make sure you have the time for training if its not get on with manners. Even me being a huge animal lover doesn't like being jumped over by an out of control dog. If you were to get one because thats what YOU WANT, there are plenty of opportunities for having them cared for if you want to go on holiday. So how much is that doggy in the window?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (14 January 2016):
Dogs can be a bit of a bind if you're single as they don't generally tolerate being left alone in the house for more than about 4 hours at a stretch and most working people are away from home for much longer than that. You can manage that problem if you have dog-loving friends or family who live near you and are willing to provide care and companionship for the dog while you are at work. Other people I know who have more than one dog keep their dogs outside in the dog-proof garden with access to a sheltered kennel - the dogs provide companionship for each other.
However, dog walking and dog training classes can be a great way of meeting like-minded people if you have a well-socialised, friendly dog. And if you are looking for a relationship - don't start out by letting the dog sleep on your bed. Some dogs can become a bit territorial if somebody else wants to join you in bed!
Cats are much easier to care for if you are out of the house for long periods during the day. They are much better at entertaining themselves, especially if they have access to a litter tray (or, better still, a cat-flap and a garden.) If you get your cats used to a dry food diet (which is supposed to be better for them, you can even get an automated feeder which provides food when you're out of the house. I've had cats for many years and I have been able to go away quite happily for a long weekend without any untoward events (except for the very occasional turd in the hallway). Any longer than that and I would get a friend who lived nearby to pop in and feed them once a day.
I can't really comment on rabbits but, as a single person, I'd go for a cat over a dog every single time even though they're not so much of a man-magnet and more people are allergic to them. And there are quite a few cat fans of the male persuasion out there too but you might have to hunt a bit harder for them.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2016):
 I don't see how this would be a problem, if anything it might show your caring and affectionate side. True not everyone loves animals, but I would say that more do than don't. I have two dogs and they are the best company ever. My advice would be to go for it and don't be worrying about dating. You are an independent woman and therefore you should live life to the full. As Denizen said there are kennels for when you are on holiday.
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female
reader, Tiggzy +, writes (14 January 2016):
 Well hey I have 7 cats, a dog and a bird so coming from a passionate animal lover with a boyfriend, being honest i'm not bothered by spontaneous get aways, i love my animals to peices and at the end of the day if someone loves me they have to love my animals too otherwise it wont work out, even if the get aways arnt an option you can still date for a couple hours it's not like leaving them for 2 hours will hurt as long as they have food water and warmth, being honest I feel that my animals understand me better then anyone else and their always there when your sad, takes the quiet out the house too.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 January 2016):
 Dogs are good for exercise. Cats are good for asthma. Rabbits are good for stew (joking). The great thing about having a dog is that wherever you are, people will come up and talk to you, or your dog at least.
Having a pet can curb spontaneity regarding trips away etc but kennels and catteries are never far away in UK, so you can board your pet while you flit off to Paris, London or Rome.
I think a pet could well be a plus point in attracting someone. You could try dog walking for one of the rescue centres as an entrée to becoming a fully-fledged pet owner.
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