A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just after opinions please...Ladies, would you settle down with a mumma's boy? .... Men, are you a mumma's boy and how does this affect your other half?The reason I ask this is because my husband is a mumma's boy through and through and it's driving a wedge between us. We've been together 3 years, married 6 months. He's always been close to both his parents and speaks to them both daily which I think is great but it's got to the stage where he seems more preoccupied with speaking to them than living daily life with me.A few examples of this... He got promoted at work last month. He got home, we had dinner and he made his call to his mother and immediately proceeded to tell her about the promotion... I'd spent the last couple of hours with him and was none the wiser about it despite asking how his day had been and speaking about work.If anything exciting happens he has to call her immediately and fill her in on the news. I was still in tears moments after his proposal when he called his mother to tell her. When the offer on our house got accepted he called her before he called me. These are just some of the examples.She has such an overwhelming say in our relationship that it's really starting to cause problems. i love that he's close to his parents but i feel pushed aside the majority of the time, his whole life revolves around pleasing them and it's not secret that he's their golden boy, even his siblings agree! Any tips or advice?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 It may not be marriage destroying material but still it is tough for you. I can tell from all you write that this really effects you. I think you need to accept that he will be close to his parents, but you also need to put your foot down and tell him you both have the final say in the both of your future not his mother. If you don't try and solve this now it will only get worse when or if children come in to the picture.
She probably means well, and so does he. But I can see why this would annoy you. You just need to keep reminding him that it hurts you when he shares his good news with his family and forgets to even mention it to you. Also you need to put your foot down when it comes to big decisions as they are between you as man and wife.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): Thanks for your replies everyone. I have a great relationship with my parents but not to the point that it interferes with my relationship with my husband! I get on brilliantly with his parents but I do feel that sometimes they forget he has me in his life too. I've spoken to him about it numerous times but it doesn't make a difference. Silly things like (and I'm sorry for too much information here) but if we're making love and his phone goes off... Anyone else he would ignore it but if it's his mother he'll stop and answer! Our house... When we were looking for houses we absolutely fell in love with one but his mother looked at it on the Internet and didn't like the back garden so convinced my OH that it wouldn't be suitable and straight away he changed his opinion on the house and wirhdrew our offer! All she'd seen was a picture on the Internet! I love my husband deadly and I know this isn't marriage destroying material by any means but thank you all so much for your opinions :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): I can understand where you're coming from. Esp about him calling his mom before telling you about his promotion. I can see that this is hurtful behaviour. But unless his mother is actively driving a wedge between you two or if her opinion has such an overwhelming weight in your marriage, I would say that this isn't the end of the road by any means.
You only need to talk to him and tell him (not accuse!) what you find hurtful about the incidents you mentioned.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2016):
 There may be more going on than what it's contained in your post, but just based on it, I have to agree with the others : he's not that bad :), I have seen and heard worse.
There's a fine line between being a devoted, affectionate son and being a mama's boy- and IMO your husband has not crossed it yet.
If it may be of any comfort to you, popular wisdom has it that a man who treats well his mother will also treat well the other women in his life. Personally, I have seen evidence of the specular opposite of this. Never known or heard of any man having a distant, troubled relationship with his mother, who managed to be a decently caring,involved, supportive partner.
Anyway, I think there's a quick fix to your problem. Hust rell him. No whining, no drama, no pouting.. Smile , and tell him that you love him also for being such a great son and able to build strong family relationships, but you would like to be the first to have the inside edition when something important happens.. Not only because it's fair- as his wife you are supposed to be the first woman of his life - but it's not just a matter of rank and precedences; it's to protect, preserve, and reinforce that special bond of intimacy ,trust and complicity that as a married couple ( hopefully ! ) you have. You are a " we " , not
" John and Jane " - so as one half of the "we", it's just natural that anything important for your couple should get to you before than to any other third party.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): Wow he sounds like a little child. Yes a mommies boy but also totally immature. If he's not prepared to see the error in telling his mother before you about your own house sale then there ain't much hope. I'm pretty sure you have other examples much worse. I married a mommies boy. I thought it would change but they dont. Most of our arguments were because of it. It affected me deeply. I stuck it for 15 years and regret doing that. We are divorced now. I'd never marry another one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): You knew he was a mama's boy before you married him. My partner is also a mama's boy. His parents mean the world to him. Mine are both gone; and if I were to be so lucky, I'd be as devoted as he is.
Why does it bother you so much? Do you have a relationship with your parents? He probably chose you because you have a strong and domineering personality; and now it is in conflict with the queen bee.
She gave birth to him, nurtured him, and he loves her very much. He is getting used to married-life, and with time this closeness tends to level-off. I noticed it in my own relationship. When we first became a couple; it's running errands, jumping to her beck and call, or trying to fit her into his very busy workweek. He felt like a child and a servant.
It ran him so ragged, he came to his own conclusion that it's just too much. Oh, she still gets first notification of this and that; but I find it endearing and she loves me to pieces. She's my second-mom, and his dad calls me all the time just for a chat. Growing closer to them let them know that we are a unit. I know when to step-back and just let them be family. Just as my family is very close to me, and he knows I'd drop everything if they need me.
You're a new bride. It takes getting adjusted; but as I said, you saw how close and devoted he is from the start. That was your chance to decide if it was far more than you could deal with.
I suggest you try to be closer and love them. Someday they'll be your most trusted baby-sitters; and may even be all you have left of him, God-forbid should anything happen to him. I had a very strong mother, but she died when I was only 17. So my dad was a single-parent. I stuck to him like glue. He passed many years after my mother, and never remarried. So he was my one and only parent.
He's got some growing-up to do, and he will. Just as my mama's boy realized he has a life and a business; and mama and papa are always a call, or just a short drive away.
Be more pleasant and less demanding, and you'll grow closer as a married-couple. You'll get along better than competing with his parents. Be a good wife, and he will be a good husband. Less contact with his mother isn't required to do that, my dear.
I come from Native American heritage, and your family; especially your parents, mean everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): Sorry hadn't finished .. He doesn't mean if .. He just forgets .. I honestly don't mind as I know I do have a place in his heart .. I just don't need it all .. when you have children you will see this .. you have to be able to share your affection and theirs and it doesn't mean your loved less .. in fact your loved by more by being able to do so
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): To me these are just annoyances .. does your mother in law and you get along ? does your husband and his extend family respect you .. share things with you .. are happy to see you .. my husband forgets what peeps say at times and tells me weeks later .. and I say when did that important thing occur he go oo last week I think .. or tells his dad .. He doesn't mean it
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