A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About ten years ago, I caught my brother stealing from me(about fifty dollars) so he could take his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) out on a date. He was a very selfish person. At that time, we live together at my parents house. Due to my brother's behavior (stealing money from me, him bullying me, and just being a mean person), I moved out of my parents house and stopped talking to him all together. About seven years ago, he started dating a new girl (he broke up with the previous girlfriend about nine years ago) and now are getting married. He invited me to the wedding even through we have not seen or talked to each other in ten years (I moved to a different state).I am not planning on going since I believe it would be inappropriate for me too attend since we have not talked in so many years. Part of me believes his fiancée invited me by mistake.Should I completely ignore the wedding invitation or should I politely send the wedding invite back thru the mail letting them know I will not be attending?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, money, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I think you should respond and tell him congratulations and that before you attend the wedding, you two should get together and clear the air about 10 years ago. $50 is not worth a 10 year silence, and while I understand that he really mistreated you while you were at home, I agree with the others that this is an olive branch.
However, seeing at a wedding for the first time in 10 years is a cop-out, a way for him to see you while you can't do anything about what happened.
Both of you have left this too long. Respond to him, and tell him honestly that you and he need to talk and bury the hatchet and put this 10-year business to rest for the good of both of you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 Sorry, wrote sister, meant brother.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 January 2016):
It's not inappropriate for you to go, you're not some old friend. You're family. Family status doesn't expire after x years of no contact. You're his sister until death. If you're invited, don't you think it's time to be civil again? No need to be best friends, but bury that old hatchet and be civil at least. Not going is just you being passive aggressive and trying to "get back" at him by not going. As if he'd get hurt by it. The only one missing out is you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I agree that it is wrong off him to try and steal from you. But maybe he has changed now. It is your choice if you attend the wedding or not, but if you are not going to attend then you should let them know, as a bride am sure your future sister in law will be stressed enough without having to worry about invites that have not came back in the post.
How would you feel if you got a phone call tomorrow saying your brother had been killed? Would this make you regret not making more off an effort over the last decade? Have a think about that, as everyday in life people are getting ill and dying and family and friends should stick together. Maybe it is time to forgive and forget.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016): Your brother should have apologized once he'd seen the error of his ways. Unreservedly. But he hasn't. What he has done is tentatively put out some feelers to see if you're open to fixing things.
I think you should go to the wedding. Not supporting him on his big day for 50 bucks stolen 10 years ago would not make you the bigger person.
In fact, I think it would be even better if you offered to meet him for a coffee before the big day. That way, he apologises and you forgive him and there's no awkwardness on the wedding day. Instead, it'll be a beautiful new beginning for everyone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I agree that it was NOT a mistake at all.
It's a way of saying "lets work this out, we were childish and stupid a decade ago and now we are grown and eventually we are all we will have"
I do not like my brother.
I do not get along with him.
He feels the same way about me
we buried our mom 20 years ago and our dad in November. WE are all we have left of our family. While we don't care much for each other we are civil and friendly.
He made the first move... be an adult and accept it.
Make peace.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016): You should go. Try again with him. Life is too short to hold grudges. Go. Give it another go.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I think your brother is extending the olive branch, but it is totally up to you if you attend or not.
If you don't want to go, don't send the invite back, that could be viewed as an attempt to reignite the situation, if you cant attend either send a short note, offering your congratulations on the happy news and advising you are sadly, unable to attend.
In Australia we have little cards you can purchase "inability to attend" why not check out the card section at your supermarket etc, to see they are available to you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 I don't think you have been invited by mistake, I think too this is your brother's way to extend an olive branch.
If you want to accept it or not is up to you. I understand how shocking it must be having something stolen from you precisely by the people who in theory you could trust never dreaming of doing anything similar, i.e. a close family member, and I understand that the shock and the anger may be stronger than your wish to forgive. On the other hand, 10 year ago... lots of water under the bridges ... maybe ( probably ) your brother was a different person then from what he is now. Ten years ago he was young and stupid... we don't know if he is still stupid, but surely he is not as young and impulsive anymore. At times having the right partner beside you can make wondrous changes .. who knows.
That , anyway, is for you to decide and of course if you don't feel like being the bigger person and accepting the olive branch nobody will blame you.
But, ignoring the invitation.... no. why ? That would be so openly rude and hostile not just to your brother , who may have deserved it, but to his bride who, poor girl, has never done anything to you and may just have had the honest , commendable intention of helping two brothers mend a rift. Simply decline the invitation ( no need to send the card back ! ) , either with a white lie ( sorry, previous committments... " or with a dry " Thank you for the invitation but I won't be attending ".
If then you can be a class act and wish them happiness ( remember, the girl has no fault for what happened ) even better - ...everybody can hold a grudge but not everybody can be a real gentleman...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2016):
 You should (IMHO) send them a congratulation card/note and if you do not want to attend, let them know that you won't be able to make it.
Maybe, your brother have grown up a bit since the days living at your parents house and this is his attempt at extending an olive branch without really apologizing for or going into the past.
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