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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?
Q. I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...
A. 21 February 2017: It is difficult to answer you with a yes or no, because basically you want to know if it is normal to believe in miracles.
You have been dealing for the past 10 years with a raging alcoholist who does not love you and does not love himself. You ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend is making me chose between him and my daughter
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost six years and my daughter recently moved out to go to college and tends to come home in the weekends. There have been several occasions where my boyfriend has made comments about my daughter getting ...
A. 21 February 2017: He is tryng to make him choose between him and your daughter ? Well, then, make him happy and choose : choose your daughter.
What a nerve. He is not even your husband , just a boyfriend,- he lives in your house, and gets to say how long and how ... (read in full...)
Why do I allow him to treat me like trash, throw me out and then let him back into my life?
Q. Hi, I would appreciate some outside perspective on the situation I'm currently dealing with. I started dating someone last year that I had known for about 10 years though granted we were mostly only acquaintances during that time with limited int...
A. 21 February 2017: " Why am I so desperate... ": Wrong question ( unless it is a rhetorical question , a " why oh why " to vent your frustration ).
Who knows why. Maybe you have a low self- esteem. Maybe you are terrorized by being alone, i.e partnerless. Mayb... (read in full...)
A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?
Q. Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....
A. 21 February 2017: Hopefully we aren't ignorant of the meaning and common usage of words in English, though.
??? " To feel a connection " means to feel that you have a particular bond with a person, that you can easily relate to their feelings / opinions / expe... (read in full...)
Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?
Q. Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...
A. 21 February 2017: OP, so far in your posts you have always chosen to glide over the financial details of your arrangement- which is absolutely your right, of course, it's not that at Dear Cupid we can , or would, demand to know what you are spending your money ... (read in full...)
Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?
Q. Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...
A. 20 February 2017: .. Does he pay you rent , since he has moved in ? Does he pay for his share of the utilities ? Food ? Gas ?... When you go out ( movies, dinners, bars, whatever ) do you go Dutch, or do you spring for him too ?... He gives you snacks,.... and ... (read in full...)
Help, he dismisses my feelings of rejection and that he's being disloyal!
Q. I've been with my partner for 3 years now I'm 23 he's 28. We have a 19 month old daughter and lived together almost the whole relationship. Hes never gave me one single compliment but I've got over it thinking he's just not that type of person. But ...
A. 18 February 2017: He dismisses your feelings- recipricate and dismiss HIM.
No affection, no sex, no companionship, no help, no coparenting-he is not your bf, he is your rooommate and a nasty one as for that.
If he does not work, too, I suppose he does not brin... (read in full...)
Should I really start planning a future with him?
Q. Hello! My boyfriend and I are both 20 and met at his hometown in Denmark in October before we took the relationship to long distance. So far he was my first everything-my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first time having sex (i don't regret ...
A. 18 February 2017: Everything is not perfect there ? Well, everything is not perfect in USA either :)- and said by one who loves USA very much. And if you always had a dream to live in Northern Europe, sure , keep the vision alive, who says that your dream cannot ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my girlfriend is going to break up with me because of the distance
Q. Dear friends Well I'm quite scared my girlfriend will break up with me. I have had three relationships and the previous two both progressed the same way. It was perfect for a while, then they started to criticise me, act a bit cold. Then one day...
A. 18 February 2017: 4 months are not , objectively, a long time to be apart, and although maybe when you are in love even a week may feel like a lifetime, I feel that the difference between infatuation and a more serious, mature feeling is precisely in the way you ... (read in full...)
He suggested we have a meal together. Do you think it's a date?
Q. My male friend and I were supposed to just be going out for drinks this Friday night, but he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal before that too. Do you think it's a date? He hasn't said whether it is or not. I feel nervous about havin...
A. 16 February 2017: Yes he likes you. Even if it's not really a date ,... you can turn it into one. Go get him , tiger :)... (read in full...)
If he misses his ex does that mean his affection for me was fake?
Q. Seeing him for 3 months. He told me he loved me 3 separate times when drunk, to which I didn't respond. He came over to my place all the time, he said he wanted to meet my parents. Then the last time he told me he loved me, the next day he just sto...
A. 16 February 2017: Are you really saying that the the reason why he poured his beer on you , in public and unprovoked, and walked off.. is because he cares about you ??
Well... then all I can say is : thanks God that he did not care even more ! Because then... (read in full...)
She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?
Q. I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...
A. 16 February 2017: Yes, tell her . At once. Maybe she is upset because she is scared s..tless.
The world has changed and not always for the best. 40 years ago if I had received an anonymous gift of flowers , probably I would have said " Oh ! A secret admi... (read in full...)
My LDR is in limbo. What should I do?
