A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé and I have just discovered that I'm pregnant and our wedding was booked for the same month the baby is due so we've decided to bring it forward. We've given our small party of 40 guests the new date which is still 3 months away and everyone is completely understanding and has done their best to rearrange their plans so they can still come which of course we're highly appreciative of. The only person who hasn't is his mother. We originally had only two dates that we could move the wedding to and she told us that either were fine so we went ahead and changed it. Now she's saying she can't get the time off work (she only works part time and has never had problems getting time off before when it's been other family events, her employment is quite casual). I've always had a great relationship with not just her but all of my partners family and this has caused so much friction. My partner is now saying to please his mum we should stick to the original date which is 3 days after my due date so I could potentially have a tiny baby or a huge bump! It's causing so many arguments and I don't know how to deal with it. I need the backing of my partner but he's more interested in pleasing his mother!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 Your husband obviously does not understand that you will potentially not be able to have the wedding if you are in labor. He is obviously not thinking straight. It sounds like he does not like saying no to his mother. But you need to stand your ground. This day is for you both and not his mother. If she has a legit reason fair enough but she is just out to cause trouble, if he won't speak to her and you are close to her maybe you could try, but stick with your chosen date in three months.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 She has more than enough time, 3 months in fact to notify her employer for ONE day off or to make a switch for that day off with someone at work.
Your MIL was asked about the dates and has now; much to your stress is making your special day about her inconvenience. Now you have to ask yourself the question, the importance of her being at her son's wedding? This is power play in motion; to see how high your partner, future husband jumps for his Mother!?
However if your understanding guests can rearrange their plans graciously, one would think a mother of all people would jump through hoops of fire and do the same, wild horses wouldn’t keep her away? Especially with knowing the condition you'll be in if you kept to the original date. It's downright selfish, outrageous and manipulative of her to see you placed in a more stressful condition, which it will be if you revert back.
Nonetheless it's your prerogative to be married before your child is born, to enjoy each of these special days separately. I know I’d rather be photographed with a bouquet of flowers on my wedding day, rather than think will my water break or sorry I need to juggle feeding time.
I believe you both decided to bring the date forward and you’re future hubby is required and would be wise to stand by this decision, support you and not do back flips. This is not just about pleasing you or MIL, it’s about him growing up, sticking to his word, resolving needless friction in the family.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 Nope, I would NOT move it again for the MIL. NO way.
She is the mother of the GROOM, thus (sorry to be blunt) not an important piece in the whole wedding thing. She would only NEED to take one day off. And I seriously doubt if her boss would deny her that. In fact, I'd call BULLSHIT on her excuse.
DO NOT move it closer to your due date.
I don't know if your MIL expects you to just bend down and catch the baby at the alter in case you go into labor. It's RIDICULOUS.
So no, I would not move the wedding and I'd have a little chat with the fiance. He HAS to understand that it's NOT AT ALL ideal for a heavily PREGNANT woman to waddle down the aisle. I'm sure he can understand that you are OK with being pregnant when walking down the aisle, but not at the end of your last trimester. Swollen feet, hands, extra tired, in pain (lower back) etc. ALL because his mom has decided that the day doesn't suit HER. I would tell him that I'm very sorry and upset she can't make it, but you are NOT rearranging it all AGAIN. The wedding is about YOU two, not her.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 October 2016):
 it is great that you feel that you have always had a great relationship with your partner's mother. That is a very good start.
But many have seen situations where the mother in law and daughter in law relationship relationship is any thing but cordial after the first year.
I certainly would not wish that on anyone.
But key triggers can deRail all the harmony.
What has changed?
You are going to marry her son and you are pregnant.
So you are not just another girl friend passing through.
But was it great because she thought you were just another girl friend who was passing through?
There is NO WAY a woman who has just given birth is in any state to then go through all the effort and stress of a wedding 3 days later.
You have a right to enjoy your wedding day. Not be dealing with dripping nipples. Stitches if required. Or other issues just three days after giving birth.
Do not change the wedding date now. Lock it in and remain firm. Your future mother in law is just checking how far she can push the envelope.
This time she has gone too far.
And your partner has not gone far enough to stand up to her behaviour.
as someone who has been blessed with two wonderful mother in laws I was told all about the other kind of mother in. The nasty mother in law - and such women do exist.
The type of mil who makes out she is so sick and needs so much help, and begs her son to cancel his long awaited cruise with his wife as the mil says she is dying. (when she is not)
The type of mil who puts on a song and dance about needing her son to come over to her house urgently at 11pm at night - and the emergency turns out to be a porch light globe that needs replacement.
it is up to your future husband and father of your child to stand up to his mother and see through her manipulative nonsence.
Mother in law from hell alert, and a son who is too weak to deal with his controlling mother?
You are pregnant and you don't need to be stressed by a callous manipulative future mother in law.
Your future mother in law is now showing her true colours. Be warned and recognize that this will not be the last time she tries it on in an effort to control her son. And disrupt the relationship for her own selfish reasons.
You future husband and the father of your child needs to address this direct with his mother and do so assertively and not tolerate his mother's lies in this situation.
