A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well tomorrow is me and my guys 8 year dating anniversary. And I won’t lie, most of the relationship has been a very bumpy road. After he proposed to me is when he chose to go behind my back and start talking to other women and even sneaking out to be with his ex (the mother of his twin boys) and they would sleep together many times behind my back. He finally got busted by me about 7 years ago and that’s where the “rocky road scene” started. He then turned into a complete heartless a-hole after being caught and keeping himself like that til this present time. He admits to being an alcoholic.... but he refuses to go get help. He admits to having an anger problem too. Those 2 situations don’t mix very well. He drinks and drives ALOT. Some of the times I’ve been in the car with him that I’ve actually jumped out due to not feeling safe. He screeched his tires racing away from me in anger and never coming back for me making me have to walk just shy of 20 MILES to make it home safely. Hurt even more to find out he drove down a couple miles to a bar and sat there for almost 8 HOURS drinking and flirting with the bartender. Even swapping numbers with her. Now for the past like year plus he’s been playing a game on his phone that has his full attention. He’s even put me on the back burner for him to be able to sit there and play his game. He’s lived at my house almost 100% of the 8 years we’ve been together. And I wanted to spend tome with him tonight since we haven’t been doing that well and thought maybe it will be a start to rekindle whatever flames have gone out between him and I. But he picked up his phone and started playing his game. I asked what he was doing and he told me that he lost a lot of points a cpl days ago that he needs to rebuild. So I said “which needs more of your time and energy right now...your game or the relationship!”....and yup he chose the game. Talk about a heartbreaker. What would you do if a video game or game on their phone came ahead of you in their lives?!?!?
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alcoholic, anniversary, flirt, his ex, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2020): I would have kicked his a$$ to the curb seven years ago!
You have an alcoholic womanizing-jerk for a boyfriend; and it's like there's nothing he can do that you'd finally throw him out. I guess the purpose of your post is mainly to vent; because it is unlikely any advice we offer will be taken.
You probably like the drama, and complaining about him for sympathy. To be told you deserve better. That would be absurd commentary; considering you've put-up with it for 8 years. It's what you want, so saying you deserve better is not applicable in this situation.
Is he in his early 20's! The age above your post places you in the 41-50 age-group; but your post compares to that of a 22 year-old gen-Z female. I cannot comprehend for the life of me why you'd want to spend time with a guy who is abusive, a drunk, and a cheater??? Let alone marry him!
You're a mature woman of 41, who has a lousy boyfriend/fiancé. If you haven't kicked him out by now, what do you care that we would do? It's almost comical that you're upset that he chose a video game over you. What about all that other stuff you mentioned about his behavior in the first two paragraphs?
Seriously, girlfriend?!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2020): This man has zero respect for you. You let him get away with anything - cheating, drinking, treating you like utter crap. You are a doormat and he does these things because he knows he can get away with it. He knows you will forgive him and take him back. He will do it again and again. He doesn’t care about you. And when someone else comes along that he does respect or is ‘better’ than you - he will drop you like a fly. Get shot of this man because he will never change. But I suspect you won’t do that. Your self esteem is so low that you put up with this crap because you think you don’t deserve better. He knows this and knows ol reliable you will still be there no matter what he does. He’s living his best life. He gets a place to stay and a woman that presumably does a lot for him. He gets your company when it suits him but is free to look for it elsewhere when he feels like it. He treats you like crap which makes him feel better about himself as he thinks he is ‘above you’. All the while it is making you miserable. You CAN do better. Are his actions not enough to tell you all of this. Actions speak louder than words. Leave him now before you become even more miserable.
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A
female
reader, Justmy5cents  +, writes (6 October 2020):
 8 years, 8 long years you can't ever get back. This is more to do about you than it is him. Each and every time you accept his shitty behaviour you are endorsing it and that is NOT OK. We all deserve better from our partners and its perfectly ok to love yourself and believe just that. Girl, kick this dude to the curb. There is a whole lot of awesome man out there somewhere just waiting to meet you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2020): You are both as clueless and immature as each other. Both of you are not grown up or savy enough to be in a real relationship.In his case because he does not value other people, he only thinks of himself. He is dishonest, he has no feelings for you, he is just killing time when he spends time with you when there is nothing more exciting available.In your case because you are naive enough to keep on tolerating it and need to ask strangers who have never met him or spoken to him what he is all about!You might live to reach the age of ninety and you have already wasted a huge chunk of it on this non existent, ridiculous so called relationship yet you now talk about celebrating it. As if you are both valuing each other and glad to be together. It would be a farce. It is clear he does not value you and it is clear that you cannot see it and stay for all of the wrong reasons.When a guy acts like a loser and talks like a loser he is a loser. When a woman continues to stay with him hoping he will change she is a loser too.You are better off single.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2020): This guy's mission in life seems to be to make you miserable. To do all the things that he knows will upset you. He's not stupid, he knows he's hurting you. He doesn't care about you obviously. He makes you thoroughly miserable and doesn't care. He KNOWS he is making you miserable and yet you stay, and allow him to carry on with it. When you got out of his car for your own safety and you then had to walk 20 miles home, only to find that he had stopped off at a bar and flirted with a woman, you do know that was to piss you off further don't you? That was your punishment for asserting yourself. He made damn sure you knew about it, didn't he? For a little while, sit down, close your eyes and imagine a happy life. Think of all the things in life that make you happy, that you love to do, that excite you, that you're passionate about. And how much time and energy you could devote to yourself and your life if you didn't have this dead weight of unhappiness around your neck. All your thoughts and time and emotional energy are going to another human being who enjoys hurting you, enjoys making you unhappy. He isn't going to change is he? He isn't going to suddenly become this man you want him to be, who wants a lovely, communicative, supportive, LOVING relationship. He wants a cheap or free home and a woman who doesn't care that much about herself, to give all of this to him and he doesn't have to do a thing to make her happy. Because she's happy to be his doormat.What I'm surprised about is not that you wonder about a game taking precedence over your relationship, but that after eight years of this crap, you'd expect anything else. I don't mean to be harsh. Just want you to wake up and see that having a man is not necessary for a happy life, and in your case, the definite opposite. You have, what, thirty, forty years left on this planet if you're lucky. And THIS is how you intend to spend those years? Or would you rather be happy, following your own star, making your own way in the world and leaving your dead end loser of a boyfriend so he can make someone else's life miserable?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2020):
 What would I do ?... Well, if I were you, and I had been living with your bf for a while , and I had seen the way he is treating me in general all this time.... I would not be surprised at all. Upset, maybe . But not surprised. I would expect it. I would know by now that he is a selfish d...head and that he does not care terribly much about me.
Come on, OP, is this even a real question, and if alas it is, tell us, what do you expect us to answer ?
What's a possible, logical, sensible answer ?..
The answer is : what are you still doing with an emotionally abusive cheater, who also is an alcoholic and also has untreated anger problems, a combo which makes him not only an inadequate partner, but a potentially dangerous one too ? Do you care so little about your emotional wellbeing and physical safety ? Are you so desperato that you think you can't do any better than this bad impression of what a bf should be ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2020):
 What do you even get out of this relationship?
He cheated on you with his ex. You caught him, YET you still took him back?
And after he got caught he started being a total dick, plus he drinks? And his phone game is more important that you?
He doesn't sound like a winner, so I have to ask WHY is your standard for a partner so low?
He LIVES with you too? Do you pay the majority of the bills? Cook, clean etc.?
If so, WHY not just KICK him out and be single a while? I BET you, you will be better off!
OP, you have unrealistic expectations. The guy is a loser who acts like a dick. Want more for yourself.
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