A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Met someone new, three dates, going great, showing me more then my ex did, but am still in love with my ex.In my past, this has happened, more then once, when things were really starting to be great with the new one, my ex would pop back in the picture, saying all the right things, you know, I love you, am sorry I hurt you.So I would dump the new one, an go back to my ex, but soon as my ex knew the other one was out of the picture, then my ex would dump me again.So what am asking, if my ex tries to talk to me, should I listen, or stay with the new partner?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 January 2016):
 A buddy of mine once told me this story about changing partners:
You DON'T jump from one ship to another, during stormy seas. You have to jump IN TO THE WATER.... then go over to the new ship and be hauled aboard....
OK?
Good luck....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2016):
 I agree with Cindy.
I will reiterate ... don't date till you are all the way over the ex. It's not fair to a new partner to step into a relationship with a heart and head full of an ex.
Your ex doesn't love you, he/she just wants you to wallow in misery and not move on. He/she wants you to pine and think that there is hope it can work, even though history and past behaviors/events has shown that it can't. There is a GOOD reason you two broke up (more than once).
Allow yourself to heal, THEN move on. And don't let an ex hold you back from living your life as YOU want it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2016):
 Based on your own experience, apparently you shouldn't : if any time you leave the new one for the ex.... then the ex dumps you and leaves you high and dry !,- well how many times do you need to repeat an experience before you learn from it ?
Actually, I am ( half ) kidding. Relationships are not like mathematics, there are no fixed unchangeable rules. You mau have the same thing happen 9 times and an all different one the 10th time.
BUT : no, you should not go back to your ex . Exes are exes for a reason, generally, and if you could not make it work with all the time at your disposal, and the best intentions, and the initial enthusiasm of every new beginning,.... it's not a couple of nice words " I am sorry " or " I love you " which will change your lack of compatibility.
I am not that sure though that you should keep dating the present lady. Because you say you are still in love with the ex, and until this state of mind does not change, it will stunt the growth of any future relationship, and it will be basically a waste of time, yours and the lady's.
Hers ,because no matter how hard she tries and how nice she is to you, you'll never put into the relationship the attention and emotional energy she deserves. Yurs, because if your mind is not free and your heart is not open ( but for real, not just as a form of lip-service ) to take in new people, you will always feel unsatisfied and uninspired by the new person, no matter how lovely she can be.
A little period of singletude may be very useful at times...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): Obviously stay with the new partner. You said yourself he will just dump you again when the other guys gone. He must like being able to get you to do whatever he wants, as soon as he says something nice and snaps his fingers then you go back to him.
If the new guy shows you more than your ex then why go back to him when the other guy is better?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): "So I would dump the new one, an go back to my ex, but soon as my ex knew the other one was out of the picture, then my ex would dump me again.""So what am asking, if my ex tries to talk to me, should I listen, or stay with the new partner?"Albert Einstein purportedly said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time.If you want ex to string you along until you dump the new guy so he can in turn dump you AGAIN, then certainly you should listen.Your ex knows exactly how to appeal to your ego and vanity by telling you what you want to hear, and he will continue to shamelessly take advantage of you for as long as you are willing to let him, which at this point would appear to be indefinitely.
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