A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split from my ex earlier this year and found out two weeks later that he was already with someone else (although chances are that she was already in the pipeline).My ex has rubbed his relationship with his new partner in my face- even turning up to events I was at and kissing her in front of me.Two weeks ago he got in touch telling me he was sorry and that he missed me etc. But he's still with his girlfriend.I keep having feelings of wanting revenge and to tell her what he's been saying to me. Not to spite her I don't think but because she's being tricked like I was. Is it wrong to feel this way? I feel like such a bad person. And what kind of a jerk of a guy does that to people (both me and her!). It keeps hindering my ability to move on.
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kissing, move on, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 I can understand why you would want to tell her, as I was in your situation before. I told her though and well I regret ever doing that. She did not believe me, even though I sent her the pictures. Am sure she knew deep down but she did not want to believe me but he went mad at me, I still loved him back then but I thought I was doing the right thing. She made my life hell for a while so my advice delete and block all methods off contact and forget about them both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016): You don't have to warn anybody about anything. Your responsibility ends when you both called it quits. Who he's with and how he treats them is their business. It didn't work out for you two, you have no way of knowing if it will go better for someone else. Cursing the relationship doesn't make you feel any better. Trust my words.
Warning someone who is already with him is merely spiteful and an indication you want them to know you actually haven't moved on. That's all they'll get from it.
If you're not there, totally out of touch, and not following on social media; you wouldn't have a clue. Nor would you care!
Stop going to the old places you used to go. You know he'll be there. Come on, you know the odds of running into an ex if you hangout where you used to go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your thoughts, I'm really grateful for them and it's given me food for thought.The relationship between my ex and I is over and I would never take him back. I've told him what I think of him but every few months he keeps popping back up. It's certainly not me who instigates the contact. I was really hurt by the end of the relationship not because he was a cheater but he also turned quite nasty and I would hate to see another person drawn into a web of lies and destroyed over it. It took me months to try get back to normal and now I'm in a new relationship and everything is very positive and hopeful. But there's a woman out there who could end up in the situation I was in so the revenge isn't towards her- my thinking was that I have written proof that he's being a creeping idiot and that he's confessed to some nasty behaviour. I could stop someone else going through the same potentially.But you are probably right, even if I have proof it's normally the messenger that gets shot and someone else isn't my problem.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2016):
 If you are serious about moving on, you should not even think about stirring up trouble with the new gf, no matter if on her own interest .
Move on for real. Call yourself out from THEIR business. Accept that you can't get " revenge ". Even if you manage to make this new girl break up with him, you would not be making him any major damage, and he would not be particularly affected by your " revenge " . If he comes sniffing around you , he must not be so terribly invested emotionally in her, and if he loses her , ... he'll just move on to a third girl. In fact, maybe he is itching for a change- any change - if he's throwing baits at you- so , you'd be making him a big favour !
It's a cliche', yet it's true : the best revenge is living well. Until you think in terms of revenge and take an interest in what he is doing with whom- you are far from moving on, -and after one year it's time to speed up the process.
Block him, ignore him, cut contacts- and don't go stalking his Fb . If you want to move on, and not just TALK about moving on, you have to act as if he were vanished from the face of the planet . Or dead. And you would not try carrying on a conversation with a dead person, would you?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 October 2016):
 While I can totally understand the desire to tell her what he is doing, think it through before you do anything like that. A year down the line, would you be proud of yourself for doing it? Or would you proud of yourself because you held your head high, acted with dignity and self respect, and walked away from the situation without sinking to his level? Remember also that, if you do tell her, you are more likely to be at the receiving end of her anger than he is. She will probably not believe you and tell you that you are doing it out of jealousy.As for him, do you actually WANT him back? The relationship ended for a reason (even if that reason was that he had his next girlfriend warming up in the background). He has acted very immaturely and insensitively if he is really rubbing your nose in their relationship when your paths cross at social gatherings. And he is acting very selfishly if he is trying to get back with you while still in a relationship with her. Do you WANT to move on? If so, don't let him play games with you. Cut contact with him. Tell him you are going to block him as you don't want contact from him, then do it. I hope your next relationship is with someone more honourable and mature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): It's an old male tactic of keeping you in suspended animation. You'll cling to the hope of a possible reconciliation, or thinking he still hasn't gotten over you. He's laying claims on your feelings and not allowing you to move on; because he doesn't want you to find anyone else. You're emotionally his property. Giving into it is showing weakness and submissive character.
He has no intention of giving up his new girlfriend. He just doesn't like the thought of you having sex with another guy; and he likes having power and control over you.
You're hoping that maintaining contact with him will sabotage his relationship for your own selfish reasons. You are both playing a game that only he can win. He already has a girlfriend. She'll discover what you're up to, and come for you. As far as she's concerned, she's the victor and you're the pathetic ex who can't just get lost.
Karma is going to keep you lonely, dependent, and needy. You know he has a girlfriend, and trying to be a wedge is going to keep you the third wheel. You're not proving a thing. He likes seeing you suffer. It strokes his ego.
He'll play innocent and you'll look like the lovelorn fool who won't move on and leave him alone. You'll spitefully claim he keeps in-touch with you. Women see through each other. She'll come for you and let you know he's chosen her.
Cut all ties and contact. Get on with your life. You're mature and intelligent enough to know better than feeding into such drama.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): Block him, don't contact him anymore. He's most likely trying to play both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): Screenshot what he has sent to you - but really importantly delete his contact so it shows as his number and not just a name (no denying it's him). Tell him you want no further contact from him and to be honest if I were you, I'd tell him what you said her about how he's doing exactly what he did to you to his current gf - being a liar and a cheat and if anything it makes you MORE determined not to want anything to do with him.If he persists and contacts you I would save evidence of it all - only because if he doesn't stop when you explicitly ask him to technically he is harassing you. You don't have to show his gf (he'd probably lie his way out of it anyway and just make you out to be bitter) but if she ever came and asked you could show het (she might end up suspecting him).Ultimately cut all contact, block him on all social media and just worry about yourself. Get out and have just 1 date with someone because it will show you the is life after him. Doesn't have to be anything serious, ask a friend if they know anyone you could meet for coffee somewhere. You just want to free yourself of feeling somehow linked to him and start the process of moving on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 You will REALLY gain nothing from telling her, other than look like a jealous petty twatwaffle. Seriously.
Instead?
CUT him off. Don't ALLOW him to play you anymore. CUT the contact, block him from access. If he shows up to places where YOU are at ignore him. Whether he is there with her or without.
His new girl doesn't need your "rescue". Remember that.
Focus on you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 October 2016):
 hes not over you and he's using her as a rebound and like you said as something that he can rub your face in.
Block his number or else you'll never get anywhere.
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