A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm disappointed with my engagement ring.I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally minded, so its hard for me to get past the fact it's not a diamond.What's worse, is that prior to him proposing, he asked me how I felt about sapphire, and I specifically told him that while I love the stone, I didn't think I'd be happy with it for an engagement ring...but I did tell him that if I knew it was from his heart, I would love it anyway, which I believed to be true.Now that this ring is on my finger, it's growing on me some, but I am having a very hard time getting over the fact it's not a diamond. The ring is shaped similar to a solitaire engagement style, so it almost looks awkward to me, like the stone was a mistake.I really feel bad for feeling the way I do, but I do. Should I just suck it up and keep my true feelings to myself?
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (25 March 2014):
I think people are being incredibly harsh to you. I know you told him you'd love anything he got you if it was from the heart, but you also said you didn't think a sapphire was engagement ring material. If he was using his brain at all he would not have then gone and bought a sapphire ring knowing it wasn't your first choice. He should have picked something he thought YOU would love. Do you know why he chose a sapphire? Does it hold some special significance to either of you, or is it just a case of him trying to get more ring for his money as it were? It's up to you if you want to tell him or not, because only you know how he's likely to take it. I personally would be happy to swap a gift I bought my boyfriend if I'd misjudged it but others often do take it personally. But please don't feel bad as you are entitled to feel the way you do and it doesn't mean you love him any less.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 March 2014):
 Wear the ring with grace.
Appreciate his time and love.
An engagement ring is a symbol of intent - that you are to be married to your partner. Once that marriage takes place it should be replaced by your WEDDING RING. No one says you have to wear the engagement ring after your marriage. Unless of course you only want to show off the big rock on your finger?
I do not like rings and do not wear them out of choice, but a wedding ring is a very powerful symbol, and a simple band says more than all the flashy jewels on the planet.
From your post, it does seem that your priorities are slightly off - that it is more what others think, your comparisons to other brides to be that matters more than the actual married relationship itself.
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (24 March 2014):
 A ring is just a ring, nothing more. Him buying you a ring in the first place is what truly shows you he loves you. Besides, over time the ring becomes a part of you and you really don't even notice it. The point is, you're not seeing the big picture. The ring doesn't matter. Even if it was a tiny little stone in a plain old band, it wouldn't matter any less. This man just offered to spend the rest of his life with you and all you can think about is how disappointed you are in the ring? You be bouncing off the walls that someone loves you enough to want to spend their life with you and him simply getting you a ring should have been a plus to the excitement.personally I would be ecstatic to get a sapphire one, I'd prefer that to a plain old diamond)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Get a little colour in your life, he has given you something unique from HIS HEART....it's not always about your heart and what you WANT. I believe you should treasure his gift because when you are an old lady passing that ring down to your grandaughter you really won't care lless that it was not a diamond. Look deeper at the stone and see it's beauty...The blue color represents harmony, sympathy and also loyalty while sapphire itself represents faithfulness and sincerity. The blue sapphire also represents reliability as well as steadfastness. The rich meaning of the blue sapphire engagement ring is important and it is recommended to share the meaning with the loved one.The magnificent and holy Sapphire, in all its celestial hues, is a stone of wisdom and royalty, of prophecy and Divine favor. It is forever associated with sacred things and considered the gem of gems, a jewel steeped in the history and lore of nearly every religion. To the ancient and medieval world, Sapphire of heavenly blue signified the height of celestial hope and faith, and was believed to bring protection, good fortune and spiritual insight. It was a symbol of power and strength, but also of kindness and wise judgment. In Hebrew lore, King Solomon and Abraham both wore talismans of Sapphire, and the Law given to Moses on the Mount was said to be engraved on tablets of Sapphire. The Greeks wore it for wisdom at Delphi when seeking answers from the Oracle at Apollo’s Shrine. Buddhists believed it brought devotion and spiritual enlightenment, and the Hindus considered Sapphire as one of the “great gems” used in offerings in the temples for worship and to align astrological influences. In Christianity it was used in ecclesiastical rings, and was cherished by kings and nobility for its powers of protection and insight.According to legend, Helen of Troy owned a large Sapphire which was believed to hold the key to her desirability. King Solomon’s magical ring inscribed on a Sapphire, known as the “Seal of Solomon,” was reported to give him the power to command demons and spirits, and to speak to animals. It was said he used the magic of Sapphires to seduce the Queen of Sheba. Charlemagne wore an enormous Sapphire amulet prominently to display his devotion to God. In Medieval times, Sapphire was used as a test for infidelity, thought to change color if worn by the unfaithfulHow do you know that your future husband has not done any research into the gift he gave you?Are you sure that you 'think the stone was a mistake'??