Q. I'm writing this to gain clarity and ask for help on a seemingly complex situation that I find myself in. Last February I met a guy through common friends during a little party. We never really talked much. But a week later he contacted me on faceb...
A. 16 February 2017: Oh yes , it is high time to toughen up. I understand that when one is in love ( or infatuated.. ) toughening up us difficult but, to quote the anon female reader :Hunny are you for real ?!
I counted the times that you mention " And then he did ... (read in full...)
I have trust issues. He talked and flirted with a girl. What should I do?
Q. So my boyfriend and i have been together a little over 5 months. And things are absolutely stinking amazing! The only issue is.. I have a hard time trusting him and dont know what to really do. Towards the beginning of our relationship he ...
A. 16 February 2017: You do not have trust issues, you have an untrustworthy biyfriend.
He lied once, get caught, promised not do to it again.
Fine, everybody deserves a second chance, or so people say.
Then- you caught him the second time ( in 5 months ! and... (read in full...)
I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?
Q. I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I ...
A. 16 February 2017: I don't think it is a red flag per se. Although probably this sexual behaviour has been widely popularized by porn, let me assure that the act of ejaculating on some part of the partner's body ( belly, breasts, face too.. ) was well known and ... (read in full...)
Should I explain to my ex? Or just let him think what he wants?
Q. Well, It all started when the guy I was seeing for a 1 1/2 years dumped me out of the blue... I moved on and met someone else who was going out of town for 2 months.. (New dating by this time) This new guy is nothing like my ex.. he's sucessful, ...
A. 16 February 2017: By all means just move on and let him think what he wants to.
He is your EX. Twice. So , he belongs to the past , no point in dragging him along in your present . What is done is done. File him under " case closed " and move on.
Let me add, tho... (read in full...)
A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?
Q. Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....
A. 16 February 2017: What shoud you do is to forget about it and leave him alone. If he is straight, .. he is not gay ( duh ) so he is not interested in having gay sex. .... (read in full...)
Is he interested or not? He's confusing me.
Q. So, I work with a foreign guy (a backpacker) and we've worked together for about 3 months. Probably in the past month or so I've taken more of an interest in him and actually find him very attractive and I feel like he flirts with me while we work ...
A. 15 February 2017: So what if, having someone at home, he " should not " flirt. People do all the time things they should not do- particularly if they don't have to face immediate punishment for that. People should not smoke cigarettes or eat fatty foods, but ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend keeps pics of hot women on his phone and it bothers me
Q. My bf keeps my photos on his phone and he also had lots of pictures of women he collects on there like models , some porn stars and women he finds hot. It makes me feel so horrible being just one of so many , like how am I even special when so many ...
A. 14 February 2017: No disrespect meant, but... maybe what's wrong with you could be your taste in men, your selection criteria ?...
I agree with the anon, to me a man your age or older who keeps a naked pieces of c... collection ( because that's what they are ... (read in full...)
Should I just enjoy our FWB relationship as it is?
Q. I got out of an 8 year relationship last year, and recently I signed up for tinder with the intent of finding a FWB. I went on dates with a few guys, but the first guy I hit it off with so well, I couldn't bring myself to pursue any of the other...
A. 14 February 2017: Yes, tell him and see what happens. If you keep falling harder and harder for him, I don't think you would enjoy much your outings anyway, in the nagging doubt that he is doing
" casual sex " while you are doing " OMG I am in love ". Supp... (read in full...)
If he wants nothing to do with me why won't he just decline and block me on social media? Is he playing games leaving me hanging?
Q. My question is about a guy who appears to be "leading me on". About 9 months ago we had a terrible falling out. We were supposed to be just friends but I found out he was in love with me. He was very distraught that I discovered how he truly felt ...
A. 14 February 2017: Because blocking someone on social media / WhatsApp is an
" aggressive " action, generally motivated by the bad behaviour of the person being blocked, and / or by a severe distaste/displeasure of the blocker toward the blockee.
In your cas... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's grandmother died, should I go to the funeral?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years grandma recently passed away. He's asking me to go to a funeral with him to comefort him. I told him I would feel out of place and not comefortable because I never really knew his grandma or other relatives besides his ...
A. 14 February 2017: For going to a funeral you do not need to have known the deceased, or the other people attending the ceremony. You do not need to ever have set eye on the decesead , or heard about him / her. Your personal relationship with the deceased and ... (read in full...)
Why does he now decide he wants to do this?
Q. I've been having a fwb relationship with this guy for a few months now. My partner and I have been having unprotected sex for the last couple times we had sex. Today he decided to cum inside me. What does this mean? Is he starting to have feelings ...
A. 14 February 2017: He is just doing this because it feels good to him, and because you are so imprudent to let him. What's ejaculation got to do with feelings ??
