A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really struggling to be civil to my sister in law. I have tried hard to include her, be involved with her and her child, offer to help out with her child, buy the baby presents etc. I have also regularly helped out her too.However she always seems to exclude me from things, purposefully doesn't invite me places, excludes me from family events, doesn't include photographs of me in family albums and so on. It makes me feel quite hurt and some of her more recent actions have really put a strain on my patience. Im struggling to not show my distain with her and my husband has started to notice and he's getting annoyed at me as a result. Although I understand I'm probably not putting as much effort as I should in I feel like this has been a very long time coming and my husband has never really stuck up for me with his sister... It feels almost like they are all scared of upsetting her. I don't know how to manage the situation so I can cope with her and not annoy my husband but not be made to feel like I am either
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): I think the issue here is you wanted to be part of the wider family. To feel accepted. To belong. Totally understandable. Given her approach thus far it would be wise to reduce your effort. In fact I would stop making any. You don't have to be mean. Just stop being helpful to her (which makes you a doormat) and keep gifts to a polite minimum.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 October 2016):
 I agree, so what?
Your SIL doesn't like you and you can't BUY her affection. If I were you I'd stop going out of my way to do things FOR her and to include her. IF your HUSBAND wants his sister around, HE can make the effort.
It's not your husband's JOB to "MAKE" her like you. THAT is for her to choose and it seems like she has chosen not to.
So you don't get to be in HER family albums? WHY care?
Make your own ALBUMS, include, exclude whomever you like. I wouldn't be petty about it, I'd probably include everyone, but obviously she IS NOT like that, so why get your knickers in a bunch over it? THAT is who she is. A petty woman who happens to be your husband's sister.
If you like your niece/nephew I'd still do little things for the kiddo, but I would stop trying so hard, it's not getting you anywhere. She might even resent it and think you are trying too hard and making it annoying for her.
I get along with my BIL, but his EX-wife I don't, because she was and still is SHADY (among other things) when we first moved up here she was being all "fake and fake friendly" - suggesting we go out together, go shopping, clubbing etc. Me being me, just told her thanks for the offer but no thanks. I don't like her and I have no intention of faking it. Now I AM civil when we are at the same family gathering (btw my husband can't stand her either, neither can the BIL and 3 of her 4 daughters because of the drama she likes to create) - but I am civil if we are in the same room.
Accept that she isn't interested and let it go. Be civil, be polite but other than that? Let her be. No need for DISDAIN.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 October 2016):
 I agree with Anonymous 123 ; in fact , to be perfectly, honest I don't understand what situation you feel unable to cope with - you don't have a " situation ": it does not say anywhere that you must live in each other pockets' with your in laws, unless is a joint, willing choice. As long as you can be basically civil and polite when you have to interact, like at family functions, - you are fine.
So your SIL does not particularly like you and does not want to be your best friend. Is it really a big deal ? You can't win over every single person you come across in your life, and this is no reflection on you. It does not mean that you did something wrong, or that you are not a lovable person.
Maybe your SIL does not find you have enough in common to be closer, or it's simply not interested in having closer relationships with in laws- and that's her prerogative. Leave her be. Some people enjoys having tight-knit extended families, and some others see no reason for that.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (25 October 2016):
 Why does it matter so much to you what your sister-in-law thinks of you? And why is your husband getting annoyed? You all have your own lives, hopefully she doesn't live with you and your husband...let her be and stop interacting with her as much. You've gone out of your way to be good, now just let it go and don't bother with her. If your husband asks, just tell him that you have better things to do than pander to her wishes. Be civil to her when you meet her but definitely don't be servile. You don't have to give a toss about what she thinks of you really. If she doesn't like you, that's her problem.
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