A
female
age
30-35,
*adele
writes:i was seeing this guy for a few months and it was going so well but we both knew that at the end of summer o had to go back to study abroad for 3 months. When I left I told him maybe we shouldn't try long distance because I really liked him and didn't feel like we had been going out long enough to try long distance and believed it may ruin it. I told him I still wanted to talk to him when away and see him again when I was home. He agreed with me. A week after I left he told me he was upset because was worried I wanted to be with other guys. I told him that wasn't the case at all! He was talking about maybe coming out to visit me, telling me he was still going to think about me loads. He put thoughts in my head and made me feel like it would work and that we both really liked each other, why was I trying to be sensible?Soon after he acted cold. Took long to respond to my messages, and when he did, he responded unlike before not bubbly but being cold. I'm confused how it changed that quickly. He put a snapchat of this girl at his job giggling and flirting and I felt like it was to get a reaction from me as he never snapchats. Finally I had enough and asked him what was going on and that if he didn't care he needed to tell me.. he said he liked me but I was in la. That's it. He didn't ask how I was or try to talk. A week later it continued so I tried calling and he didn't pick up. I told him he was messing with my head and that I couldn't continue when home cos kept thinking about him and why he was behaving oddly, and needed to focus on my work. We didn't talk for a month apart from my birthday where he snap chatted me a kissy face saying happy birthday!! I messaged him today after giving it space. I sent him a sweet message asking how he was and He said "hey good. U" it's weird because he's such a nice bubbly person, and not a player or anything, I was the first girlfriend he had. Does he not care about me at all? Is he protecting his feelings?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 He may have been trying to make you jealous or it could simply be that he did not think much off the snap chat. Either way you where the one that said you did not want to do long distance, so in his mind he is free to do as he wants. He probably is protecting his feelings, but at the same time you guys where only together a short period off time. He probably just wants to keep you at arms length as you are not a couple anymore.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2016):
 This sounds to me like a typical case of " out of sight out of mind ". People can be fickle, and many first loves are very intense in the moment- but also short lived. Don't be too surprised. Coherence and staying power are not their strong suit for many young males in your age range.
I would not be too hard on the guy , though. Frankly, I think he is being sensible and he has a point. He likes you- but you are far away. Not everybody is cut out for long distance, and not everybody is kken to put in effort, time, energy and perseverance in a relatiosnhip if they can't have an immediate, tangible, daily reward ( and obviously I do not mean just in sexual terms ), He is simply following the path of least resistence- streamlining his life rather than complicating it. I am sure that he likes you for real, but , you know, " like " is not as compelling as " love ". He may like you a lot,- and at the same time be aware that sooner or later he can met some girl who is as likeable as you, AND also local.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 October 2016):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-i-lose-something-that-was-great-or.html - This is you right?
I think you need to stop wasting your time. If he cared about you he would make an effort. 3 months really isn't a long time, if I liked a girl, I could EASILY go 3 months without trying to speak to other girls.
He's probably using the 'you want to see other guys' as an easy way out. He can say all the things in the world, how much you mean to him, he's coming to visit but it's people's actions that are the thing to watch. If he tells you he likes you, yet takes hours to respond and in a very cold, un inviting way, does that sound like he's interested anymore?
I think he just doesn't want you to forget about him as if he truly wanted things to work, what would be stopping him? All he has to do was continue speaking to you in the same manner as before you left and in 90 days time you would of been home and could of resumed seeing each other.
However, that's not what's happened is it? He's changed his tone and accused you of wanting to see other people. Whenever you've reached out he's been cold so take a step back and think logically about this, does it sound like he's investing the same time and effort into this that you are?
You said you were trying to move on so why did you stop? Doesn't sound like there's anything going on here. If I were you I'd cut contact and move onto someone who's on the same page that you are.
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