A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone especially men please give me some advice..I'll try+keep it brief...Basically would a man keep their girlfriend around in a serious relationship if they had lost all sexual attraction for their partner?...The reason why i ask is I've long suspected my boyfriend of 2 years to be getting his sexual kicks from girls he knows online+porn...as we very rarely have sex and the last time we did was months ago(hes saying its depression)...I already know when we became an item he watched lots of porn+he also seems to have a problem with social media+talks to a lot of female friends on there...he tells me I'm gorgeous+he loves me he just never wants me sexually
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 If he is claiming he is depressed but you think it is an excuse then ask him to get help with it, if he refuses he is never going to get better. If you feel there is someone else that he is playing around with online or not then you should honesty leave him because he is not to be trusted if he is betraying you. Talk to him and tell him you are at the end of your tether. Tell him he needs help if this relationship is going to work, as you need intimacy.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 He COULD be depressed . When you are depressed having sex with a real life human being is absolutely draining, physically and emotionally,and the very idea, daunting. While one can still have the need and the energies for a quick, private hand job- helped along by porn.
Porn, may be another issue. This is a matter I know very little about , but, people can get addicted to anything, including soft drinks and TV series, so - if he got , let's say too used, too attached to porn, if not addicted- now for him it is difficult , and inefficient, to have to
" work " longer and harder for getting the same stimuli and the same sensations that a click of his mouse will provide him almost instantly.
Chatting up girls on line. Uhm. That's not much coherent with depression. To chat up strangers, and / or to keep contacts with female " friends ", you need curiosity, enthusiasm, motivation , initiative.. let's say that this for him it's just his " hobby "... he must not be THAT depressed , depressed people tend to neglect their hobbies.
So, it's 50/50.. He might be depressed, or he might be bulshitting you. There's an easy, and logical way, though ,to find it out. If he thinks he could be depressed, he needs to seek specialized help and to see a mental health professuinal. He has obligations, to himself first of all, and to his partner, you- he can't just say " oh I am depressed, screw it all ". If there's something to be fixed- then go get help and try fixing it.
Would a guy keep his Gf around if he had lost all sexual desire for her. I think, unluckily yes, some men definitely would. He gets his sexual needs met otherwise, and you fulfill all the others. I am not being cynical, and thinking just of cleaning, cooking, splitting rent and stuff like that. I am also thinking of companionship, affection, conversation- someone who "gets" him, who accepts him; who shares his social life, memories, interests... Sex is important but it's not all in a relationship. Plus, let's face it , man ( and woman ) is a creature of habit, and of convenience, very often he operates by the rule of " If it ain't broke don't fix it ": For him there would be nothing broken, until he gets sexual gratification from somewhere else, and love from you - until he gets a better offer, maybe...
So, it's up to you to decide if you can handle and tolerate the present status quo. It's you who do not get all of your needs met- he does, although through different sources. As I said, explore first seriously the depression hyphotesis- after all, if he is ill, it's in his best interest to get better, not only in yours. But if he refuses, eludes, drags his feet... well, you know that's time for you to make a serious decision, if there's any point for you in staying in a relationship where part of your needs will be purposedly NOT met.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI keep him around as i love him+i want to be sure if it actually is depression so i can help him...but to be honest its me that seems depressed and not him...hes also showing a LOT of signs of an affair/online affair...just wanted to be sure as im a nice person+i love him:(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): A guy can still love a woman and that is why he keeps her around.
He can have sex with anyone but that doesn't mean he necessarily loves any of them.
The question is are you okay without sexual intimacy? Are you okay with the fact he might be a player? Is this good enough for you? If not, why do you stick around? Do you love him so much you are willing to forgo your own needs and happiness?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 Depression can have severe effects on the libido. So that part can be true. If he isn't seeking help or DOING anything about the depression it will NEVER get any better.
Porn versus Sex. Even if your (general you) libido is low you still want to get that warm and fuzzy and instant gratification of an orgasm/ejaculation. So yes, people with depression might still watch porn and even excessively so.
Sex, on the other hand, requires interaction, intimacy, and 2 people being in the mood. So it's sometimes a thing a depressed person doesn't feel the "need" for as they just don't feel they have the energy for all the steps. Let's face it porn & jerking off doesn't require much effort at all.
But you ask the question WHY he would keep you around if he has lost sexual desire for you. MY question to YOU is, why are you sticking around if you aren't fulfilled?
Maybe you will have the answer to your own question if you can answer mine.
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