It is very risky to have unprotected sex with an FWB, and I am not even talking about preg... (read in full...)
My LDR is not motivated to meet in real life.
Q. I've been dating my LDR boyfriend for over 2 years and we haven' met yet. He never wants to pinpoint a meeting date and acts unconfortable when I try to. He says he wants to improve himself first so when we meet he makes the best impression on me. ...
A. 14 February 2017: He IS stringing you along, whether for a legitimate ( in his mind ) reason, or a fake one, I don't know, but there is something amiss here anyway.
You have seen him on videochats ; you do not have a problem with how he looks, and he is aware of t... (read in full...)
Why isn't he asking me out on Valentine's day? Is he not that into me after all?
Q. Date never asks me out for V-Day, I'm confused? In my opinion, I feel that this guy is definitely falling hard. He has taken me out for dates. He kisses my hand while we walk, my forehead, hugs me a lot, etc etc. He has even told me that he likes me...
A. 13 February 2017: I think that , if you are not official yet, it makes sense that he is not asking you out to celebrate Valentine's Day which is after all, the " big deal " celebration of official coupledom.
I would not worry too much if I were you. Maybe he is n... (read in full...)
Is it common for a male to leave his stuff in another man's house? He has a GF. I have a crush on him.
Q. Hello, is it common for a male to leave his stuff in another man's house? I have been attracted to this guy who I am much older than. He is 19, I am 33. He says he isn't attracted to me, and sees me as a best friend. We have so much in common, ...
A. 13 February 2017: Would somebody move in with a person he does not really love ?...
Sure. If it benefits him somehow. You are not charging him any rent, right ? Or asking a contribution for bills ?... He is at school , so not making a whole lot of money I supp... (read in full...)
I like him, it's been 5 months but there seems to be no initiative from his side
Q. I met a guy a few months ago who started flirting with me. I did not like him to begin but then we got talking and I saw a really handsome interesting person. The flirting continued and I cold feel some chemistry between us, A few weeks later ...
A. 13 February 2017: ...Maybe he thinks that you will be crushing on him even more and use the friendship excuse to hang on tight to him in the hope that sooner or later you get an " in " and turn friendship into more.
Which , I suppose, is more or less what you ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 10 February 2017: Oh so he punched you but he did not mean it. And he apologized immediately after.
That's a good thing, that he is so polite , and quick to see when he is in the wrong. So, at least, once he has made you end up in a wheelchair or six feet unde... (read in full...)
Do women ever regret dumping a nice guy for a jerk?
Q. my question is do women, ever look back an wonder? they have been in a relationship for a while and the guy isn't very nice to them, not a gentleman or romantic, before him they were seeing a guy who was, but he wasn't a challenge,they thought he ...
A. 9 February 2017: All in all, not many would regret it , I think.
Because the nice guy has not been dumped BECAUSE he was nice and romantic. I don't think there's any woman who says " A nice guy ? Ewww. Disgusting. Terrible ! Lemme get out of his way ". ". The ... (read in full...)
Would ladies be interested in a night of hot foreplay but no sex?
Q. Question for for females who could possibly be open to casual sex or males with experience. I think similar has been touched on before here. You see a guy in a bar or wherever and are really attracted to him. Both agree to get together or go s...
A. 9 February 2017: Personally, I would not. A casual encounter is not about getting to know someone, or establishing bonds etc.... it's basically about sheer indulgence . And it's not real indulgence of your senses if you have to deal with proviso and limitations. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the parents of my daughter's boyfriend that their son aged 17 is having sex with my 16 year old daughter?
Q. My 16 year old daughter revealed to me a little over a month ago that she and her 17 year old boyfriend have had sex. They have been dating for two years and I support their relationship and like her boyfriend a lot, so I am not really surprise...
A. 8 February 2017: I don't think so.
That this lady has certain personal believes , which apparently she has not managed to pass on to her son, is something that does not- and should not - concern you.
If she were a vegetarian, and you had seen her son eating s... (read in full...)
Why did he use the word coolio?
Q. I apologise for a really silly question but when i was messaging an acquaintance about an email i thanked him and he responded with the word coolio. I didn't want to ask him what it meant as i felt silly but the only time i have heard that word ...
A. 8 February 2017: ...And what do you think that Mr. Artis Ivey, aka Coolio, meant by choosing this nickname ?:)
It's a pun on " Julio Iglesias "- Coolio is a singer, but a COOL singer. He sort of jokes " I am so cool / fly / bangin', that I've got Julio Igle... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me going out with male friends for drinks
Q. Am I in the wrong ? After recently starting uni I made a small group of three male friends whom I worked on an assessment with and we automatically became friends. We are all older than the normal uni starting age so its nice to have someone on ...