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 March 2014):
 I think that your reaction to the ring that this man chose tells US volumes about YOU..... as well as plenty about him... hence, my "advice" which is this:
Make a copy of this submittal. Show it to him, and tell him that you wrote it. Then, say to him: "Would you like a "do-over" on your proposal to marry me?"
If he's smart, he'll take you up on that offer (for the do-over), and will NOT do over (repeat) the proposal....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Not another ungrateful person going on about their engagement ring? Good grief I was lucky if I got so much as a hand-me down piece of clothing as a gift from my now ex.
Listen, he loves you, you love him, he wants to marry you and you gave him carte blanche to pick the ring! A marriage is not based on a ring anyway, it's based on love and the desire to grow and learn together.
And if you knew ANYTHING about the abhorrent conditions of labourers in Africa in the diamond mining exploitative industry, which also uses CHILDREN to get your precious diamond which you appear to think constitutes a "real" engagement, then you would realise your fiance has made a good (better) choice.
You sound very immature to be getting married to be honest!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2014):
 He gave you a chance to say I don't WANT a sapphire but you CHOSE to give the " if I know it's from the heart... blah blah ...." talk. YOU should have said, I like them but I do not WANT a sapphire in my engagement ring, I want traditional.
IT DID come from his heart, OTHERWISE he wouldn't have chosen a sapphire!
Auntie like I see it - put it so well. First of it you are NOT marrying the ring. The ring is SYMBOL of his PROMISE to marry and LOVE you. He wanted you to have a UNIQUE ring that HE chose, not the standard "princess cut". It means he TOOK the time, money and EFFORT to find something HE felt you would love too.
I think the fact that you "don' like the ring" say a lot more about you, then you know.
My husband bought me an engagement ring that was "frilly" gold with diamonds. I don't like either, but I loved the ring because HE chose it. My taste in jewelry is VERY different this his. I like simple more modern pieces, he is more traditional and guess what? I have quite a few traditional pieces he has given me over the years and I wear them and I love them.
BTW did you know what the symbolism of sapphires are?
Quote:
**** It is forever associated with sacred things and considered the gem of gems, a jewel steeped in the history and lore of nearly every religion. To the ancient and medieval world, Sapphire of heavenly blue signified the height of celestial hope and faith, and was believed to bring protection, good fortune and spiritual insight. It was a symbol of power and strength, but also of kindness and wise judgment.***
Last but not least, let me go a little Dr. Seuss on you.... if you PLAN to marry this man, LEARN to SAY what you MEAN and MEAN what you say.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 March 2014):
 You are in good company with a Sapphire ring. The Duchess of Cambridge has a sapphire for her engagement ring to prince William (his Mother Princess Diana's ring)...
Her's was a hand me down! AND a Sapphire! and it's also a HUGE ring!...she isn't complaining because it was her husbands wish that she have it...The love was more important than her choosing her own ring.
I think you should be happy that your partner took time and made the effort to buy you a beautiful ring...so many men don't bother or care what ring their partner has. He obviously likes Sapphires and when you wear it, he will see it as a sign of love that you care enough to wear something he personally chose.
You are very fortunate to have met such a thoughtful man and to be honest, if you were so fixated on getting a diamond, you should not have given him the:
'I'll love it if it comes from your heart' speech...because, it was insincere and you didn't mean it!
Perhaps when you guys have been married for ten years and he buys you an eternity ring, you can choose something you actually like...funny thing, after ten years, if you are still happy with him, you won't care about the style and cost of a ring, because the marriage will be your jewel.
Were the ring, love the ring, be happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014):
I bought my girlfriend an emerald ring. It cost more than most diamonds she was expecting: five figures and I am not a very rich man. I hope she liked it. If she didn't I hope she kept that to herself and was happy with that it represents. It would crush me if I found out she posted something like what you just posted. The ring is just a symbol. Capiche?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 I would not say anything. Not that there is anything wrong in knowing your mind and speaking it out - at the right time. Which was, when he mentioned sapphires. But then, you gave him the PC answer " whatever you would choose I'd love it because it comes from the heart ". Now, if you tell him that no,choosing from the heart is clearly NOT enough -it's like admitting that you have lied , that you have said not what you thought but what you thought he wanted to hear. That could also make him question if this is your habitual M.O . ( saying yes when you mean no just to get your foot in the door- the engagement door , in this case - and THEN reneging your word and tryng to re-negotiate ). Not saying that this is what you did or that you MEANT to do- but it is what it could look like .
