A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We don't live together as of yet. He's started working a new plumbing job and it's getting me down. There's only 4 guys working therefore my bf is on call 24/7. Prior to this job my bf was struggling to pay his rent so he definitely needs this job, however, he sometimes has like 20 jobs a day and as of right now I don't know when I'll get to see him again. The last time I saw him was 3 days ago, Sunday night. He's sent me maybe 3 texts a day since then letting me know he loves me and when he's heading to his last job or whatever. He called me Monday night and we talked about 30 mins. I'm proud of him but I'm sad. This job isn't a normal 9-5. He never knows when he's getting off or sometimes what job is "next". Sometimes when he thinks he's finished for the day, he gets back to the office to find out someone has called and needs a plumber so he'll have to go. He just called me while driving back to the office and told me, that while he plans to call me tonight when he gets off, that he wanted to go ahead and let me know he doesn't think he'll get to see me this weekend because he has a 16 hour job lined up and then one on Sunday morning. He said I could come stay the night with him Saturday if I want to but we'll only be awake for a couple of hours before he has to go to sleep before he starts again on Sunday morning. He said he might can see me Sunday after his morning job is finished. He said he wanted to let me know so I wouldn't get my hopes up, but unfortunately, I already had. He then went on to tell me he might get to see me this weekend depending on the weather. It's supposed to get bad the next few days, cold/snow/icy so he said it might work out if it does, otherwise he doesn't think we'll get to spend our weekend together. He could tell I was sad on the phone but he didn't get to say much because he was pulling into his office and had to go.Anyway, I sent him a text and told him that I'm heartbroken and how I don't get to see him much but that it's okay and I'll get over it. I told him I love him and if he doesn't get to call me later to have a good night...... but, I'm feeling really sad. I feel lonely. All I want is a tight hug, you know? To hold him, kiss him, cuddle him. :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 Ok, I'll be the party pooper and say : are you sure that he is actually doing all this overtime ? up to 90 hours work a week ( 50 overtime ) ?. ... If he were a self employed plumber, OK. But he is an employee of a plumbing company, so it's reasonable to doubt that.
The reasoning is simple :
I might be wrong, but as far as I know plumbers pipefitters etc. are not EXEMPT from paying overtime under the rules of FLSA ( Fair Labour Standard Act ). Anything he does over 40 hours a week needs to be paid one and a half time, or twice ( it varies according to States and kind of work ). Yes, also if he agreed to a fixed monthly salary or whatever other private agreement which would be against the law.
So, let's say that he earns, I don't know, 15 $ an hour. He 'd be entitled to claim 15 X 40 AND 30 X 50 overtime. ( He 'd have two years for claiming unpaid amounts, the fees and penalities for the employer would be severe, and, yes they generally are aware of that and they don't pull these tricks unless, alas, with illegal immigrant workers who would have no recourse to labour justice to begin with ).
At this point it would just be simpler and cheaper for the employer to hire one more plumber , and also more efficient and productive in job terms. Plus, most contractors would not risk sending out an employee so dog tired and overworked that he risks botching up totally some job and maybe getting the company sued- without actually making the co. SAVE any money.
In short , the categories for which there's mandatorily paid overtime do not LET their guys work 80 hours a week, because it cost them LESS to hire two guys and pay no extras. Again, I am not totally 100% sure that your bf would be within those, but , I think it is quite possible.
Therefore, either your bf has the dumbest boss around, or...? For some reason he is exaggerating the amount of his workload.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2014):
 OP is it your plan to support this man? if not quit calling and texting him at WORK.
he's not cheating on you or ignoring you to go hang with the boys he's WORKING and some jobs require more than others...
being a plumber is a hard job, being the new guy on the team means getting all the off hours calls etc...
let him get settled in his job and figure it out... there will be off times later on.
his phone is out of time
he still is managing to text you DAILY... you have it great.
I know you want more and are used to more but this seems like a very short term issue (a year or less) and it seems to me that you need to chill.
You seem very needy of his attention...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): Have patience, and things will change.. not when you want them to, but when he starts getting both tired of working so many extra hours and his team of workers get more help or expand. Plumbing's a great job for those who want a sure job, and the money's good. Let him work while he can, because jobs with many hours are getting harder to come by.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2014):
 So now you know, for now you can not text/call him while he is at work.
Honey, HE IS AT WORK. He is supposed to WORK, not text and chat with you.
I am older then you, from the "age" where you DIDN'T call and text constantly with a BF/partner. You LOOKED forward to MAYBE calling him or him calling you in the evening and so forth.
It's not the end of the world, that you can't CONSTANTLY have contact with him. Don't ruin it for him. And don;t ruin it for your self by appearing clingy and needy.
You have been together for 3 1/2 year he isn't going to go anywhere. He is just GOING to work.
It's still SO new. Relax.
I can imagine settling into a new routine can be hard, but you do need to take a deep breath and give it a few weeks so HE can settle into it and hopefully there will be a schedule of some sort emerging so you two can start making some plans to met up and spend time.