A. 8 February 2017: He turned up where you were and insisted that you left immediatelY ?.... And you spent the whole night arguing about it ?!...
Seriously ?! ..Because , there was nothing to argue about ,IMO. In the sense that , as for me, a partner who had pull... (read in full...)
Is it likely that we will get in trouble for being together?
Q. My boyfriend is 17 and I am 15, we go to the same highschool and we were not looking for love when we found it. In my state I know that the age of consent is 16, but he will turn 18 before I turn 16. We are both concerned that we will get in t...
A. 7 February 2017: ... Couldn't you just wait until you turn 16 before you do anything sexual ? :) That would eliminate authomatically any risk of legal troubles. ... (read in full...)
Why would a man who claims to love me tell me his ex looked as good as a porn star?
Q. Why would a man who claims to love me tell me his ex looked as good as a porn star? Did he say this because he feels I'm not as pretty or hot as her . I am considerably fatter and older than her and can't understand why he said this. ...
A. 7 February 2017: Foot-in-mouth syndrome ; no filter. Lots of people just say the very first thing that pops in their mind, without considering how and if it could affect other people. And, maybe a bit of insecurity, a bit of making himself look good.... the ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the parents of my daughter's boyfriend that their son aged 17 is having sex with my 16 year old daughter?
Q. My 16 year old daughter revealed to me a little over a month ago that she and her 17 year old boyfriend have had sex. They have been dating for two years and I support their relationship and like her boyfriend a lot, so I am not really surprise...
A. 7 February 2017: As for me, I would stay quiet.
While it is your right and your duty to help and advice your own daughter in any aspect of her growth, physical and emotional, therefore including her growth into a sexually active being- I would not say that this... (read in full...)
Now the grief about our broken relationship is starting to hurt me. what should I do?
Q. 3 months ago my ex boyfriend left me after my miscarriage. He said he don't want to be in a long distance relationship and because my career is not stable so he don't see any future with me . He don't know how to give me any emotional suppor...
A. 7 February 2017: Listen to your brain.
If he is not totally stupid, he KNOWS that he did not behave well , that his actions and attitude were questionable to say the least, that he HURT you.
He just does not give a f..k. He wanted to get out of this relation... (read in full...)
We have a 2 year old together. Recently he said no way does he want more children. How do I tell him that I'm pregnant?
Q. Hiya I've just found out I'm pregnant I haven't told my partner because just last week we were talking about kids and he said no way does he want anyone especially this time we have a 2 year old son I'm so scared of how he's going to react I would ...
A. 7 February 2017: Just tell him. No matter how he reacts- last word is yours. He can book all the appointments he wants, but if you do not want to have an abortion, what is he going to do, drug you, kidnap you and take you unconscious to the abortion clinic ??.
Y... (read in full...)
I am 61 and living with a man who's sought my approval to go out with other women. Is this acceptable?
Q. I am 61 years and /i nnnnnnnnnhave this man I met on a dating site last year it is coming up on a year we became friends on Facebook and chat and text almost daily. We have not met in person yet but he had asked about the possibility of moving i...
A. 7 February 2017: I totally agree with Honeypoe. What's in it for you in this ? Are you so desperate for a live -in companion ( ...and one whom probably expects you to cook, and clean for him, and generally look after him. Not necessarily, of course, but , in his ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my best friend and don't know what to do.
Q. I'm friends with a female who ive known for six months, I knew her from work as we worked together and seem to get on, she was one of those temporary people. anyway she told me she was off to nicaragua on a water project to promote clean water an...
A. 1 February 2017: Don't say anything more and leave that girl be.
You may have meant your words as a joke,- but people are not obliged to joke around with casual acquaintances ( as she was and is for you ). I think her silence clrealy signaled that she was not ... (read in full...)
My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 31 January 2017: @ Chigirl : eh... in Europe. But the OP does not work in Europe.
You have a very good point insofar probably the manager did not remember when the OP was going to leave , and / or did not know she has booked a non refundable vacation. Of cour... (read in full...)
My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 31 January 2017: I am afraid that you won't have much choice.
In USA , employers are not required to provide vacations to employees under federal law or almost any state law. Therefore, even less they are obliged to provide vacations at a certain appointed time... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: The boy clearly has got big issues and he needs help to solve them. Specialized help, not a doormat girlfriend's help. I know you mean well, but your meekness and your willingnes to go along with his brand of crazy and take the blame for it, ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: No you won't regret it. He is treating you in such an appaling way that there's nothing to regret !
Or, actually, you will regret it at first, for maybe a few weeks. Same as a person who has been living trapped in the city sewers and has got ... (read in full...)
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