A
male
age
30-35,
*thz
writes:Me and my gf are recently fighting over this issue that is her "Clothes". Sometimes she wears disgusting dresses which are revealing and I really don't like it.When I tell her not to wear such dresses she doesn't listen and gets agitated. The dress she wears and the place where she's residing currently collectively pose a risk to her as rapes are common in that city. Also I'm a muslim and she's a muslim as well and wearing revealing clothes is also not acceptable to me or the society. Also guys stare at her because of her clothing which really pisses me off! I give her the space she desires but wearing such clothes is not what I can bear on the name of Space.Also I feel that she has no fear of losing me because I let her get away with the mistakes she makes. What should I do?
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male
reader, Athz +, writes (2 November 2016):
Athz is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank You for all your replies to my problem, But I'm not controlling her. She has changed and has grown pretty insensitive towards me. She really doesn't respect me anymore like she used to. I've given her the freedom of wearing what she wants but its only sometimes she's got to understand that she should not cross the line. Also it's worth mentioning that I've told her to wear whatever she wants when she's with me but without me she should really keep an eye on what she wears as this could invite problems and send a wrong message to unwanted guys in and around the locality.
A
female
reader, dragonsbabe  +, writes (27 October 2016):
Stop trying to control her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): I think people who dress in revealing clothes are insecure and have low self esteem and want to, or unintentionally , attract the wrong kind of attention. They don't realise that you can look attractive and more elegant in dressy outfits that aren't revealing. I have always worn elegant outfits and been told that I am attractive.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Rape does not happen from wearing revealing clothes, it happens because there is evil in the world. Did she wear these clothes when you met her? What has changed?
Thing is you cannot control her so stop trying to. If you don't like it then leave her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Hi there,
I am sorry that you are going through that.I am learning about Islam.well, If you are serious about her you have to think about your future.
Specially, if you have doughter in the future.
Best
Mishi
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A
male
reader, Jammin75 +, writes (20 October 2016):
What I'm wondering is, how did your girlfriend dress when you got together?
If the answer is "the same as she does now" you've got no call for complaint, sunshine.
If she's just started dressing different then maybe that's a sign that she's vivacious and fun and wants to show that as she's bored as can be. *just saying*
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 I don't want to get into the religion part because I truly know very little about Muslin relgion. I know the women are supposed to dress a certain way and apparently your girlfriend is not. I don't know how she can be getting away with this but again...I can't comment on what I don't know.
I do know that in the usa, women can dress however they want and do not take kindly to men telling them what to wear. Its called controlling and most women will not tolerate it AT ALL. I agree that perhaps you are concerned for her if she is dressing promiscuously in bad neighborhoods, its not smart. But..she should be able to dress the way she wants.
If you don't like it, end it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Oh. So the way she dresses is not acceptable to you also as a Muslim.
Well, if we want to play the religion card- Muslims do not have " girlfriends " either, to begin with !
There's absolutely no
" dating " in Islam, it's haram.
You are not supposed to hang out one on one, and even less to do anything intimate , including kissing. All you can do is to sign your marriage contract , and , between then and the wedding ceremony proper , you will be allowed to see your fiancee', without hijab, in the presence of relatives, a few times at most ( technically, the rule would be once ).
I am sure that you now perfectly all this, and I am sure you shrug it off, because those are the old , Middle Eastern ways... you are a different kind of Muslim, you are young, educated, progressive, MODERN ....
So?... you are only modern when it suits your conveniences and interest and erotic pleasures-.... but you turn instantly ancient , old-school Muslim when it comes to your gf's clothes ??!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Nothing. You can't control what your girlfriend wears.
If it's too much for you then you break up.
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A
female
reader, RayCharles +, writes (20 October 2016):
I do not think it is fair of you to controll what she wears. She is a free agent of her body and should be able to dress however she wants. I understand where you are coming from, thinking her dress is dangerous, but rape is never a result of what someone is wearing. Never. I wonder how much you really care for her if something as superficial as her clothing would bother you so much. If you are afraid you don't have control over her and are embarrassed by her actions and looks, why are you together?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 October 2016):
 I do understand that this is a culture thing for you, but she doesn't feel the same and she shouldn't be afraid to lose you because of her choice in clothes.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 October 2016):
Their *her* choices, not mistakes that *you* have any business controlling.
Leave her. You don't like it, but her body isn't yours to clothe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): "What should I do?"
If you're really asking "what should I do" then the answer is you should break up with her. You're incompatible.
If you're instead asking "what can I do to get her to bend to my will and do what I want" then the answer is there's nothing you can do and you should break up with her.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Perhaps if you focus on caring for her safety, rather than the fact you find it "disgusting" that she wears these clothes, you may stand a better chance of getting through to her?
She sounds like a feisty young lady who knows her own mind. Girls like to experiment with different looks, which is obviously what she is doing.
Surely, if her parents allow her to wear these clothes, then they can't be that bad? Are you exaggerating how revealing they are because you are simply jealous of other men admiring your girlfriend?
She is obviously not going to be dictated to, so you may as well give that up as a bad job. Rather say to her, "I worry for your safety. Please be careful." She is far more likely to respect your wishes than your demands.
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