A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First and foremost, no offence to the men in this room. I'm posting this question because I am really curious to know the answer.Why are more men dependent on women's support now a days than men taking care of their women?I've often read posts on this site stating how the men depend on women for financial support. I've also witnesses this amongst my friends and even my own boyfriend. Us women often supports our men financially whether they've been jobless, or lack of funds to pay bills, tuition, etc. Women is the child bearer, care giver, career holder, and now the financial supporter to men? What roles do men play then? I hear my male friends boast about how their girlfriends have helped put them through school; given all her paychecks to him when he was jobless; gave him money to pay off debts so he can be debt free. Same with my boyfriend - I contribute money to his investments, help him pay bills, pay for meals and trips, etc. Men don't see anything wrong with all these things - but I do! Men used to be the ones to help their women out financially and pay for things! What happened to all that?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): Men who can't support themselves do fine with women up to a certain age. They finally lose popularity with women after women get old enough to prioritize something other than sex appeal.
That happens when nature programs it. By her later 20s a woman is getting old enough to have given birth to several alpha-male children by now. (Nature does not know we invented birth control.) At this age nature makes her priorities shift to find a more Beta man to pay for everything and be a good father.
The OP lists her age in the 25-29yo range. She is experiencing this right now.
The Beta males have not been sitting at home every saturday night before the age of 27 feeling contented. They have been on the losing end of this arrangement their whole life before now. It leaves them very bitter at women by the time women start getting interested in them.
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (21 October 2016):
As a single woman I do see what you mean to a certain extent. I've been shocked at the number of men in their 30s who still live at home, work a maximum of 10 hours a week (if that) and have no intentions of changing that. These men are clearly looking for another mother to pick up the providing and caretaking for them when they eventually move out, and for some reason they think they seem to think they are amazing catches too!
However, what I'm not seeing is these men having any luck with women. Me and my friends have good jobs, mortgages and cars of our own, and not one of us is willing to settle for a man who would prefer to play video games in his bedroom than stand on his own two feet. Now I'm not saying we're looking for wealth or status or anything like that in a man, but enough pride not to be satisfied mooching off his parents well into his 30s is essential.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2016): Men are doing badly in general these days. Mental health, criminal records, school enrollment, graduation, career advancement, etc.
If this was all happening with women we would be treating it very differently. It would be a crisis. A failing of the society. Wake up calls. We aren't doing our job raising strong successful healthy confident girls. Etc.
No matter what the data might say, when men are in trouble it is our own fault. The system is never the problem. Its always us failing to measure up. Boys need to be worked harder, more controlled, more disciplined, etc.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 I think going back years ago women did not work and where at home with the children all day. Now women have more rights, they can go out and work just as much as men can and earn just as much. They can drive a car and be independent. I honestly think a relationship should be 50/50 if both earn much the same. Or if one earns more then yeah they should contribute more, should not matter if it is man or woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Some (let me repeat, "SOME") women financially supporting or out-earning their man is normal now.
This should be normal. If there is equal work for equal pay, then about half of women must settle for a man who makes less than they do. Men didn't get lazier but their modern income pool is half the size of their grandfather's.
But this factor does not account for all the loser stuff you describe the men in your life doing. You and your friends are putting up with parasites. That's your choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): I believe you are over-generalizing and your experience is not representative but I do agree that more men are living off women today than thirty years ago.A few possible reasons:1) More men are growing up without fathers in their lives so the never so they didn't have a proper role model to show them how to make their own way in the world while treating women with respect.2) More women are growing up without fathers in their lives as well and so didn't have the chance to witness how functional, healthy, equitable relationships work. 3) Women have more opportunities to establish careers so more women are financially able to allow men to live off them. 4) Many otherwise intelligent women are willing to settle for freeloading losers in hopes they can change them into the men they want them to be or else they are so afraid of being alone they'll latch on to any random stranger regardless of his circumstances.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 October 2016):
 The guys you know sound more like boys, than men. That leaves the situations you explain down to the fact that the women in your life are choosing immature/dependent men, over men who are independent.It's enabling the dependency.There are so many variations of couple dynamics, both financial, child care, chores, etc. - 70/30, 50/50, 80/20, and so on, with each changing depending on the "topic" of responsibility.You get what you choose, in this case. If the men are all as you describe, their partners have *chosen* men like that, including you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Well, I have to say, my own experience is very different to yours. Most of my friends' relationships tend towards a 50/50 split (apart from the child bearing of course). Every relationship is different in how people choose to split finances and other responsibilities but, overall, there is usually a fairly even split (depending on what suits the people involved and whether one partner is more time/money rich than the other). Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and the best intentions get derailed. At times like that then yes, one partner may have a much greater input than the other (e.g. illness, joblessness, etc). However, once the crisis has passed, things tend to get back on an even keel. Perhaps you are mixing with women who feel they have to buy men's affection? Or men who are users? I am assuming your boyfriend does not FORCE you to contribute money to his investments, so why do you do it? If he makes money out of the said investments, do you benefit too? I totally disagree that there should be a rule that it is the responsibility of EITHER party to bear the majority of the financial burden. Surely this should be fairly agreed between said parties and adjusted when necessary?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 October 2016):
 I don't think it's the norm that women these days pay for everything on top of everything else. BUT I do think it's getting more common that women from a younger age looks for independence for themselves but do not "expect" that on a partner.
