A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I would be grateful for some opinions please. My partner of ten years has never paid me many compliments but the other day, he said he had been watching me sleep and had made a decision. He said he thought to himself, "Yeah, she`ll do". He said it was a compliment but i feel quite hurt by his remark.We have had a difficult relationship at times because he has a wandering eye and has not always been loyal to me. It has left me with some insecurities. So im not sure if it was a compliment and i`m being over sensitive or it really was an arrogant remark. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Marilissa75  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 He might have been trying to be humorous and complimentary but since it came across in the wrong way, he should be telling you, "What I meant was that I was watching you and realized how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life...watching you sleep was a way for me to take in all of you while contemplating my own vulnerability and how hard it has been for me to be the man you have wanted and needed. I am in this with you one hundred percent. I love you." That may actually have been what he meant. Go with your gut on this...do you think he loves you and will be by your side no matter what? Do you love him? Listen to your own answers to those questions and make some decisions about whether he'll do. Best of luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 It's not a compliment, except for perhaps inside of his head alone. If that's his idea of a compliment it might be just as well that he doesn't give them to you often.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): You're overreacting. You've felt under-appreciated for so long; that you don't know a compliment when you get one.
Don't tightly hold on to a toad with both hands; then complain about how slimy and disgusting it is. Let it go.
You apparently don't appreciate his sense of humor.
You've built-up a field of hostility toward your mate. It's not just him, it's you too! You have a right to be angry if he has a roving eye and may have cheated before.
Don't forget the fact that you never gave him up. No one twisted your arm to keep a disloyal jerk with a roving eye. That was your choice.
So he gave you a bitter-sweet compliment; because that's apparently the type of guy he is. It was truly meant to be a compliment. You could have responded: "Jury's still out, as far as you're concerned!"
Here's the part you missed for full-effect. He endearingly watched you sleep. He ran all the rotten things he has done and said through his mind; and realized you've been loyal and stuck by him through it all. Deserving or not.
He was jokingly saying it without being mushy. The core of the compliment is; he realized that you're the one. We know nothing about you. We only know your side. He never paid you a compliment? You never let go of him either.
What's he doing right?
You need counseling together; if you can't lower your resentment of the past. You're thin-skinned; because you may have held-out and stretched your patience beyond capacity. Forgiving him too many times, and now you feel the rest of your relationship should be spent punishing him.
You've had your chances to dump him. Pull in your claws and hide your fangs. He mixed pepper with sugar; because that's who you are! He loves you for it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 March 2014):
 WHAT DOES IT TAKE to get a girl to see what wonderful guys we are???? .... and for us to get A LITTLE APPRECIATION???
Here, you have you boyfriend pretty-much GUSHING over you... and all you can do is question the veracity of his compliment??????
Just for the record, a little interpretation of his "guy-speak": "Yeah, she'll do" means: "Well, I'm stuck with her in my bed, at the moment.... and I actually DO like it when she puts out for me.... so I think I'll build her up with the best compliment I can think of at the moment."
I guess you'll perceive that the best compliment he could think of was NOT ONLY lame... BUT ALSO was insulting.
How long do you need to dump this cad?
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2014):
 That is one of the worst pathetic excuse for a compliment, no matter how long you two have been together it scream, I'll SETTLE for this.
If that is his idea of compliments I think I would tell him to not pay you any more compliments - ever.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 March 2014):
 I think this is a matter of context based on your life of the past 10 years. That says something, when it comes to 10 years and he's not copious with compliments. That tells me one thing - that he feels embarrassed and uncomfortable with words that are too flowery. He thinks they make him feel or look or sound weak and vulnerable. Other people see it as arrogance, which they could be right. However, I see it as a guy with a bit of an intimacy dysfunction. I'm curious as to how many times he tells you that he loves you. If the answer is "hardly ever", then that just underscored what I'm saying.
I think the "you'll do" comment from him is similar to a non-intimacy dysfunctional guy telling his girl that he'll love her for all eternity.
The other thing is - the wandering eye thing. You're saying he was "disloyal"? Can you elaborate on that? That could be a huge range of things and greatly affects the advice. If it's only the "wandering eye" and he hasn't cheated, messaged, cybered, contacted or met exes behind your back, gone off to strip clubs, is a porn addict, or whatever, it's hard to know what you mean.
The only thing that speaks to me is - you've been with him 10 years. That's longer than a lot of marriages, so either you're an extreme doormat who lets him run all over you, *or* you usually see past his intimacy issues and that he really isn't disloyal except for the rubberneck bad manners. All I know is - you and he have been together 10 years. That's a long time to put up with ill-treatment from a guy who isn't your husband. Does he show he loves you with his actions?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 " She'll do ? " - either he was kidding, like blatantly ah ah how funny ,I'm kidding - or this is the most arrogant asinine ignorant remark that I have heard in a long time. Particularly coming from a guy with a wandering eye, who should in theory be eating some humble pie and doubling his effort to convince you that you are " the one ".
I don't know about you, -MY answer to this remark would probably be : " I will do ? In fact, I will do WITHOUT. Without you . "
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 I agree it was an arrogant remark, but I also think he had been obviously admiring you and has finally made up his mind that he wants to be with you. You admit he has been unfaithful and its unfortunate that he was unsure when he first got into a relationship that he chose to play the field and finally after all the pain and heartache he put you through he finally decided you are the one. The question is can you forgive and forget and be happy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): My boyfriend says that a lot but we both know it's a joke. Do you think maybe he was joking too?
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