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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I got into this huge fight the other day. I accused him of flirting with someone. I had my reasons. Without getting into all the details, it ended with him telling me to go away. He told me to go fuck myself and to go and fuck whoever I wanted. That I have his permission. He even listed the people I should go fuck. He said to go and fuck my trainer. My friend who rides a motorcycle. My next door neighbour. He said if I think I'm so sexy and beautiful that all men will drop their pants for me, to go fuck men to my heart's content and have a good time. To go away and leave him alone. All this because I accused him of flirting? We've had some trust issues but does this reaction not seem extreme? Then I texted back to tell him I was shocked he'd say those things to me. I think he was disrespectful for one thing. And did it over text? He then aplogized and said he didn't mean any of the things he said. He doesn't want another man ever touching me. What do the aunts and uncles think? Is this guy worth keeping? I was very hurt by what he did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): wise owl again has advice on point. I think you really need to read his post and think carefully . Childish games when we are maturing only cause angst and stress in our lives. Sometimes we may also love people who are not the prefecr fit for us . They tend to bring out aspects of our behaviour that we would not be undertaking if say we had different partner . Think careful . If this pattern has been ongoing, and there is no change to either his behaviour or your own then this is, I'm sorry sweetie not the right fit .
But before calling it a day, have a honest discussion, without the name calling deflection ..ask him if there anything about your behaviour he finds not right . Note them ..then tell him how you feel when he flirts .
Some people are I must add natural flirts, they dont mean it, it's a part of being friendly. It's not flirting I would worry about it . Its would the person step over that boundary . I'm friendly person and that can often be misread by others .. I will quickly say I'm sorry did you think I was flirting I wasn't. That's if they cross a boundary ..like touch me or suggest lunch etc .
If however if his actions bother you that much then you need to make a choice .. as wise owl said.
Good luck sweetie .. hugs and chin up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2020): His challenge comes across to me as an angry dare! He's being accused of flirting, but the implication is pretty much the same on either side. That he's flirting, because he wants to boink somebody!
Don't be offended; but I am going to take your age into consideration here. I think you're both being somewhat immature for people in their mid to late 30s/pushing-40s range. People pushed to the edge of their patience might say hurtful nasty-things in anger. He shouldn't have used expletives and given you a list of potential boink-partners. That was way over the top! It shows he might be just as jealous and insecure as you seem to be. Or...calling you out on your hypocrisy! Often, accusations are volleyed back and forth; when "hypocrisy" and/or double-standard is the culprit and contention behind all the fights. "What's good for the goose is good for the gander!" Actually, no...it's not!!! It's not good in either case! Tit-for-tat tends to be endless; and somebody (or everybody) ends-up cheating for sure!
If there is a recurrence of accusations made out of jealousy, and he's always dancing on eggshells around your insecurities; or one or both of you have a possessive-nature. Remember this, everyone has a saturation-point! Enough is enough! I'm not excusing him for being overly-aggressive and verbally-abusive; but you're not off the hook for starting the fight! Possibly poking and pricking at him to the point of agitation; until everyone lost control.
You said you had a "huge fight." That means there was a heated-exchange. Fights only escalate; when one or both parties, are relentlessly overstressing their side of the issue. The discussion was apparently full of anger and out of control. Possibly, because he's fed-up and/or you insist on keeping a boyfriend who is a compulsive-flirt! Rather than letting him go, you think you can tongue-lash and scold him into childish-obedience and submission. Behaving like a good-boy!
If he tends to disrespectfully and blatantly flirt with women in your presence; then it's up to you to decide if you need to keep a boyfriend like that. By the same token, if he was the OP complaining about always being accused of flirting, or suspected of cheating; I would advise him to go find himself a girlfriend with a healthier self-esteem, and in better control of her insecurities. If you're both in the same age-group; you're both behaving like bratty-adolescents, and you should know better.
If you are in fact, the alleged author of the "motorcycle-d!ck post;" what goes-around will come-around! You can't expect people cater to your insecurities; nor can you call yourself being clever! Getting-even by placing yourself in compromising and questionable-situations with other men, to provoke his jealousy. If your relationship is based on teenage-games and idiocy of that sort; it will be consumed in bitter-battles. Until it just implodes, and you both end-up going your separate-ways! Then the next post to DC is whether or not to take him back; or the more popular one, how upset you are that he found somebody else!
You know he didn't mean what he said; and we have no way of knowing how he flirted? Was he just being too nice to another woman, or were they coming-on to each-other? You're too biased to honestly answer these questions; because jealousy and insecurity is written all-over your post!
If you can patch things up, do that. If he's a notorious-flirt; kick his bum to the curb!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 November 2020):
 I think that first of all you should give us some background. It all depends...
For instance, recently we had someone with a question very similar to yours.
This lady had decided to join a motorcycle club- without owning a motorcycle, just to ride in the back with male club members. Her boyfriend had told her to make sure to hold on tight, and to hold on to their d..k,- and she felt very hurt and offended. As it make sense she would.
Then , though, it comes out : that the " boyfriend " is , in fact, a very taken, married man ; that said MM has tried very very hard to shake her off his back, for good or at least temporarily, because she is exceedingly clingy , therefore he had suggested her to find some hobby or interest to put her time and energies into ; that this lady then had joined the all male motorbike club precisely and only as a sort of "revenge" ; and that the MM, being a mature person, at least in age !, was sick and tired to play this sort of silly games, ergo his rude, unnerved reaction.....
Now , I am not saying that you are the same poster ( although this is a distinct possibility ), or that your
quandary is exactly the same.... but I believe that for telling you if in our view you are legitimate to feel mad and hurt, and if you'd better leave him or better forgive him.... we should know quite a bit more about the circumstances surrounding your issue.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (11 November 2020):
 How long have you been together with him?.
I think his texts were very nasty and hurtful, and disrespectful. This is not something that you say to someone that you are supposed to be in love with.
You know him better than we do, that's why I asked how long you have been together. Has he done things like this before?
I know he apologised, but the fact is he has got it in him to be very nasty when he wants to be. I think that this is something you need to keep your eye on, if its get frequent and he starts saying things like this more often, or worse then I think you should consider leaving him.
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