A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello :) Recently I moved to another country to take up a different course for university. And well my parents left 2 weeks after my course started and well the first week my dad called me everyday and as time went by I had a lot of work and I wasn't really able to talk or call them. I text with my mum but like you may take it as an excuse but I am really busy especially when the course is less than a year and I've been struggling to keep up. So like one day I was really into my work and like I put my phone away so I won't et distracted by it and my dad called and I didn't pick up cuz like once I pick up my phone I'll get super distracted by it and won't be able to study and all. And then my dad called again and I picked up and he asked why didn't I pick up and I said I was busy with work. And he said you could just pick up and tell me that. And I think he was upset? And then he stopped calling me since then. But I've been talking to my mum through texting and sending pictures of anything interesting. And not to be a little rude but the way like how I put it is like my dad was just "taking a piss" like I didn't answer, big deal? And there's another thing, I got really mad too cuz just because I didn't pick up ONCE, he got angry like that. But my brother who doesn't pick up AT ALL and LIES like crazy, he doesn't like get as pissed or upset as he was with me. Sometimes I just think he's harsher on me than my brother which in all honesty isn't fair because he failed his studies since young and I've never let them down AT ALL. I know I'm young and all and like I just moved to a new school and country, literally I feel really great here and honestly I feel like I'm learning how to figure out my way and like if I have a problem, I'll find a solution to it on my own. I'm almost 18, and something just tells me that my parents or just my dad would never treat me like an adult. He always say I'm too young for this or that.. Sure I am young but I mean I'm going to grow up aren't I? Okay now I kinda sound like I'm taking a piss too. But I just got irritated cuz. I'll be visiting my parents in my home country tomorrow, when I called my mum today, he picked up and said why did you call mum and not me? And I just said cuz I was texting her and I said I'd call her to ask if she needed anything for me to bring back for her. And then he just went on like how come you don't call for so long and then he said that we'll talk about this when you get home. I just feel like I'm not welcomed home just by him saying that. And actually, I checked the last time I called it was a week ago. I call my mum usually and he's there too listening and I can hear his pissed tone that I don't call.. I'm like I am calling like right now ya know. So how does this even make sense?! He says he'd talk to me about this when I reach home. But I got a funny feeling that he's gonna question me about my outings with my friends and all. He's very typical about me going out too. Like I mean I go out not very often just like one or two weekends a month whenever my friends are in town (they're in boarding schools). Not only that, I'm under suspicion that I have a bf and I can just feel like they're on to me right now about absolutely everything in my life. It's like I know you're going to say they care and all but it's suffocating... I guess you guys should also know, I was brought up with the stereotypical "Chinese" background. So their generation of thinking is wayyyyyyyyyyyy different compared to ours.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 This is the third question you've submitted about your father. I don't know if you're listening to any of the good advice you've already received.
Next time he asks why you don't call him, or call more often, tell him what you've just told us. You enjoy talking to your mum because she sounds HAPPY to hear from you.
Don't say it in a cheeky way, just be matter of fact.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): I posted this.. I forgot to include that I live with my aunt (dad's sister). I just get why he wants to like call everyday. Literally. My mum's totally fine with me when I text her. She doesn't mind. My dad seems so sensitive about a thing like this. Literally like I'm frustrated at this point cuz nobody calls like that. They want me to get into a good uni they lecture me so much it's impossible. My brother has it easy. They treat him differently just cuz he was never good in his studies. So somebody tell me how is this fair?!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 Well, for being a girl raised in a traditional conservative Chinese household you've got quite a bad attitude and quite a rebellious streak !1
You are only 16-17. You are a minor, and you may be a brilliant, academically minded person, no doubt, but you have no life experience , and from what you write, also a very childish approach to family relationships and responisbilities .
At such a young age, you are on your own in a foreign country,of course your parents check on you. They want to, and they HAVE to- they'd be lousy parents if they didn't.
It may be that your father is a tad apprehemsive, or even a tad controlling , if you want. Suck it up. After all, he is the guy, I suppose, that pays for your studies and accomdation abroad , and that makes it possible for you ... being abroad doing what you want ( including fooling around with a Bf against your family wishes and behind their back ).
And you can't even bother picking up the phone when your father calls.... because you are too busy ?! Excuse me ?!
You gotta be kidding. Yes, I believe that you are working hard, and yes, I believe- but only up to a point- that a phone call may be distracting, but I also believe that you have your priorities backwards.
So what , even if talking with your father makes you " lose " say, an hour of your precious time ? You can always carve it back cutting the time from something else less important than your family, and than showing manners and respect , if you can't muster gratitude, to the man who is enabling you to build the future that you want. One MAKES time for what is important to them- I notice that you MAKE time, with all your studies and homework, to spend weekends with friends, and also to date, right ?....
I know that Chinese parents can be strict and demanding- maybe a little more than the Western average. But this is not a Chinese thing. I am not Chinese, and I am not a traditional type with many hung ups about raising kids- but I assure yoi that , if a had an underage child like you studying abroad, who does not bother taking my calls , because he / she is " too busy "- he/ she would not STAY abroad much longer. I'd bring him / her back home by the scruff of their neck, to study under my eyes - or else, if they really need to be so " independent " , I'd send them to work at once , and let them fend for themselves !1
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 October 2016):
 You sound like the OP who was tired of her dad calling every day and wanted a boyfriend. If that was you, a boyfriend would be more distraction than your dad.
This is a time to be independent, but this is new for your family. You could nearly always fit in a phone conversation with him for 5 - 15 minutes before bed. You're very lucky to have this opportunity; a lot of people's parents don't allow them to go as far as you have.
Don't cut him off so much.
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