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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Maybe somebody here can tell me why a guy who cheats on you when the opportunity comes up cheats on you but gaslights the hell out of you every time? Why does he do this to you? Why does he profess his love for you and try so hard to hold onto you? If he really loved you why would he cheat? And gaslight you? When you are nothing but GOOD TO HIM? LOYAL? DEVOTED? Why would he bother coming back if he fucks other people? But God forbid you ever do the same thing! He is controlling and manipulating by telling you bullshit to keep you with him and not go find someone else. Why not? He keeps doing that? He keeps finding others to fuck yet has the nerve to keep lying. Telling me he's a good man. And that he knows I'm a good girl and would never cheat on him. It would burn his ass to find out I cheated! But why is it okay for him? I am so sick of this. Why do men like this have to hurt good women??? Who LOVE THEM??Why don't they off and fuck whoever? Leave us ALONE??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): Everyone seems to be blaming OP for staying?? How about the guy for straying? The cheating scumbag is to blame. Clearly she's a good person who is distraught. I feel sorry for her. It can't be easy to have to move on when you love someone. Only more pain ahead for her. I suspect that the misery of keeping him might be easier to tolerate than the misery of living without him and having to purge all the love she feels and a history together. Why can't people who cheat ever appreciate that the one they cheat on can never be replaced? Often they realize this when it's too late. Cheaters need to fix themselves before they destroy everyone else in their path.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (20 October 2020):
 Cheating is NEVER ok whether its the man or the woman doing it. Unless people have open relationships and both are ok with being with others, its just flat out not ok.
You shouldn't be with someone who cheats. End of story.
If you cheat on him then you aren't any better than him are you? I understand why you want to but seriously, this is where you just walk away.
You are hurt understandably so, but one man's wrong doesn't make another man's right. Leave him and find someone who will be faithful. Your life will be alot easier and alot happier.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): It is only 'okay' if you stay and put up with it. That is what makes it 'okay'.
Once you put your foot down and walk away, that is you saying it is 'not okay'!
So the answer is, it doesn't matter whether it's a man of woman. It's the person who puts up with cheating that makes it okay, not the cheater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): Welcome to the world of truth and harsh-reality, my dear!
What you choose to believe that someone has told you, is on you! If a man has violated your trust again and again; yet you refuse to dump him...who's to blame?
The words "I love you" shouldn't blind you to the facts or reality, sweetheart! Who says cheating is okay for anybody, male or female??? Cheating is a violation of trust, it's betrayal, is being a lying scumbag with a mouth-full of dog-dung! It's reprehensible, and very cruel to someone whom you know loves you!!! Once you've been burnt, you're suppose to be the wiser; but most just develop trust-issues, and become insecure. Make sure that's not you! Kick him to the curb for the last and final-time!!! Yank your feelings out of hands when you do it; that's what you failed to do the last time you booted him out!
Don't come here to DC making all this fuss; then next post, you're telling us how he apologized and promised never to do it again! Your love has obviously been wasted; so, take it back and wipe all the slime off! Store it away, and give some back to yourself! Patiently wait; until somebody better and deserving of it comes along. I also urge you to get-over yourself; because you'll blame all men for the one you've chosen who didn't do you right!!!
Now you know his words are meaningless! Now you know you know better! You held-on to him based on nothing but empty-promises; and your willingness to ignore your own better-judgment.
Sweetheart, you are in pain...and I feel you! Everyone here knows what you feel; because everyone, sooner or later, knows what it feels like to be cheated-on. Not everyone allows it to happen too many times; yet keep hanging on to the cheater! Even after they've cheated multiple times!!! Most people wakeup after he or she has been gaslighted a couple of times. Stop being so gullible! You know someone has cheated on you; yet you continuously allow them to talk their way out of it! That's on you, my dear! He's taking advantage of your desperation and naivete! He cheats on you, and somehow he makes you think you're crazy or it's your fault? How many times did you allow that to happen? Once, twice, thrice...too many times???
This is the hardest lesson to be learned here. Never want a man so badly you'll turnoff all your commonsense and throw all caution to the wind! Letting love make you stupid, and easily deceived. Give no more than you're getting back! When it never evens-out, you end-it!
