A
female
age
30-35,
*olwhite72
writes:Met a guy who I really like. He said it was his best first date etc. He's now met my family and we get on so well we could spend days together. Been dating 2 months now. However he's unfortunately going to Germany for 5 months next week for university. He once mentioned visiting but when I brought it up again he seemed a little offish about the idea. I have no idea if he wants this to go further or end next week. How can I approach the subject without coming across as needy? And do you think he's serious about me at all?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Thank you very much for the advice both of you. I agree, I'm just going to find out one way or the other by asking him and at least then I can move on instead of worrying over it.
I agree it's not the best idea to date someone when you know they're going away eventually. Usually it ends in tears. I just hope he feels like I do.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (25 March 2014):
 It's not needy to want to know where you stand and I think how you come across depends on how you pose the question.
I would be honest and ask him outright whether he's uncomfortable about you visiting him in Germany. If he says yes, explore it and ask him directly whether he wants to take a break.
Be strong when you ask him, don't be whiny and clingy.
However, if you're going to ask the question be prepared that you may not get the answer you want.
He's young, going abroad and will have opportunities to meet other people and may not want to be hooked up when he goes to uni.
As much as it will hurt you if he ends things, at least you would know and wouldn't be in limbo like you are now also you would at least have your self respect by not allowing yourself to be used until he leaves.
On the other hand he may just be nervous about going abroad and worried about being away from you.
He could reassure your fears and declare undying love for you.
Only he has the answer so I suggest you take a deep breath, take the plunge and ask him.
Just remember though, if things don't work out as you'd like, keep your composure and dignity and walk away with your self respect.
2 months isn't a long time to have been with someone and I agree with Cindy that the timing has been particularly bad.
I really hope things work out AB x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 I have no idea , since two months is too early to say whether it could become serious or not. The thing is, for the same reason he probably has no idea himself. Unless it's a case of falling in love like crazy at first sight, how can he already know if your relationship has a future ? Unluckily the circumstances are against you, if he were local you'd keep dating and knowing each other better and spending time together often, you'd be able to assess in a relatively short time if you want to be a steady couple or not. But like it is, basically you want him to commit to a serious LDR... with a semistranger, so if he is hesitant I'd say it's legitimate. Also, some people won't do LDR, on principle.
On the other hand, we have to admit that if he is offish about you visting him in Germany, surely he can't be head over heels for you. So you already have a hint about how the land lies.
Bring it up if you want, but tbh I don't see the need for that, he is leaving in a week, so in a week you will know what he means to do, whether staying in touch, Skyping etc.,- or just going your separate ways. I don't think debating the issue will change his mind if he has decided that this was just a nice fling, so try to live this in a que sera sera spirit. If things do not pan out as you'd want, at least you don't have to take it personally or feel ill treated, you can reasonably blame it on bad timing.
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