A
female
age
30-35,
*indaloo
writes:Hi Okay so I am nearly 21 years old.I really want a baby- I know yes this is not the right time or nevermind timing I have no boyfriend either! I only work 20 hours a week so not enough income either and I live with my parents. I just do not know how to overcome this- any suggestions?Thanks.
View related questions:
live with my parents, want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (12 March 2014):
Raising a child from birth to 18 currently costs roughly $250,000, US. Think about that whenever the desire overcomes you....
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 I don't think you need to overcome anything ! , but simply to come to terms with the fact that not all your desires will come true the way you want WHEN you want, and that you are perfectly able to bear the mild discomfort this knowledge provokes, without losing your zest and appreciation for the other things in your life which instead are going just like you want them.
In other words " you can't always get what you want ", what's news in that.
I desire, strongly desire, that my income were twice , or more, than it is actually- or even to become a multibillionaire, why not, let's think big.
But, not having found, so far , a way to make it hapeen- I keep desiring it yet my desire does not make me unhappy or angry or bitter. I can desire yet at the same time be content, happy, sometimes even really thrilled , with the things that I can actually afford.
So can you, in fact more- you clearly have more chances
to make your wishes come true in a reasonably near future.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): It doesn't go away. But, I would wait until I was in a stable relationship if I were you, and perhaps have gotten all the partying out of your system. BTDT--I had my first child at 24 & it's no fun to go to parties and have to be the sober one.
If you want to experience the fun of babies without the responsibility, why not become a birth doula?
...............................
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You dont have to ovr come the desire to have a baby just put your self in a position where you can afford one.And dont act on your desire till you hav th mans to support yourself and a child.Its natural for a woman to want a baby so the desire is just your maternal instincts.I on the other hand have a desire to drive something made in Italy, with leather seats and 1000 hp.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): Here's what I would do:
1. Start working 40 hours/week.
2. Get your own apartment.
3. Think about going back to school (or better yet, actually go back to school). Spend some time thinking about what kind of career you want.
I'm not trying to be a jerk OP, it's just that I'm 23 and living by myself and in grad school, it's a ton of work and it makes you realize that you need to have everything together for YOURSELF before you can think about taking care of another person. Of course mistakes happen and sometimes things don't go the way couples had planned, but you are NOT in that situation and I hope you don't put yourself there. Focus on what YOU need and enjoy your early 20s. Once you have a child you can't go back! It's a life-long commitment, so enjoy your freedom now, while you can!
Also, I definitely recommend seeing a therapist…sometimes it just really helps to have someone to talk to about things like this :)
Best of luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): What was your childhood like? Was your mother loving and tender? Was she cold and distant?
You've never had a child; so you don't have a clue what it would be like being a mother. You might have some idealistic notion of motherhood dreamed-up in your head; that you will be the mom your mother never was, if you weren't/aren't close.
Please be honest with your response to my questions. I ask for your benefit. OP's sometimes provide dishonest answers in an attempt to throw us off. If you ask us for help; it is more productive to give us the truth.
I recently offered help to an OP. She told the aunts one thing; them sent me a private message and recanted everything; because she was uncomfortable with how accurately I figured out her problem.
I sometimes spook people by guessing on the mark; they think I'm someone they might know. I don't live in the UK.
Are you and your mother recently estranged; or did she abandon you when you were small?
There is something beneath such a strange desire, if it's that over-whelming. It's normal for women child-bearing age to want to be pregnant. Just wanting a baby when there is no means of providing financial support; and the stable and healthy environment a baby requires, doesn't make any sense.
If you become obsessed with these thoughts, please see a therapist.
Have a talk with your gynecologist and see what's going on hormonally.
You don't have to respond to me if you're more comfortable with the aunts.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): How long has this been going on?
OP I'm sure you want to feel Ryan Gosling's hands all over your body too, but that's not going to happen any time soon, treat it the same way and deal with it the same way.
I'm sure you've dealt with not being able to have some you really want before, just do that again.
Just don't end up on Jeremy Kyle by going out and getting pregnant for no good reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You can't stop the biological clock once it starts ticking, LOL, and for some of us it starts at the most inopportune times! You've already determined that you're not in a position to have a baby at this time, but, oh, you really, really want one! And so many women would be fully understanding of you there. But I doubt anyone would recommend you fall pregnant at this time. Maybe start by contacting the local Community Health nurse and ask her if there is any way you could help out, they might even have programs in place where you could support a new or struggling mum. Sometimes community day care centres are in need of volunteers and they and other organisations would be grateful of someone as loving, caring and maternal as yourself. That way you're getting to hold and cuddle the little ones with the added bonus of being able to hand them back. One day, when the circumstances are right, you'll have a baby of your own and you'll be so glad you waited.
...............................
|
