A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my ex a year and a half ago. It was pretty messy he ended up going to prison for being an idiot, all alcohol related. He has a problem with alcohol. It was over because I couldn't deal with the stress of it anymore. We didn't stop loving each other. While he was in prison I basically blanked him.I told myself I didn't want to be with him and that it wouldn't work. When I was at home from uni in the summer i heard he was out so I contacted him. We met up a few times, talked, argued and made love. He asked me if we would ever get back together and I said probably not because our families wouldn't allow it. We kept in touch on and off after that and in December i came home again. I had heard from him on about the 12th December but nothing after that. I was out in the pub on 2nd January and someone told me he had a new girlfriend. This floored me. On the Sunday I contacted him and asked if I could see him face to face, he didn't seem very happy about this but agreed. He told me that they were not going out but that he had been texting someone else and it was getting serious but they hadn't slept together yet. He had only known her 2 weeks by this point. I told him that I had been really stupid and basically had just been fighting the fact that I wanted to be with him. Declared my undying love for him basically. We ended up sleeping together and spending like 4 days together where we discussed the future, getting married and having a family. We said who cares what our families think etc.. He said he loves me and wants to be with me forever. I have texts to prove it as well. He was concerned however about how he was going to break things off with the other girl he had met, who he told me he does like. Then I dropped him of Wednesday night 6pm we talked on the phone at 9pm the phone cut out and I haven't hear a thing since. His pone has been off for the majority of the time as I have called a few times, when it rings he doesn't answer though. I'm going demented, tor tiring myself wondering if he is with the other girl!? But why the sudden blanking...what does it mean?He hasn't said I don't want to be with you?? Im so confused and just wish he would get in touch and say either he wants to be with me or he doesn't?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 "He said he loves me and wants to be with me forever. I have texts to prove it as well."
All he says... and all the texts... "prove" only that he knows how to keep you on the hook.....
Think long and hard about what is REALLY going on between the two of you....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): I have a pretty similar situation. My ex ended up going to prison for a while because he acted like a complete fool! While he was was on bail for one thing he ended up being caught doing other things. He messed up his life.
I didn't want to be with him because he did all this, I was worried what my family would think if I ever started seeing him again, well not just my family but everybody!
We ended up meeting each other when he got out of jail and we did the same thing, argued, talked, had sex. Making loads of plans for the future, getting married! All the same stuff.
But the day after that he messaged me on facebook, as I had changed my phone and he didn't have the number, it showed his location on the message and he was in the town his ex girlfriend lives in, miles and miles away. He went and saw his ex the day after seeing me.
So basically he was an idiot by winding up in jail, he was an idiot for drinking all the time, he was just an idiot.
If you told your ex you didn't want to be with him before he met this new girl then he probably started to move on. If he has a problem with drink and behaving himself, like my ex, then I don't think the days you spent together had much of an effect on him.
My ex was impulsive, liked getting up to no good, couldn't just accept a boring night in front of the TV. He probably meant what he said when you met up but then you left him and he got bored and this other woman contacted him.
If he has a problem with drink then you are best off without him.
I also think that it is difficult being with somebody when your families disapprove. He may have meant it at the time but having time to think maybe he thought it would be better just to have a fresh start.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2016):
 Assume that he does not ( want to be with you ) and thank your God for what is a real blessing even if disguised as an unexpected communication breakdown !
Do you really need in your life a cheating alcoholist with a prison record ? Having a relationship with whom would cause pain to your family and put them against you ?...
He said he said.... The usual advice applies here too : mind his actions not his words. Maybe he said those things to keep you sweet and compliant, and at his sexual disposal according to his convenince. Maybe he was drunk as usual and he's an emotional drunk , one of those who when they are in their cups just ooze romance and love from all skin pores ( not that uncommom ). Maybe he really meant what he said... in that moment, then a reality check made him see that actually he likes the new girl better,... or that he is too chicken to leave her and try to rebuild with you.
Who knows, and you should say " who cares ". You can do better than this, and hopefully you don't want to bring in your life again all the boyfriend induced stress and strife you just had got ridden of ?!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 January 2016):
This is ridiculous. You spend a few days together and suddenly we’re talking about marriage and children? And he’s sleeping with you before he’s even had the decency to break things off with another girl – a girl with whom he claims things are getting serious after a couple of weeks? I’m sorry, but buckle up and prepare for a bumpy ride, with plenty more blanking to come if you’re going to be with this guy. Has anything changed? Has he resolved the problems that led to your relationship falling apart first time around? I know you’re in love, and that makes all this really hard, but loving some-one isn’t enough. You have to work together as well. You don’t. You already suspect he is with the other girl. You already know he is prepared to sleep with one person and be with another. Your mistake was getting in contact with him again. Please, save yourself the heartache and try to forget about him. “I have texts to prove it,” you say. No you don’t. You have texts, but you don’t prove anything by saying something in a text. Your actions speak louder than your words, whether spoken or written. His actions prove to me that you’re in for a rocky ride that it’s best to walk away from now.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): Sounds like he just used you for old time's sake, it's not a good sign that he didn't know how to break it off with this girl.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): "We ended up sleeping together and spending like 4 days together where we discussed the future, getting married and having a family." "He said he loves me and wants to be with me forever. I have texts to prove it as well."A guy will tell a girl anything she wants to hear to string her along so he can continue having sex with her. "But why the sudden blanking...what does it mean?"It means that at this moment you are an inconvenience to him and he will make contact when it suits his purposes."He was concerned however about how he was going to break things off with the other girl he had met, who he told me he does like."And he's probably saying the same thing to her. "He hasn't said I don't want to be with you?? Im so confused and just wish he would get in touch and say either he wants to be with me or he doesn't?"He's probably afraid that if he told you he didn't want to be with you then you'd stop having sex with him.He knows you're still hung up on him and so he is going to shamelessly take advantage of you for as long as you are willing to let him, which at this point would appear to be indefinitely.
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A
female
reader, SmartiePants007  +, writes (10 January 2016):
I know you love this man but he is no good for you. Most likely he diconnected the call and didn't call you back because his new girlfriend was around. Why do you hold on to someone who has problems with alcohol to the point where he ends up in prison? You made a choice to break up with him for a reason. Never linger in the past move forward because its obvious he already has with his new girlfriend. He can tell you all the sweet things in the world but actions speak louder than words. From what I have read, it seems he just wants to keep you as an option while he has his new girlfriend as his priority. Never settle being second best. Finish university and eventually you will start meeting well-rounded men who are serious about you and are willing to make you a priority.
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