If you feel you're being lied to, don't use love as an excuse for foolish dimwitted-gullibility!
If just being told someone loves you can erase all their crimes, and absolve them of their betrayal; you are telling them you're foolish, and they'll just do it again! You're not a teenager, nor in your early 20's! You've got some life-experience to fallback on. You've been with a man or two by now!
Your love doesn't guarantee you anything, and it doesn't make anyone love you back. You shouldn't give mindlessly; or allow your heart to be reckless and unguarded.
I can see a lot of bitterness and cynicism about to overtake your outlook. I can see you are on the verge of an emotional-meltdown. I hope that isn't the case, and you're only experiencing the symptoms of shock and bewilderment.
Girlfriend, it is totally evident you've been down this road with this dude before! You played dumb, because you just wanted him back; and you wanted things to go back to where they were. If you know you've got an everloving cheating-bastard on your hands; you don't welcome him back with open-arms! Just because he tells you how much he loves you. He doesn't love you enough that he won't cheat, or treat you like a dimwit!
Get all that rage and anger out of you...purge it, once and for-all! Do everything you can and should to get his poison out of your system. Don't you dare date, or go near another man; until you're totally detoxified! Otherwise, you'll be mean, suspicious, insecure; and a total pain in the butt! Right-now, you're in "manhater-mode;" and that will make you very vulnerable. Hence, your vulnerability will send you out on a foolish rebound. He, or some other dude, will sweettalk you into another love-trap. That's because you've invested too much in this guy; and he's leaving a gigantic hole in your heart. You won't think before you try to fill it; which means you'll punish some other guy for his sins, or you'll be terrible to someone trying only to be with you.
Get a grip! Now you know exactly who and what he is. Now pull it together, and work on yourself. Own some of this, because you're not a victim; or some innocent little-girl who doesn't know any better. You let the drama queen get her jollies by holding-on to a cheater; and she rode on that drama-train for as long as she could.
Now it's time for some commonsense. Let him go, move on. Pickup your dolls and dishes and be off! Take all the time you need to heal and fix yourself. Don't get with another man; until all his poison and your own foolishness has been purged from you. Let your better-judgement and discernment guide your feelings. Don't let your heart run wild and reckless. Your heart needs your mind to bridle and steer it in the right direction; so you won't get hurt, or turn into a manhating bitter and lonely-woman. Got that?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (19 October 2020):
 First off cheating is wrong no matter who cheats. A true loving relationship is built of love and trust.
He is doing what he does because you are letting him. He screws you over, then you take him back.
Once the trust barrier has been broken in a relationship its almost impossible to come back from. He is breaking the trust barrier left right and center.
You say if he really loved you why would he cheat?. Well the simple answer to that question is if you really love someone with all your heart, you simply don't cheat.
I think you know in your heart of hearts what you should do. You need to be strong, and leave him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 October 2020):
 Let me turn this around...
IF he does ALL these shitty thing... WHY are you with him? Who do you ALLOW him to treat you this way?
I absolutely agree with Cindycares.
You are putting all the blame on him so you can be the martyr GF on your high horse.
Not really going to make your life better to date someone who treats like crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): This happens to you because your man picker is broken.Get therapy so you can break the cycle of choosing men who are dogs.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2020):
 They do because you are utterly dumb. This is a generic "you" of course. Then, if the shoe fits.. ( shrug ).
They do because some people are selfish, more selfish than average, and , if they can, they'll take what they want without giving back anything to the other party. Note that I said " if they can "... because often they cannot. They need to meet a " mark " who is very gullible, weak-willed, desperate and self-loathing .. and then they really can have a ball !
But, normally, it does not happen like that. The average person, with a modicum of common sense and dignity, get screwed over °once°. I'll be generous- in very special, circumstances maaaaybe twice.
But more than that ? A guy who cheats on you when the opportunity arises, and " every time " you take him back ? ... Then, a) you lack backbone; b) you show a , let's hope temporary !- remarkable lack of intelligence .
Then, you can't really blame all that happens on him. You contribute for the major part.
Otherwise , you are like a rabid chainsmoker , who when gets lung cancer, blames it all on the tobacco industry...
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