A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I asked my girlfriend to meet up for halloweeen and she said we can’t this year because of COVID-19. It’s Halloween, I am working and she has just told me that she won’t be around evening as she is going out. I’m stuck with work (as she told me we are not going anywhere so I did not book it) so there is no way I can take day off and go with my friends. But it’s put me down, why not just tell me. We go out together every year, usually only on special occasions or events. I’m so annoyed, if I did the same to her I would be a dead man. Stupidly I have reduced my own life with friends for her, and now I’m feeling empty space as she is not filling it. She is occupied with her friends. So why did she stop me? Now I’ve got rid of friends and now as if she is trying to teach me a lesson. I’m so tempted to slowly drift away and end it. I hate playing games. I think I need someone more in sync. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2020): I'm scratching my head. Why'd you give-up your friends?
Your post is so sketchy, I'm not quite sure what you're driving at? It seems you'd both be playing games, if you decided to "drift-away" without addressing your issues.
Just come right-out and tell her you feel she's playing you along!
If you ask me. This sounds like someone who has given-up on you already; or has lost all interest, and she's waiting for you to take a hint and let her go.
Let her go, man!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 November 2020):
 I think too that you may need someone more in sync, but- fair is fair. She did not stop you going out for Halloween, you stopped yourself. When she said she was not going out because of Covid ( btw not going out for Halloween in Covid times is an excellent idea ,and I thought, maybe mistakenly, you were supposed in UK too to avoid superfluous social gatherings - otherwise what's the point of declaring a lockdown ? but never mind ) you could have contacted your friends and organized/ booked something with them . Why didn't you ? It's not her fault if you , stupidly as you admit yourself, disconnected from your friends to spend all your free time with her, and now " you have an empty space that she is not filling ". Why did you have to get rid of all your friends?, therefore making her the sole responsible for all your needs in term of companionship and enetrtainment ? That was a dumb, self punitive choice , and I feel it's not fair if you blame HER for something that you decided to do on your own. If then you mean that she forced you to abandon any social contact but her, by threatening to leave you if you didn't ,or something similarly overbearing and manipulative- sorry but, again, only yourself to blame : that's the kind of woman you MUST drop fast , by your own choice,- making her blackmail ineffective.
Said that , I think too that she should have told you she wanted to spend Halloween with her friends ( and let you spend it with other people ) rather than coming up with the Covid excuse , prompty belied by her actions. I don't know if this episode is enough for dumping her , I guess it would depend from all the other aspects of your relationship- but if it is, why drifting away slowly ( and becoming the one who is playing games ) ? As Code Warrior says, that would be a pussy move. Just tell her what you told us : that you need someone more in sync- long drawn out explanations are totally superfluous.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 November 2020):
 Don't dump friends for a partner unless they are no good. Any GF what wants YOU to not have friends of your own is NOT a good partner.
If your friends were good people, rekindle your friendships.
Don't rely on ONE person to be your whole world. That isn't realistic OR fair. And if things don't work out, you will be isolated, what is the point in that?
If you feel like she did this ON purpose, then you need to talk to her about it.
If you feel like the relationship just isn't working, END it. Move on. Don't let it SLOWLY end, man up and say, you know what, this isn't working for me. I wish you well. Bye.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 November 2020):
 I feel you have kind of answered your own question, you hate playing games, and you need someone more in sync.
You have sacrificed things for her, and now you feel like she is trying to teach you a lesson. Why?.
You say if you did the same to her you would be a dead man. That does not really paint a very nice picture of her does it.
From the limited information you have given in this post, all I can I would advise doing what you said and slowly drift away and end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2020): Read the last line of your question - you answered your own question.
Stop being so weak and stop trying so hard to please her - that is how you get totally taken for granted.
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