A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.. It may seem trivial but i would love some insight into why a man stares and makes constant eye contact with me- however when i returned the eye contact (a bit more subtly) smiled a couple of times- blank, no smile nothing..To put into context he works at a gym i go to, so understand why he would be cautious about asking me out, esp. with the lockdown in Uk etc. We have not spoken except for once when I made a mildly flirty joke, which he laughed enthusiastically at.. But still.. No conversation initiated from him.. He is good looking, buffed and from the way he stares he's not shy. It's confusing me and starting to make me a little uncomfortable. His he playing games?I am shy and straight forward and for me it's getting old.. Any ideas how to proceed? Am thinking of avoiding his eye from now on?Thanks!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 November 2020):
 I think too that you are reading too much into this staring thing.
He may like to look at you , because you are easy on the eyes , and because working in a gym is generally a boring job whose drudgery people try to distract themselves from, also by looking around at what's nice there to look at.
That does not mean that he is also interested in you, romantically or sexually, and that he has any notion of asking you out. In fact, I'd say he hasn't, since he is not shy , and he ignored your attempt of flirting.
If you want to know °why° he is not interested, we cannot know, we'll just have to guess. Probably he has a GF or wife already. Or, he is gay . Or he is forbidden, either by his personal ethic code or by his work contract conditions,to ask out his workplace's clients.
Anyway, ... if he had wanted something to happen, I am pretty sure he would have made it happen by now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2020): P.S.
He might also be closeted-gay! That doesn't mean he can't find you awesome and fascinating as a female. He's just not going to push-it further than he wants it to go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2020): If he's an employee, maybe there's a policy about fraternizing with patrons. You seem keenly aware of every move he makes, and every inch of his physique; so he probably catches you staring at him all the time. You might be great to look-at; but something about you may make him hesitant to actually approach you. He may not like your vibe, just your looks. He may also have a girlfriend; while girl-watching is his hobby or guilty-pleasure, but he keeps his distance.
If he is an employee, or regular at the gym; he may have learned from past-experience that meeting women where he works or works-out doesn't go well, if you should have a clash along the way. He doesn't need a scene that could cost him his job, or have to find another gym to avoid drama. I wouldn't date anybody I met at my gym. I go there to workout, and that's it. I'm cordial to the staff and other patrons; but I mind my own business. Maybe that's his motto as well.
A man can look at you; and never intend to approach you, or ask for a date. Looking doesn't always mean wanting.
Staring and not talking is a very common post here on DC. I don't see why people are so bothered by it. If they say nothing, that means they've got eyes to see, and they just like looking. If you've flirted, and he didn't offer an interested-response; then he's not interested in the way you might want him to be.
There are great bodies all of the gym. Sometimes it's nice to marvel at how well some people progress; and study their workout technique. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's terrible; and you're tempted to say something, but you don't. It might make them feel self-conscious and creeped-out. Seems harmless, but disinterested as far as dating you goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2020): i think you should just start general chit chat with him
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2020):
 We really don't know anything about this guy, apart from the fact that he works in the gym, and he looks at you?.Does he work behind the counter?. or is he one of the fitness trainers?.I think the only option here is to start of with general small talk. Then maybe you could ask him his advice on training a particular body part such a squatting for example. Just make it a gradual thing and find out a bit more each time.It may very be he has a girlfriend, who know's. Your going to have to do some leg work to find out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 November 2020):
 I think you are reading too much into all this "eye contact" thing.
He is looking because you are cute? fit? dressed in a nice way? attractive?
Doesn't mean he wants to ask you out! He just likes to look.
Could be he already HAS a GF so he stick to just looking.
None of us can tell as we don't own a crystal ball and neither do you.
How about starting small and just say hi when you see him? See where that takes you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2020): For all you know he could actually be shy. Being buff and good looking doesn't always give you confidence, trust me!
Obviously gyms are about to close for the lockdown so you probably won't see him again until early December but when you go back see if he still does it. If so and it creeps you out maybe have a word with another member of staff. You don't have to say it's making you uncomfortable to them, just ask about him and see if they can gauge what his intentions are.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2020):
He could just be keeping it professional because he is in work.Maybe you are just reading to much into him looking at you.Does he work behind the counter?. Or is he a fitness trainer there?.Why don't you ask his advice on how to train a particular body part, like squatting for example.Then next time communication will be easier.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2020):
Could be many reasons, he could fancy you and not know what to say.He could be being professional and not want to approach someone in a place of work.Does he work behind the counter? Or is he one of the fitness trainers there?. You could keep it professional as well and just ask him something to do with exercise, like the correct way to squat for instance. At least this will have broken the ice, then next time communication will be easier.
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