A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, is four dates, too early to ask to come over to her place, bring a movie, and popcorn so we can be alone, and snuggle. We have been out dancing, out to eat, talking on the phone, that is texing. I have ask, she says its too early. I don't drink. She is taking one month off from drinking. She talks about drinking a lot, so am wondering if she drinks alot. It wouldn't bother me, as long as she isn't a drunk, and is still romantic. Can't change, so girls let me have it, again.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2016):
 Bars and restaurants are not the only options for a date. You should go watch an art exhibit, to a museum, nature walk, a day trip somewhere etc.
Bars/pubs doesn't have to be noisy places, same with restaurants. Getting a private booth clears that up easily.
And I mean, WHO sit and have good conversation during a movie? I'd be ANNOYED if was was planning on seeing a movie and someone else wants to chat the whole time. So the excuse that you want to chat in a more private quiet area.. well, it falls short.
And mostly YOU need to pay attention to the woman you are dating. If she tells you - I FEEL it's TOO soon, then guess what? It's too soon!
Being married 5 times doesn't mean she was at fault at any point in time. It might mean she married TOO quickly or didn't pay enough attention to who the guy really was BEFORE the marriage - so yes, she can have been to hasty and/or too naive. Or she is a big romantic at heart, thinking that marriage = love.
Let her past be her past, try not to judge her for that. Get to know the woman she is TODAY, not the one who married other men in the past.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2016): Just a little follow up. Girls, the reason why I suggested to watch a movie at her place, is, I wanted to be some place quiet, not a bar, or a restaurant, an by the way , she ask me out to eat again. Just want to know, who is suppose to pay, when she ask me out? And by the way she has been married, five times, I know that doesn't make you a bad person, but out of five times, she had to be at fault, for a couple of the divorces. I've been married once, she became a drug addict. I didn't want my daughter around that. I haven't use that against her being married so many times, but she won't talk on the phone, just tex, I don't mind texing, but like to hear her voice, too., I wasn't, trying to have sex with her, either. I have waited for months before, cause if the woman, is worth it, I can wait, to make love
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2016):
 It's impolite to invite yourself over to someone else's home. It would be far more polite to invite her to your house, laying out what your plans are for the evening.
Suggesting popcorn, a movie and 'snuggling' would be a signal to her that you expect physical stuff to happen. Like sex. She may not be ready to take what you have to the bedroom just yet.
For her, it is too early. You may be coming across as an anxious puppy dog who needs constant reassurance and cuddles to feel good about himself. Puppies are amazingly cute and fun to cuddle, but they are NOT sexy. Don't be a puppy dog just yet.
I know you'll say that you are just being yourself and if she can't appreciate you then you'll just shove off.
Has it ever occurred to you that she may just be doing the same thing? As in, she's just being herself? And herself doesn't get too close too soon too fast because it's uncomfortable.
As for the drinking thing, well, it is the new year. Lots of people try to adopt new habits at the beginning of a new year. So she may be trying to lose weight. She may feel she's been drinking too much and wants to detox.
The fact she's mentioned it to you is a good thing. All you can do is see how it goes.
That requires patience. A willingness to let things unfold in the fullness of time. Recognizing that not all people court on the same timeline. Learning to stifle those feelings of anxiety when she's not ready to snuggle in her safe place (home) on date number 5.
Practice PATIENCE. RELAX.
Romance isn't throwing rose petals at her when she's still trying to get to know her. Romance is learning to pace yourself. Learning to read her signals and not imposing your puppy-level of giddy happiness on her when she's not ready.
Have you ever heard this line: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”?
Stop doing the same thing. Try something different! Slow down. Be patient. Get to know her before you do the rose petal thing. Don't expect snuggling in her home on the 5th date.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2016):
 If she already told you it's too early- then it is too early.
Other women may feel it's not too early, but it does not matter, because you are dating this one and you have to take into account what SHE is Ok with.
Which it may not be a bad thing and give you time to find out what is what re : her drinking habits once the alcohol abstinence month is over. I.e. if you keep going on dates in pubs, restaurants etc, you can see how much actually she drinks / how important drinking is to her.
I ' d suggest you to not be too rush and optimistic about that. In general, a person that even has to " take time off drinking " well, that's not a great sign, because a person who is in control of his / her drinking habits, and does not exceed reasonable limits in terms of health / money / social behaviour, well, why would they choose to take time off drinking if drinking never posed any problem ?.....
Also, in general, a person who talks a lot about drinking and drinks a lot.... is also a drunk, maybe not an alcoholist or a binge drinker, but anyway a person who does get drunk at times- and that may become a problem for a total non - drinker.
Anyway , just wait and see . It's early days yet. Try to practice patience. Otherwise you may have to deal with something that sizzles at first- and fizzles immediately after.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2016):
SHE already told you that she thinks it's too early.
SHE is the one you are dating!
And yes, I'd say it might BE too early. One dancing, one dinner...
GET to know her, if you aren't sure about her drinking habits then maybe figure that out before trying to get her into your home and ... I'm guessing... bed... here.
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A
female
reader, Honest-Lu  +, writes (13 January 2016):
no i dont think it is too early.. but maybe thats just me! i invited my husband over after 2 dates for a movie and food. i think there is more to her and her drink if she is talking about it all the time. considering this i would just wait maybe 1 or 2 more dates.. if you really like her im sure a little longer wont hurt!
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