We don't bring sons into the world to be tied to our apron strings for the rest of their lives. We expect our sons to become independant responsible caring men who become manly enough to:
1. Put their partner first and respect the relationship and their partner as a first priority.
2. Become strong responsible caring father's and a role model to their children
3. Yes respect their mother, but not by disrespecting their partner in order to demonstrate their continued allegiance to a mother who still wants to control the life of her son.
You need to start as you mean to go on.
If his mother still acts up just continue with your wedding plans.
If she can't make it (I do not believe her excuse) then so be it.
All the wedding guests will see through her ruse.
If she says she is not coming then still ask the caterers to set up a place for her, just in case she arrives half way through.
If she becomes violently ''ill'' with some supposed ailment on the day then call the ambulance and let the professionals deal with it.
Even if she attends the wedding she is likely to complain about everything and behave like a sour lemon.
She is just irked because she thought she had a longer time period to try to discourage the relationship you enjoy with her son.
The pregnancy has disrupted her plans and she possibly never wanted her son to get married.
Now with a baby on the way she still does not want to accept that her little boy is all grown up.
It is her son who needs to address the issues.
Until his mother becomes less controlling do make sure you only speak to her where he can hear the conversation too (make use of the speaker phone if on the phone with her) so that she cannot misrepresent what you really did say to her.
A united front is essential.
Hopefully she will soon face reality.
Her son is getting married.
The marriage is going ahead
The marriage date will not be changed.
You are pregnant and better to get married asap as you will become more and more tired as the due arrival date nears.
You surely want to enjoy your own wedding and I hope it is a wonderful day.
And soon she will be a grandmother.
That is the reality.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 October 2016):
 She can't get time off from a casual job to attend her son's wedding? What tosh.
Can you get her on her own and say something along the lines of "I think we have always got on well and you know I love you dearly, so for you to say you can't get time off work to attend out wedding just doesn't ring true to me. What is really going on here?"
Your future husband needs to man up though and realize that his priority should be his wife and child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): My ex husband changed our wedding date to suit his complaining mother. This very much set the scene for our whole marriage. Your husband to be needs to demonstrate his loyalty to YOU. I think she's just being awkward and testing how much control she has over you both and especially her son. Stand your ground. It's a ridiculous idea to have a wedding near due date.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): It's your fiance's mother - he needs to tell her he is not moving the wedding again back to the original date because you are his priority and he doesn't want to risk you going into labour early or giving birth on the day of the wedding! He needs to say that he asked her if the dates were ok and she agreed to them and that seeing as it is her sons wedding then surely she can be covered for one day off. It just sounds absurd that she says she can't get it off. If I were her I would tell my employer that they just as well prepare for me to be off because there's no way I'd miss a family members wedding. You don't want there to be friction between you and his family, so your future husband needs to deal with it and tell her it's HIS wishes and HIS need to put you first as the wedding cannot go back to the original day. The last thing you want is a demanding MIL so it will take your husband setting things straight to sort this all out. Maybe she has got funny because you're pregnant before marriage - who knows but you've got enough on your mind to be dealing with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 No, no ! That would be too risky ! Due date is an approximate date , given or taken a few days- 3 days after your due date could easily mean your waters breaking with you at the altar !
While I believe that your MIL may actually be unable to take time off with just 3 months notice due to her workplace policies or job's specific demands- then... too bad. She will just have to skip your wedding. She is a mother too , can't demand to put you , and your unborn child , through risks and discomfort just because of her.
Actually ( but I am sure you won't like this idea !, so - just saying . For the sake of conversation. ) you would save yourself all these headaches if rather than bringing your wedding forward, you'd postpone it. Say, 3 months after your babay's birth, or so. I am sure that one year, or more, is enough notice for any job to allow time off. And there's no need for a rushed,
" shotgun wedding " nowadays- and in your case then , since I guess you have already explained everybody why the wedding date has been changed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): Or you could be in labour and the wedding would have to be called off which would be very disappointing and expensive, not just for you but also for your guests.
I don't believe your future MIL cannot get time off 3 months in advance. It's a casual part-time job she isn't the CEO. She's being deliberately awkward.
It could be that she's upset about about you being pregnant already in which case your fiance needs to sit her down and have a chat with her about the modern world. She probably belongs to a time when people went off and got married quietly if they were pregnant.
If she still insists on being awkward then say you'll miss her presence but unfortunately your new date stands and that's it. Hopefully she'll see sense.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 Time to put your foot down. Either it's going to be the date that you selected or no wedding until you are ready to walk down the aisle. The mother is being very unreasonable. If you don't put your foot down now, she is going to rule the roost in your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (22 October 2016):
 3 days after giving birth is certainly not an ideal time to get married! What if you have a c-section? Or even if you don't, you'll have a three day old baby, you'll be tired, sleep deprived, cranky and certainly not in the mood to walk down there aisle.
You boyfriend should most definitely talk to his mother. It's your big day and you're also about to have a baby which is one of the biggest milestones in life. The least she can do is take a day off to cooperate.
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