A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my girlfriend months ago with my ex partner. My ex and I have a child together. My ex is pregnant and says its mine. If it is I will take full responsibility. My girlfriend has forgiven me. Under the circumstances should I attend the birth? Ex wants me to, girlfriend understandably doesn't.
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cheated on my girlfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (21 October 2020):
 Okay, I guess I'm feeling a different kinda way.
1) I think it's totally valid to check on the paternity here.
2) Not sure that you deserve your girlfriend's forgiveness, man. Like WOW - you cheated and didn't even bother to use protection? Holy cow, dude. Ice cold.
But 3) I absolutely think you should be there for the birth of the child. Not for the Mom's sake, but for the child's. If it is indeed your child, you should be there for THEM. Not necessarily the ex. But your child will be forever. Your current girlfriend may or may not be. Their birth only happens once, and you should be there to hold your kid when they enter the world.
If your girlfriend is committed to you (and evidently, she must be), she's got to realize that she's committing to your children as well. I am very sympathetic to the girlfriend, you've put her in a REALLY SHITTY SITUATION, sir. But, your children have to come first. The order of priority here should be Children Girlfriend Ex
Please send your girlfriend our deepest sympathies, and your kiddos all the luck in the world. Try your best to do the right thing here, champ.
A
female
reader, gabrielle96 +, writes (20 October 2020):
No. Don’t do it and also dump your girlfriend she deserves better then to be cheated on. Let her find someone who will never betray her. I’ve been in her position and it will never go away it will always be in the back of her mind that you cheated on her she will never feel good enough!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): I disagree with some others here. If it is your child and your ex wants you there, then you should be there to support her and the new baby. If something happens to the baby (still births happen...) just imagine how you would feel if you never had the chance to meet your child. This child is more important than your current relationship and if your girlfriend leaves you because you attended the birth then, quite frankly, you deserve it - you cheated on her! You must get a paternity test as soon as possible to confirm the baby is yours. Then you must support (financially, emotionally, etc) the child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): P.S.
My dear sir, I take it back about hoping your ex succeeds at ruining your relationship. I wish no misfortune on anyone. If your girlfriend loves you enough to completely forgive you; she doesn't deserve getting her heart broken, or being further humiliated by your ex. I apologize only for that comment. The rest I've said, I'm sticking-to!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2020): Don't press your luck! You were forgiven! Now you want to rub your extraordinarily magnanimous-girlfriend's nose in this stinking pile of dog poo!!! I don't believe she really forgave you. She just doesn't want the other woman to win. In due-time, she'll come to her senses; and catapult your cheating and insensitive bum to the curb!!! You don't even know for sure if in-fact you are the father!
Man, you're lucky your girlfriend didn't go psycho; and you haven't been castrated!
How you'd have the unmitigated gall to even come here asking if you should commit such a heartless and disrespectful act towards your mate is beyond words?!! After putting her through the shock of the bad-news you've cheated with your ex, got her pregnant; and now pushing it to the limit, by wanting to be by the side of the woman you cheated with! Like you're a devoted-couple welcoming your newborn into the world!
I swear, the total heartlessness, insensitivity, and callousness of people never ceases to amaze me!!!
You don't know it's yours until you get the results of a paternity-test!
Otherwise, you've admitted you've cheated on your girlfriend with your ex; and want to further humiliate her by playing dutiful expectant-papa with your ex-girlfriend. Who is deliberately and blatantly insulting your girlfriend by even asking you to! She knows how hurtful it would be if you insist on doing it; and it's her last attempt to destroy your relationship.
The irony would be you'd do it in spite of any advice not to; only to determine it's some other guy's kid!
Personally, for your girlfriend's sake; I hope your ex succeeds at ruining the relationship. You apparently don't deserve, nor do you appreciate forgiveness. If it is yours, you do have financial-responsibility for the child; but your ex is manipulating the course of events by creating advanced baby-mama drama.
Something tells me this isn't going to end well.
I think you still prefer your ex, and you want to be there for her sake. Your girlfriend is pretty desperate; if she has chosen to keep you, and has forgiven you after what you've done.
Sir, do you really care about your girlfriend? Did you somehow play on her emotions, to get her to let you off the hook for cheating?
Where's your heart? With your ex, obviously!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): Leave your current gf. Marry your ex. Be a gentleman and take responsibility for you actions.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 October 2020):
 I think you are so lucky that your girlfriend even forgave you.
She has not just only forgiven you for being unfaithful, but also for getting your ex pregnant. She must be one in a million, because most people would have run for the hills.
Its going to be a rocky road which ever decision you choose to make, what ever path you choose to take there is going to be resentment on both sides.
If the baby is yours your current partner will have to come to terms that you are going to be a part of your new baby's life, and a part of your ex's life for possibly the next 18 year's, the ex you were unfaithful with.I don't think your current partner has really thought it through properly, or looked at the bigger picture of whats to come.
I do however agree with the other aunts, find out if this baby is your's first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 October 2020):
 I'm with CindyCares,
I wouldn't either. You don't know 100% that the baby it yours, you are already on thin ice with your GF, BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO CHEAT!!
I think you are trying to get the best of both relationships here. This is all about you. You wouldn't BE in this predicament if you had kept your dick in your pants. While it is good that you feel you have an obligation to the CHILD, you ALSO have an obligation to your GF.
You are in effect a "baby-daddy" not the partner of the mother. IF you are the biological dad.
Would I want (if I was a guy) to be present when my FIRST child is born? I think I would. For my sake. Nothing else, I'll admit it would be out of SELFISH reasons. Why in the World would you have unprotected sex while cheating?! And if you say "I want to take full responsibility" why aren't you then willing to BE with the mother and child? As a family? THAT would be taking FULL responsibility. Wouldn't it?
Your GF might have forgiven you, but put yourself in her shoes. YOU going to WATCH this baby come OUT of the "vag" of the WOMAN you CHEATED on her with... HOW do you think she feels? You are going to share an experience like no others WITH another woman. One you cheated on her with!
Your GF will have to put up with so much of your time, energy and later INCOME being spend on this child. She will become second in your priorities, if not third or fourth. Which I think is so unfair.
Do take a paternity test.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): Wow.Your girlfriend forgave you?? I think going forward with your girlfriend is not gonna work out.I say this because you should be there for the birth of your child.If you stayed home and not gone you would start to resent her.When you do go and you should go she will resent you. Either way you lose.It sucks butt what is done is done.All I can say now is I really hope at least you are sending the mother of your child money each and every month for the support of your soon to be child. Are you helping with buying things for the baby like a crib or stroller?And another good tip start buying diapers now as they cost a lot get a pack week to bring the mom.Babies cost a lot ...You might think about getting a second job.Start a college bank account now for the baby.Put the baby first always as the baby is the innocent in all this.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2020):
 Maybe this is not a compassionate answer, but, FWIW, I wouldn't.
You don't know if this baby is yours and you won't know it until you take a paternity test, after the birth.
Attending a birth is no picnic in the park anyway, and until you know the paternity for sure, there's the risk you'd go through this... for someone else's baby-which would be going above and beyond the call of duty.
Regardless, even if you were already sure this is your baby, I am not sure that your ex can assert so automatically her right as a mother to be supported emotionally during labour and childbirth by the father of the baby. You, father of the baby, are not her partner and are involved into another official relationship, of which she was well aware when she decided to have sex with you. With all the unpleasant consequences this could entail. Many people would feel that the wishes of your current partner trump easily those of your EX partner .
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