A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My boyfriend and I are both in our twenties and have been together for a while now. We both had a discussion last night about how our future. I live with a medical condition and so I want to live a good life because I don't know when I would pass away. I told my boyfriend that I want to one day get married and I don't want to regret missing out on things. He has avoided the topic before or made it about him asking it I would care for him when sick or help clean around the house. I don't want to be in a relationship where I would be the one serving and then die not knowing what it's like to be cared for... should I just break up with him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): Lots of people enjoy a relationship taking one day at a time, your guy may be one of them. He may also be worried that you are trying to line him up to be some sort of provider/carer and helper because of your illness and not want to promise and commit to always being with you because (a) he has every right to be uncommitted (b) he has every right to change his mind or take it a day at a time (c) he has every right to worry that you are too needy and you ant him to take care of you but maybe that is asking too much of him (d) how does he know that if the tables were turned you would take care of him?Many are fearful of committing to someone in a relationship, but committing to someone with a big health issue is a much more serious thing and asking far more.Instead of going on about your health condition - which would put a lot of people off of being with you - why don't you concentrate on being a great partner so that they are with you because they would be missing out if they ended it, not where they promise to take care of you and then change their mind and want to end it.Wanting to be with you should be because it is fun and great for them, not because you need some sort of carer.Even if you were married and had been for years it is asking a great deal.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2020):
 I don't think he is precisely saying that if you were married you should have to serve him and dance attendance around him all the time.
I think that what he is trying to say, in a clumsily diplomatic way, is that he has doubts about the success of your marriage because you would not be even, there probably would not be an equal give and take, a balanced sharing of chores and responsibilities. It would not be your fault, of course, it would be because of your medical condition... but suppose that your medical condition should make you unable to
do your share of cleaning, or to take care of daily routine stuff in case he gets sick too ?..
I think he is sort of saying that marriage, in general and with a sick person even more ! is a big committment , a big respoinsibility and for the time being he does not feel he is up to it. He'd be biting more than he can chew if he married you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2020):
 I don't know how long "a while is" so it's a little hard to give advice.
But I would say this, if you are looking for a care-taker this Bf of yours might not be up for it, yet. He is still growing up (so are you).
No one knows when they will pass. So if you life with the notion that you have yo CRAM everything in your life or that your life has to be a certain way so you won't "regret it" (when you are dead?) then I don't think you will have much of a decent life.
He can't MAKE a promise that he will take care of you. Because he really doesn't know what it entails.
He can't promise you marriage, because he isn't sure he wants to marry yet.
I honestly think it's WAY more honest to say I can't make these promises, instead of LYING to you.
Even though, I think he can't make these promises because he is being honest and noble, but because he is young, inexperienced and have no clue.
Planning your future can be fun, but reality is, things change. YOU have to be able to change with them.
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