A
female
age
36-40,
*etobe
writes:Tonight,I broke up with my bf of 1 year. It's been a lovely year,ups and downs of course. We love and care about each other,But tonight I expressed to him that I wish to get married soon as my parents are traditional; we are 8 years apart,he is 20 and I am 28! He expressed that he isn't looking to settle down in the next few years. I do feel like I have made a mature decision. What are your thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): My viewpoint is a bit different.
Why can't you live in the moment?
In the here and now?
Enjoy what you have without being so business like about the end result?
Marriage isn't the be all and end all.
I suspect after you are married for a few years you will look back and wish you hadn't been so hasty here.
Could he end up being the one who got away?
Just because he is not ready for marriage now does not mean he might never be ready.
Why can't you just ride with it?
You could end up missing all the magic because you are too busy overthinking the mechanics of it all.
I know what your head says.
But what does your HEART tell you??
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 January 2016):
 The only person who needs to be satisfied with your decision is YOU!!!!!
If this character doesn't want to be married for (at least) a few years.... then your's and his timetables are incompatible. There's nothing "wrong' with that.
Just get away from him... and in searching for other, possible partners.... as time goes on, make sure that you choose one whose time-table is similar to your's.....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 January 2016):
 I guess you made the right choice ; actually, it was sort of an obliged choice. Romance is not enough to keep two people together , they also must have compatible goals in life. If for you it is important to be married, and not too late too,- while instead he would not be considering marriage for maybe 8 or 10 years- that means that , best case scenario, you should have had to put your life on hold for a long time, and to delay for a long time the chance to be happy the way you want to be happy - as a married person ( and a mother too, probably ).
Said that, I suppose that maybe in your country things are different and men routinely get married at an early age?
In my country ( and in all Europe , more or less ) a woman who wants to get married and start a family NOW would not even consider a 20 y.o. boy, because he would not be marriage material. Waaay too early. No male gets married at 20 ( and very,very few females ). But of course different cultures have different ways to do things, so maybe where you live the idea of dating a 19 y.o. boy in view of getting married soon would make more sense than it does here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): That's a fair decision. He is still just 20 years old and has a long time ahead of him to consider marriage whereas you are now late 20's and if you're considering starting a family etc...then it's something that will be on your mind to do sooner rather than later.
You've been honest and explained your wishes and he has honestly admitted that marriage is not in his radar for a while (and for many 20 years old's his will be the case). It's fair to say you are both at different stages of your life - it's not fair to push him for marriage and it wouldn't be fair to make you wait so yuvr made a sensible decision to move on.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (23 January 2016):
You are in WAY different points of your lives. He wants to party it up right now. You want to settle down. I dont see either of those things changing for a while. IMO, this is one of a few reasons that older woman/younger man isnt seen nearly as often as the opposite.You had a fun year. Wish each other well and move on.
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