I think the mutual hurt feelings , complicate explanations and possible arguments which could ensue are not worth the benefit of sporting the rock of your choice on your finger. A ring is just a ring, an ornament , an accessory ( and a beautiful accessory, I bet : sapphires are WONDERFUL ). The primary thing is that you have found the man you want to share your life with ,that he feels the same about you, and that he was willing to spend good money for the sake of showing that to all the world- whether with diamonds or sapphires, is that really so important ?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 I will only add that telling your fiancé that you don't like the ring, will not sit well and will be start of troubles to come in your relationship. Would you risk the relationship and hurting his feelings for the ring of your choice?
I must admit, I learnt that its not the material stuff that matters but the man that is in your life - the love of your life. Suppose you split because of the fall out over the ring. You find a man that gives you the biggest rock but you realise that your true love is the one you gave up - what I am saying accept his token of love and the fact you are with the man that you love and most importantly marrying.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (24 March 2014):
 You're not a horrible person. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. But I do think you are missing the forest for the trees here. You're not marrying the ring; you're marrying the man. The ring is just icing on the cake. Heck, the entire wedding ceremony, no matter how over-the-top and princesslike some couples make it, is icing on the cake. The truly important part often hidden among all the ideas fed to us by magazines, jewelers, and reality TV is that you and someone else share a bond so strong you want to make it legal and forever, and he has just declared those intentions to you (with the proposal) and to the world (with the ring).
From what you have shared in your post, you basically set your fiancé up for failure on this one, even though I'm sure you didn't mean to do that.
He dropped you a hint that he was thinking about sapphires and although you initially said you didn't really want one, you ultimately gave him the green light to choose anything he really liked with the statement that you'd love whatever he gave you if it came from his heart.
Well... I don't want to state the obvious here, but if he's asking you to spend the rest of your life (and his) with him and your marriage is not an arranged one, the entire thing is "from his heart." It wouldn't surprise me at all if his thought process here was that *everyone* does diamonds, and he wanted to put a little more thought and creativity in and get you something different and exciting as opposed to just doing a cookie-cutter version of what everyone else does. I don't know what he does for a living, what he makes for an hour of work, or how much the ring cost, but I'm guessing he traded hours and hours of life on this earth to put that ring on your finger, and he probably put more than a little thought into picking something he thought would be beautiful for you.
I completely understand that you were trying to be polite and not too demanding when he initially broached the subject, but if there's a way to get the diamond ring you want now without hurting his feelings (even a little) or seeming shallow (even a little), I don't see it. It's not a question of the ring being the wrong size or a metal you're allergic to or something... what you're basically going to have to say to him, one way or another, in order to get a completely different ring is that him choosing from the heart wasn't quite enough after all. Whether you actually speak those words or not is irrelevant.
Whether you "suck it up" or not is a decision only you can make. There is nothing that says you can't tell him, gently, how you're feeling. But I would weigh carefully how much this is going to bother you (and why - aesthetics, personal preference, fears about what others will think?) versus the reaction your partner may have about your feelings. At best he'll be totally neutral and a good sport about it; at worst he'll be hurt by it to some degree, even if he's too classy to mention anything about it to you.
As others have said, give it some time and thought before you proceed. If you found the ring totally gaudy and ugly, your opinion about it probably wouldn't change even with time, but it sounds as though the main thing you don't like about it at the moment is that it's blue and not clear, which may prove much easier to get used to.
Good luck and best wishes whatever you decide, and congratulations on your future marriage!
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (24 March 2014):
I would say give it some time to see if it grows on you. Jewellery and other personal items are very hard to buy for other people because we all have very individual ideas about what looks good and what we prefer. So at first glance, it doesn't fit as the ideal engagement ring for you. But with a little time and looking at it more, you might find yourself warming up to it. You might find that you like the fact that your engagement ring is more unique than all the diamond ones out there.
If on the other hand, you really can't grow to like it, then let your fiancé know, as gently as possible. It is something you will wear all the time, and best that you love it. Hopefully you can grow to love it. I have grown to love some jewellery items I really didn't like. After my initial thought of, I wouldn't have picked these up for myself, over time I found them seem prettier and prettier. And I appreciated all the effort my then boyfriend went to get them for me.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 March 2014):
You should tell him. You don't want to wear an engagement ring you don't like for however long. He loves you so I'm sure he'll understand. Just word it carefully and gently so as not to anger or embarrass him. Even suggest you go ring shopping together after you've returned the ring. That way you'll both pick out something you mutually agree on. If the ring was not too expensive, the sapphire one he gave you, maybe you could keep it and wear it as a dress ring. Also suggest to him if you have children, you could pass it onto them as an heirloom. Just a thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years so I'd give anything to have what you've got. Be grateful, please. I just lost the love of my life. Appreciate what you have and never take it for granted. xx
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