A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy last year and we clicked instantly.as we got to talking he told me he asked if I was single and I said yes. He told me he was married but wars us to have a relationship.he told me his wife is in another country and doesn't live with him.we agreed and pursued a relationship where we stayed at each others flats and hung out like two lovers with no relationships. We both fell in love hard.at the end of 2015 he went home to his wife and he told me that he will be coming back with his family but he still doesn't want us to break up and we will just make time to see each other. I love him to bits and wish he didn't have a wife but should I carry on like he says or end it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 January 2016):
 .. But your heart is going to be broken anyway, even if you carry on.
You have fallen hard for this guy, you say, and you are used to be with him. Well, you are used to be with him, because so far his wife was abroad. When she comes, you will have to get un-used fast. " We'll make time " means that he'll keep you hidden, on call, sitting by the phone biting your nails , in wait of a phone call that very often won't come because he is busy with his wife and his family. He will be helping around the house, or taking his wife out , or celebrating family occasions, or having sex with his wife - while you'll be his little dirty secret to dust off occasionally for a quick romp , always with an eye on his wristwatch. Unless his wife and family are totally oblivious, he will have to spend most weekends, evenings, holidays with them, and he will have to come up with some excuse to " make time for you "... and there are only so many excuses you can use in a week or a month.
Worst of all , you'll be constantly reminded that he does not love you and basically does not particularly care about you - because if he had fallen hard too for you and requited your feelings , he would have talked to his wife and asked her a divorce, rather than "importing " her to have her closer. When she was abroad, you could sweep this under the rug, and pretend all is well and your attraction is mutual, but once she is here and she is clearly before you in your lover's list of priorities, you will have everyday to be confronted with how much he WON'T change his life for you and WON'T give you the love that you ask f him.
You don't call that "heartbreak " ?.... It does not sun exactly like fun and games to me....
So, since it is going to end miserably anyway, wouldn't it hurt you less making now a fast, clean break ?
A
female
reader, SmartiePants007  +, writes (8 January 2016):
It won't be easy, you have to be strong. Let him go and start focusing on yourself. Start to reflect on what you really want out of life and a partner, don't settle for less. Meeting new people, hanging out with friends, getting closer with family,or even volunteering can help to distract you from the heartbreak you will be feeling. You can do this and it is the right thing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2016): That's hard to answer. You break up with him, cry about it for a month, and get over it. You'll be surprised at the difference between infatuation and love. I Suggest looking up the definition and the difference. To me, it sounds like you're infatuated with him, even though you swear up and down you're in love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do I carry on without him though since I have fallen hard for him and am used to us being together? My heart will be broken. How do I carry on?
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A
female
reader, SmartiePants007 +, writes (7 January 2016):
The relationship you both have right now is an illusion. Even though his wife lives in another country, he is still married and you are still his mistress. If his wife were to come back and live with him he would pretend you don't exist. Right now he is using you as a replacement since his wife is not there. If he is doing this behind his wife's back, he could easily do the same thing to you as well. Its best to find yourself a single guy who is available to you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 "... should I carry on like he says or end it?"
End it. This guy is no "catch".... (look what he's doing to his WIFE... with you!!!!)
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): The fact that he is willing to cheat on his wife to be with you should be enough indication that he is someone you need to get rid of. He's a terrible person. People like him will eventually be caught, put to trial, and sentenced. Please end your relationship.
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