By the way, how come you don't live together after 3 1/2 years?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight now his phone is out of time, so he's using his work phone that was provided to him for calls and texts but he can only do it a few times a day so he doesn't get in trouble. Anyway, I text the work phone first thing this morning asking if it's possible I can see him today and he told me he wouldn't know until after 2.I text him about 30 minutes ago and he called me right back to tell me there's no way he can see me today and how he told me yesterday that the next few days are going to be busy. He said he got off work last night, went home and fell asleep only to be right back there this morning. He was packing up the van and heading to a job while he was talking to me. He hung up on me, which never happens, so now I'm assuming his boss may have walked up. I made the mistake of texting him letting him know that it hurts that he can't seem to make more time for me than he is. He got irritated and text me back saying that he's sorry but he isn't going to lose this job and that he's already told me that. I replied back, only to have him call me pissed off saying that his boss jumped his ass for me texting 3x in a row and how he's going to end up losing this job. He told me he had to walk away from the house just to call me and tell me that. He told me on the phone I can text the work phone once in a while but that's it. So, whatever. The call ended with me crying and him being pissed off. This seems to be the best job he's ever had, sometimes leaving him with 90 hours a week which is good for him financially but this is irritating me. Now we're both agitated and I'm yet again wondering when the hell I'll get to see him again. I try to look at his loving texts as a positive but it's getting annoying. I got one loving text from him yesterday and a 3 minute phone call to tell me he didn't think he'd get to see me this weekend. I got 2 2 minute calls today, all of which were to tell me he's extremely busy. This is frustrating. How can I be loving and supportive when I can't even see nor talk to him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm super proud of him and am doing everything I can to let him know that, but it still makes me sad. Since I left his place Sunday night, we've talked on the phone about 35 minutes this week and he's sent me a few short sweet texts everyday to say he loves me and when he's heading to his last job. It's definitely not a lot of communication. I work during the day and have 2 kids from a previous marriage so I definitely have a life of my own. My schedule is pretty much the same everyday so we're having to work around his right now. Also, there's been times where his last job didn't finish until almost midnight so that makes it hard for me to see him that late and at such short notice.I've been texting him too because he said even if he can't reply he still reads them. I've asked him if I could have at least one evening during the week, maybe like a Wed or Thurs, and then spend the night together Saturday and not leaving until late Sunday night. This is what we always did on the weekends anyway. He said that's no problem if he doesn't have any jobs but he seems to *always* have jobs. Like I said in my last update; when I saw him Sunday night he'd planned to cook dinner for me this week, didn't know what day obviously but wanted to do a romantic thing and it doesn't look like it's going to happen. As proud of him as I am, I'm equally sad but I'm trying not to show it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2014):
I would give it a little time for you BOTH to adjust to this new job and situation.
It's a GOOD thing that he FINALLY got a good job and can PAY his bills and take care of that side of life. It HAS to be a priority for someone in their 30's to take care of themselves. (and at some point a partner).
He might be working "on call" for a while since he is the new guy. They usually get the crappy job. It's not just due to seniority but it's also a "test" to see how they handle it. And so far he is doing great. Be proud of him.
I think his job WILL settle into more of a routine. And when that happens you two will have an easier time planning around his job. YOUR focus should be on your life, now that you have time to do ALL the thing you wanted to do that he either isn't into or that you have been neglecting a little.
You haven't seen him in 3 days? It will be OK.
I have spend MONTHS without my husband and we are fine. I did fine. His work sent him off to school, training, war and the communication was sporadic at times. YOU learn to make do.
BUT you REALLY need to convey WHAT you need from him. Like a text/call in the morning and if possible one in the evening. YOU can also send him a text (calling might be harder if he is out on a job). It goes both ways.
For now though, BE proud of him, support him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just started this job about 2 months ago and while his boss is nice to the guys he takes the job seriously/professionally. He provided my boyfriend with a phone/van to use as long as he's working for him and doesn't like the men to be texting while on the job which is the reason the last guy got fired. My boyfriend got lucky when he got this job because he's been able to pay his bills with ease and his boss will sometimes give the guys cash, at the moment, if they need it so my boyfriend is not wanting to screw this job up. But he's working so much I'm starting to dislike it. Also, if my boyfriend didn't want to be in this relationship I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't be, plain and simple. He wouldn't text/call me the few times he does while working if that were the case. He's the type that would just end it and go about his business; he definitely wouldn't be sending love texts and checking in on me. He had planned a romantic evening with me one night this week where he was going to cook dinner for me (he's done it in the past) but that's fell through so far because he's had jobs lined up every single night. He doesn't know what days he'll be off in advance because his boss doesn't tell them; not to mention he's on call 24/7. His boss is an older single man who's owned this business for 14 years therefore he's taking every job that comes his way, no matter where it may be located if the pay is good. Like I said, my boyfriend needs this but his schedule sucks and is getting me down.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (13 March 2014):
 Greetings,Firstly allow me to congratulate you on your patience in this matter.How long has he been working for this company? It would help to get an understanding of the situation more clearly however from what I know about this issues with this profession I don't think it will be a case of settling down. Plumbing can be a very hectic profession especially when the company have very few employees.The thing you need to realize is that this is likely be the constant from now on and ask yourself whether or not you are willing to accept this. He chose this career for the money which is fine but you also need to decide your next step, either you accept the limited time you spend together (even if it is sparse and not fixed) or you walk away and start a fresh.Also on a side note maybe you should let him know directly how lonely you feel in all this.
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