And it might also be an American and English thing (in particular) that fewer women WANT to stay at home and be supported. In many other countries, women learned (especially in the 70-80's that having an education, a job and income was the way to "freedom"). "Traditionally" many Western countries have both people in a relationship working. I think growing up maybe 1 in 20 kids had a stay at home mom or a jobless dad. It definitely wasn't the norm.
When my husband was active duty still I met quite a few house-husbands, who's wives served in the Armed forces and the MEN took care of home and kids, something I had never seen while growing up.
As I see it, if a woman (or man) isn't happy taking care of a partner financially, they ALWAYS have the choice to NOT do it. If a woman (or man) isn't comfortable giving away or paying for their partner then they should NOT do it.
And maybe if women STOPPED having kids with DEADBEAT men, it would at least fix a huge issue right there. Out of my 4 nieces (here in the USA), 3 of them had kids with (pardon the expression) losers. NONE of these 3 "dads" take care financially OF their kids. out of those 3 nieces, 1 now dates a financially dependent guy, and the other 2 are dependent on their BF's. And the last one is dating a guy old enough to be her dad, who pays for everything for HER, though she still works.
So I think it comes down to the individual woman AND man.
I'd personally be OK with a house-husband, if he took care of the house to the same standard I do. I'd be fine being the breadwinner. Each to their own.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 I don't think it is completely fair to blame men if women make unjudicious choices- choices which are detrimental to their financial and emotional wellbeing. Women are perfectly free to decide they will not support a bum, or not indulge a financially demanding partner. They can as well decide they will only date someone who is self sufficient and can stand on his own feet moneywise, if this is something that matters to them.
They don't HAVE to give away their paychecks or pay off some guy's debts or keep him wined and dined in fancy restaurants, unless , for some reason, that's really their fondest desire.
So a better question would be : why some women accept willy-nilly to do for their men things which go deeply against their own values, inclinations and wishes ?...
For instance you, OP : if you think there's something wrong in paying bills for your bf , offering him trips etc. ?... then why you do it ?? Why don't you accept only partners that do not need ,nor want, a mini sugar-mama ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Well your experience isn't mine at all. Most of the men I know (family, friends, work colleagues) work extremely hard and do their best for their family. I only know one woman who supports her husband and that's because he's feckless but she knew that when she married him. However I also work with a man who does everything for his family while his wife doesn't work and does nothing at home. All the other men I know work full time although not all are the primary wage earner. Many go home and also look after the kids, cook, clean and help with chores. Granted sometimes not as much as women would like. I know a lot of women say they feel run ragged but men feel that too.If you want a man to financially support you while you do nothing there is a cost. You will lose all financial independence, have to ask for money for everything and be unable to leave. Roles have changed over my lifetime (I'm in my 50s) and I don't want to return to a world where I have to be "taken care of". Where I have to ask a man for money and be subservient. Where working is frowned upon and I have to spend all day cleaning and feeling lonely. I lived when that was the norm and many women (my mother and grandmother included) were very very unhappy. Men were unhappy too; taking all the responsibility for income and having no relationship with their children. I have a partner but also a career and financial independence which means everything to me.What's important is there is a balance between you and your bf; that seems to be missing if you are doing all the work at home and providing most of the income. You and your friends should stop allowing your bfs to take advantage if you don't like it. You won't necessarily find someone who supplies everything but you can easily find a man that meets you half way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Hi there,I agree with your thoughts.I am trying to find someone through online.Most of men's ASK me what kind of job I do?Before, they ask me my name, nationality etc....The sad part is not matter how much they make still the depending on women.The men used to shy to asked for any financial help. Men had to be financially strong to get marry. Since, he was provider. Now, women have to be financially strong to get marry....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): The most successful guy I know has never done very well with women. He isn't sexy at all. Some of those un-sexy traits were the same ones that contributed to him being responsible and successful in life. The biggest loser I know has had all the women he wants since he was a teenager. He is "cute" and "fun" etc. That has carried him much farther with women than being responsible ever did. Neither of these guys are unusual. The world has never been short of good men. There is only a shortage of women who want the good men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): I agree to an extent with your post. I definitely think there is more pressure on women these days. Look perfect, latest fashion, beauty treatments, successful career, perfect gym body, high level of education, must get married by a certain age, must get pregnant and have children (still maintain beauty and gym body)and then be mother, teacher, carer and nurse for the children. Some of these pressures women have always had but through time there is more expectedIn conclusion men do not have the above social pressures. It seems perfectly acceptable for a guy to be jobless, single and childless after the age of 35 unlike a woman. I think that all comes down to us women, we need to raise our expectations of men and not settle for second best out of fear of being alone. I expect my partner to match my career level, and my partner is my equal. Perhaps you need to stop providing for your boyfriend, who seems to be a drain on you. Are you not afraid you are being used here? That's not love that's a guy who is living off you and he will stick around for as long as you provide for him.
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